Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - April 29, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
Clean Laffs Joe just walked into my office and said, "What do
you call the skill of riding a horse?"
"I don't know...an equestrian?"
"Ha!" he spat. "It's called equitation. Boy you guys don't know
anything. Didn't any of you go to school? Don't you ever look up
words you don't know? Are you stuck with the vernacular of the
morons you grew up with?"
"Here, I got one for you," I said after his showing off was
finished. "What do you call a guy who has a sailboat but never
sails it?"
"I don't know. What?"
"A homo."
And-that's-you-ly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
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A group of us were standing around the coffee machine listening
to a very happy Magilla.
"Can you all tell I’m losing weight?" he beamed as he poured a
cup of the mud he likes to make. "Just last night as my wife
gave me a hug she said, ‘you feel smaller’."
Before I could stop myself I blurted out, "Are you sure you
weren’t fucking when she said that?"
"Do you want your driver?"
"No thanks, he's not my type."
---Rodney Dangerfield and his caddy in the movie Caddy Shack.
"Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me
angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the
pleasure of my company? It's beyond me."
--- Zora Neale Hurston, U.S. novelist
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Back when Prince Andrew first became engaged to Fergie, he spoke
to his father, "Fergie assures me she is a virgin. How will I
know if she is?"
"It's simple, son" replied Prince Phillip. "On your honeymoon
night, when you get into bed, if she's clumsy, nervous, makes
mistakes and is not sure what to do, then you can be fairly sure
she's a virgin. But if she gives you instructions and tells you
what to do, you'll know she's a lying slut who's slept around."
After the honeymoon, Phillip asked, "How was it son?'
"Just great, Father" said Andrew. "It was just the way you
said... and no doubt about it - she's definitely a virgin."
"Was she nervous, son?" asked Phillip.
"She sure was Father" Andrew replied. "In fact she was so nervous
and confused that when we jumped into bed, instead of putting the
pillow under her head, she was in such a state she jammed it under
her ass."
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