Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - March 12, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
Clean Laffs Joe has been preparing for his two week sailing
vacation for the last several weeks. Last Thursday he walked
into the office bleary eyed and pissed off carrying a giant
canvas sack.
"What gives?" I asked.
"I can no longer tolerate the amount of attention this
God-cursed vessel requires! It's one thing to be sitting in a
bar and decide that towing the boat to Florida and sailing the
Keys for two weeks would be fun, but it's quite another to
actually plan it and do it."
"What's in the bag, Mason (his sailing buddy) all chopped up?"
"It's the sail. I need to replace the battens and I didn't have
a tape measure at home."
"Why didn't you just go out and buy a tape measure last night?"
"Home Depot was closed."
"They sell them at Dominick's or Jewel, and they're open 24
hours."
He looked at me with his bloodshot eyes. "Fuck you, TZ."
Land-lubbingly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
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AMAZING REUNION BETWEEN LION & HUMAN
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Christian the Lion (which is the video clip you will see) is the
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Then you get the bonus program 'The Great Dan Patch' about one
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Just click on the link to see this video clip, I guarantee you'll
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AMAZING REUNION BETWEEN LION & HUMAN
Overheard in New York:
Conductor: "Ladies and gentlemen, due to an earlier incident,
all Sixth Avenue line trains are running over the Eighth Avenue
line. Please be patient."
Confused tourist lady: "What does that even mean? I don't
understand."
Man in Suit: "It means that if you want to take any of the
trains on the orange line you transfer at the next station like
normal, but instead of going downstairs you just wait on that
platform for the train you want."
Middle-aged woman across aisle: "They're not orange line trains.
It's the B, the D, the F and the V. Real New Yorkers don't call
it the orange line."
Man in Suit: "Hey, lady, fuck you. There, is that New York
enough for ya?"
Girl #1: "And then we had sex for, like, two hours!"
Girl #2: "Ew, who wants to have sex for two hours? I'd be
like, 'Get off me.'"
20-ish girl: "Oh my God, your backpack has your initials on
it!"
20-ish dude: "What? It's from high school..."
20-ish girl: "Jeez. The only thing I have from high school is
herpes."
Get the COMPLETE Series of '1st & Ten' on DVD
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Is it too early for Christmas jokes?
Psychological Christmas Songs
SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are...
DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and
Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Spare No Expense!
PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,
I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell....
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True
Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. The Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
Laffaday Book
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END OF CLASSIC LAFF-A-DAY:
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