Publication: Classic Laffaday
Gimme Money | |
Subscribe FREE to Classic Laffaday by clicking here.
<<<<<<<<<<<<< From the Laff-a-Day Archives >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Classic Laff-a-Day - April 8, 2008
Laffaday.com
------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe & unsubscribe links are at the bottom of the page.
------------------------------------------------------------
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Man, is it Monday already? Why couldn't my ancestors have been
American robber barons, or shipping tycoons, or other successful
criminals? No, instead I get regular run of the mill stiffs who
work their asses off until they die. If I wasn't so smart I'd
start playing the lottery. I want to wake up and play 18, make it
to the afternoon ball game, come home and tell my children how
great it is to be me and that they should imitate everything
I do, then sit back and read something pretentious while all
the time thinking how fucked up everyone else is and how it's
all their own fault.
Ohh for the sweet life.
Daydreamingly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
Send me your comments and jokes:
Submit a Comment
MAGIC PEN & CALCULATOR TUBE...
You'll spend hours trying to figure out how it works!
Normal Price: $5.99
DEAL PRICE: $3.49
SAVE EVEN MORE: Get Two for $5.98
This Calculator Pen Set is designed with a Magic case that can
be opened and closed by one way rolling. It is a wonderful
Gadget Gift and is also a practical Stationery Set. It's compact
size is quite suitable for all mobile users as you can put it
in the pocket or small handbag.
* 8 digits Calculator
* AG8 button Cell Battery 1pc is included
* A metal pen for handy writing
Save more when you buy two or more. To see this amazing and
fun item, visit the site at:
MAGIC PEN & CALCULATOR TUBE
UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI ENTRANCE EXAM- FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION
Time Limit: 3 WKS
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire
with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and
social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
A. build a bridge
B. sail the ocean
C. lead an army or
D. WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
A. Jewish
B. Catholic
C. Hindu
D. Polish
E. Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the
little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
A. Westerners
B. Southerners
C. Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last
one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
A. Macy's
B. a 7-11
C. Canada
D. the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
A. yes
B. no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what
country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
-OR-spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
A. New York
B. Florida
C. Canada
D. Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples
do you have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?
20. The University of Miami tradition for efficiency began
when? (approximately)
A. B.C.
B. A.D.
D. still waiting
*You must answer three or more questions correctly to
qualify.
My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.
One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father
stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he
asked.
Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes,
I'd love to!"
They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until much later
that Dad finally confessed that his question had actually been
directed to the family dog, laying near Mom's feet on the
kitchen floor.
DIGITAL PHOTO KEYCHAIN (4MB with a 1.1 Screen)
Normal Price: $49.99
DEAL PRICE: $19.99
This is the best way to treasure your precious memories than
with the Mini Digital Photo Keychain.
FEATURES:
- Holds as many as 30 photos
- Ultra bright, high-resolution 1.1" color LCD screen.
- Rechargeable internal battery provides up to 3 hours of viewing time.
- Includes a USB Cable for transferring and charging
- Includes software drivers for Windows & MAC
This unique item makes for a great gift. What could be better
than giving the grandparents one of these ALREADY loaded with
pictures? That's why we'll give you an additional discount
when you buy two. Grab one for yourself and one as a gift!
DIGITAL PHOTO KEYCHAIN (4MB with a 1.1 Screen)
I order my toilet paper by the case. When I'm running low I
simply put in an order with the girl who orders it for our
office. I do this for many reasons, chief among them being that
the bill often gets mixed up with the one for the company so I
don't have to pay it. This saves me a considerable amount of
money seeing as how I spend a lot of time on the throne.
So this morning the girl walks into my office and says, "TZ,
your toilet paper is here."
"Great," I say, "please come here and wipe my ass."
************************************************************
To see past issues of Classic Laffaday visit our archive at:
Classic Laffaday Archives
************************************************************
*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. The Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
Laffaday Book
************************************************************
Want some FUN and AMUSEMENT in your email box F-R-E-E? Visit:
See More Award Winning Publications
____________________________________________________________
END OF CLASSIC LAFF-A-DAY:
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to others.
 E-Mail this issue
Subscribe FREE to Classic Laffaday by clicking here.
|