Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - April 16, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
I went golfing with Satan, Magilla and Sam the new guy who
writes Golf Tips (go to http://www.gophercentral.com and sign
up) and it wasn't all I'd hoped for. If you golf then you know
you're always looking for that one tip that is going to turn
you into a scratch golfer. The trouble is that the schmoes you
golf with that are giving you advice usually suck as badly as
you do.
But that's why I am always excited to go with Sam--he's
supposed to know what he's doing. He gives everybody good
advice.
So after the turn I went up to him, handed him a hot dog and
soda, complimented him on his game and said, "So, you've seen
me play the front 9, do you have any advice or comments?"
"Yes, TZ," he said. "I think you should bring one of those
Playboys of yours with you when you play. That way in between
shots you will have something to do that will take your mind
off of your golf mechanics. Hit a shot, take a peek. Hit a shot,
take a peek, etc. That way the only grip you'll be thinking
about will be the grip you have on your penis."
Magilla and Satan began to laugh uproariously.
"If I want advice on what to do with my dick I'll ask your wife.
Now give me back that hot dog and coke." I said as I grabbed
them out of his hands.
On-my-own-againly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
Send me your comments and jokes:
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Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the
local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a
good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.
One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't
see us or recognize my pickup."
The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make.
God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts."
The first deacon countered, "Yeah, but God won't tell my wife."
"The real showdown was on "The View" this morning. When
Elisabeth Hasselbeck announced that she was pregnant last
month, Rosie O'Donnell announced on her blog that she wouldn't
fight with her anymore, because obviously when someone is
pregnant, they can get upset, and there's always the danger
that Rosie might eat the baby."
---Jimmy Kimmel
While trying to track down the cause of a recurrent vaginitis in
a young woman, I asked her whether her partner was circumcised.
My query drew only a blank look. I rephrased the question in what
I felt was a clever and tactful manner: "When he doesn't have an
erection, can you see the head of his penis, or is it covered by
folds of skin?"
Her unabashed and matter-of-fact response: "I've never seen him
without an erection."
I felt rather 'obsolete' the rest of the day.
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After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new
bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood
barbershop to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi, How was a da treep?"
Luigi said, "Everything was-a perfect except for da train a
ride down."
What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Centrala Station. My
beautiful Virginia had packed a biga basket a food with Vino
and cigars for a me, and a we were looking a "forward to da
trip. All was OK until we gotta hungry and opened up a
da luncha basket.
"The conductor came by, wagged his a finger at us and a say,
'No eat in dese'a car. Must'a use a dining car.'
"So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia, we go to dining car,
eat a biga lunch and begin to open da bottle of Vino!
"Conductor walk by me again, wag his a finger and say, 'No
drink'a in dese'a car. Must'a use'a club'a car.'
So we go to club'a car.
"While'a drinking vino, I start to light'a my big'a cigar.
The conductor, he wag'a his finger agin and say, 'No smoke'a
in dese'a car. Must'a go to da smoker car.' So we go to da
smoker car and I smoke'a my cigar.
"Later, my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to da sleeper car
and a go to bed. We just about to have'a sex and the
conductor, he walk'a through da car corridor shouting at
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