Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - April 11, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
My brother told me he's going to visit his son who lives in a
university dorm.
"I hope you're not just planning on showing up," I said.
"No, I gave him fair warning. I called him and told him: 'hide
the bongs, the booze and the dildos--me and mom are coming for
a visit."
"What did he say?"
"He said, 'Dad, you know I don't drink or do drugs.'"
Two-out-of-three-ain't-badly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
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Peter and Alfred Nussbaum were tailors and partners in the firm
Nussbaum Brothers. After many years they decided to Anglicize
their names and henceforth the firm should be known as the
Nuss Brothers.
After completing the legal paperwork, they informed the
receptionist, Ethel, that from Monday on she should answer the
phone as "Nuss Brothers."
"I quit," said Ethel.
"But why?", asked Peter, "the pay and benefits will be the
same!"
"Yeah? Well, YOU answer the phone then. I don't want to answer
and find that the caller says he wants to speak with Mr. Nuss.
Then I have to say..... "Yes Sir; which one? P-Nuss or A-Nuss?"
A wife one evening drew her husband's attention to the couple
next door and said, "Do you see that couple, how devoted they
are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I don't know her well enough."
"It's the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he doesn't
know -- and the less a man knows, the more sure he is that he
knows everything."
---Joyce Cary
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he
lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
---Barbara Bush - Former US First Lady
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill
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---Jerry Garcia - Grateful Dead)
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The administration of this particular elementary school decided
to start a more inclusive policy on which words were "bad" words.
Among those initiated to the category was "suck" (when not
referring to the principle of suction).
One day a child came up to the teacher to inform her that one of
the other students had said a bad word.
"What was the bad word he said?" asked the teacher.
"I can't say it."
"It's ok to tell me, you won't get in trouble for it."
"No, it's too bad, I don't want to say it."
"Well I have to know what he said in order to punish him. Can you
tell me what it is without saying it?"
"Well... it rhymes with 'fuck'."
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