Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - March 19, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
I was just reminiscing about a company I worked for in my
youth. The company had just fired some guy and I was in the
hall as the boss came out of the conference room.
"Good riddance to him!" the boss said relieved. "Too big
for his britches, he was."
"What are you, Yoda?" I said. "'Fired you are. Leave, you
must.'"
He replied, "The nice thing about you, TZ, is that you don't
overestimate your worth to the company. In fact, it's good
you stay out of site so that people forget you actually work
here."
"Damn," I whispered, "is my plan that transparent?"
Invisibly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
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While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Wally and
his wife Carolyn listened to the instructor declare, "It is
essential that husbands and wives know the things that are
important to each other." He addressed the men, "Can you
describe your wife's favorite flower?" Wally leaned over,
touched Carolyn's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-
Purpose, isn't it?"
Redneck Motto: Drink until she's beautiful, but if that doesn't
work, put a flag over her head and do it for your country.
Here's Ambrose Bierce definition of "Fool" from
"The Devil's Dictionary."
Fool, n. A person who pervades the domain of intellectual
speculation and diffuses himself through the channels of moral
activity. He is omnific, omniform, omnipercipient, omniscient,
omnipotent. He it was who invented letters, printing, the
railroad, the steamboat, the telegraph, the platitude, and the
circle of sciences. He created patriotism and taught the nations
war--founded theology, philosophy, law, medicine and Chicago.
He established monarchial and republican government. He is from
everlasting to everlasting--such as creation's dawn beheld he
fooleth now. In the morning of time he sang upon primitive
hills, and in the noonday of existence headed the procession
of being. His grandmotherly hand has warmly tucked-in the set
sun of civilization, and in the twilight he prepares Man's
evening meal of milk-and-morality and turns down the covers
of the universal grave. And after the rest of us shall have
retired for the night of eternal oblivion he will sit up to
write a history of human civilization.
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Today's Deal of the Day
My brother stopped by so our kids could beat each other up, and
he handed me a brown bag. He siad, "I bought you a razor."
I said, "That's odd."
"This is the best shave you're ever gonna get."
I took it out of the bag: "M 3 Power".
"Put the battery in, hit the button and it vibrates while you
shave," he said. "It's very comfortable."
"Hmm," I said. "Can I shave my ass with it?"
"TZ," he said, "there's very little difference between your ass
and your face."
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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