Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - April 9, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
Well, today's the day that the famous cicadas researcher, Gene
Kritsky, predicts that the red-eyed, noise-making, freaky
creatures will emerge from their 17 year underground life of
munching on tree roots in order to spawn and start the whole
process over again. They are big, ugly and amazing. Go to
http://www.wikipedia.com and read about their life cycle.
My mother-in-law is making a special trip because she wants the
kids to try her special "Cicadas Stew". She says she has won
the "Bayou Cicadas Cookoff" for the last 3 cycles.
I asked her what they taste like, and she gave me a hint:
"They taste like chicken."
I-hope-they-miss-our-neighborhoodly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
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Presenter (to paleontologist): "So what would happen if you
mated the woolly mammoth with, say, an elephant?"
Expert: "Well in the same way that a horse and a donkey produce
a mule, we'd get a sort of half-mammoth.
Presenter: "So it'd be like some sort of hairy gorilla?"
Expert: "Er, well yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks."
"To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions,
I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be
president of the United States."
---George W. Bush
"You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are
the ones you want to concentrate on."
---George W. Bush
"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over
and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of
catapult the propaganda."
---George W. Bush
Magilla had some visitors last Friday. They were all gathered
around the conference room TV watching QVC. I poked my head
in and said, "Must be nice to be an executive."
"Oh," said one of the stiffs in a suit, "my wife is going to be
on pitching an exercise machine any minute."
Curious to get a look at what kind of broad would marry this
dork I decided to join and wait. Shortly thereafter, they cut
to a foxy, half-naked woman going nuts on this leg-spreading
cardio machine.
I immediately asked the guy, "Is that your wife?"
"Umm, no," he said never taking his eyes off the screen.
"Well, that's good," I said. "Because I'd feel pretty weird
telling you how much I want to bone your wife."
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A visiting priest was getting the grand tour of the
convent, led by one of the sisters. They go into a room
with four portraits.
"Who is this?" asks the padre.
"Oh, that's the Virgin of Guadalupe"
"And this portrait?"
"That is the beautiful Virgin of Asissi"
"Who is this third one?"
"That is the Virgin of Ishia"
"And the final portrait, what virgin is she?"
"Oh, that's no virgin, that's the Mother Superior."
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END OF CLASSIC LAFF-A-DAY:
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