Publication: Classic Laffaday
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Classic Laff-a-Day - April 14, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
I pulled into a parking space at the supermarket while a woman
across from me was finishing loading her car. I watched her move
her cart out of her way and back her big Cadillac out of the
space. The wind was literally blowing at 40 mph, and I thought
to myself, "Dumb bitch didn't put her cart away."
The cart immediately began flying across the parking lot and
smashed into a nice, clean minivan. It bounced off that and
scrapped the entire passenger side of a beautiful, new yellow
Charger until it hit the rear view mirror and knocked it loose.
"All because of that cunt," escaped my lips before my better
angels stopped me and tried to convince me that it was an
innocent mistake.
"No," I told my angels, "that bitch should have known better. I
mean the wind is blowing so hard I can hardly open my door."
One angel looked at the other and said, "You know, he's right.
That twat just caused a whole bunch of needless trouble."
When-you're-right you're rightly,
TZ
mailto:tz@laffaday.com
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At one point during a game, the coach called one of his
7-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand
what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose
together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is
called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call
him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another
boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call
your coach 'a dumb asshole' is it?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that
to your mother."
"Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is
actually money."
---Gary Larson
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user to show you how it's done."
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While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of
a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full
name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with
the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years
ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such
thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined
face was too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended
the local high school.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1964."
"Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
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