Publication: Up Yours!
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UP YOURS! - Saturday, February 3, 2007
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Dear Megalomaniacs,
There has been a growing controversy recently over designer
babies. New proposals in Great Britain would allow for
parents to be given the right to choose the sex of their
baby, among other things, if passed into law.
Let me come right out and without any preamble state that
this is just plain wrong. And here's the reason... If this
becomes a common practice in the United States, in 25 years
there won't be any fucking hotties to hit!
Look at it this way, if you're about to become a father and
you start thinking about the advantages and disadvantages
of both boys and girls, you're going to start thinking about
all of the things you can pass on to your son, all of the
experience you've gained and all of the life lessons you've
learned.
You're going to start thinking about all of the bonding that
will take place, going to that first ball game, telling him
to buck up and teaching him how to throw a right cross when
he comes home with a bloody nose from his first fight.
Telling him if he wants to borrow the car he'd better damn
well get his ass out there and get a job so he can pay for
his own dammed gas.
When you start considering a little girl all you're going to
be thinking about is how some seventeen-year-old pervert is
going to feed her a few beers when she's fourteen, lure her
into the back seat of his Camero, and then fill your little
princess up with a load of man-juice while she's drooling
vomit on herself before leaving her, with her pants still
unbuttoned, unconscious on your front porch.
Is it going to be worth it when you can just pay a couple
thousand dollars to guarantee a boy?
Pretty much the only chicks will be coming from lesbian
couples who want to raise a little dyke of their own, and
you're probably not going to be hitting that anyway, and
from single mothers who want a little girl on whom to
lavish all the affection that their mothers never gave
them, but who they just end up psychologically abusing
anyway.
When I'm 55 I want there to be plenty of nineteen and
twenty-year-old bimbos with low self-esteem running around
looking for a little attention and recognition from an
understanding and affectionate father-figure. So let's leave
genetic engineering to God, shall we?
I need a drink,
Chadwick
P.S. Listen, folks, next week I have a very important
announcement to make. Make sure to check out next week's
issue to find out the big news.
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I started getting these recently... Are you, by any chance,
the Chadwick that used to be with the Shaqmail group? I used
to get a BUNCH of those newsletters. I got sick for a while
and when I came back they were all gone. I tried finding
them on the internet but ... nothing. If you're not the same
Chadwick, you're funny as all get-out anyway lol. --M
[How many fucking Chadwicks do you think there are who write
email insult lists? I didn't know they let retards use com-
puters.]
Chadwick, So if the nameless goofball who wrote last week's
column is in such great physical shape, he should stop
whining about walking a few yards through a fucking parking
lot. Maybe he's just a really fat turd who can never find a
space next to the candystore entrance. Hey asshole, try
shopping at a time when everyone else and their brother
isn't shopping. You jealous fuck!
[I thought all of the asshole on this list were fat turds.]
Are you kidding me? WHO FUCKING CARES?! Why don't you com-
plain about something legit like the fucking Mexicans with
their fifteen fucking kids, living on welfare in a one bed-
room apartment, bringing them to groceries stores and
hospital waiting rooms because they can't afford a baby-
sitter because they have too many FUCKING KIDS! But no,
lets complain about the fat fuck with the handicap sign and
nevermind the assholes with fifteen screaming kids, walking
into WalMart so daddy can buy a fucking rope to tie the car
door shut on their peice of shit van with the naked lady
painted on the back! Who do you think paid for the doctors
bills for them to have those kids and the naked lady painted
on the car? Us TAX-PAYING-AMERICAN-CITIZENS. Now that's a
valid complaint you mother fucker! I need a god damn Xanax.
-Tikki
[God, I have an irresistable desire to put something in your
mouth...like a ball gag.]
Hello Chadwick. Delta Dawn here from the heart of Missis-
sippi. Talking about a sterotype. Love ya half the time,
hate you the other half. That's intriguing. I would take
a bet that if you do get fired from this podunk job, you
would probably wind up in a better situation. Love the
quotes and commentary. Kudos to a brilliant mind that most
people cannot fathom. --DD
[So you love me half the time and hate me half the time.
Sounds like schizophrenia to me. Would it help it I told
you that based strictly on this email I hate you all the
time?]
i am a father of 2 and I have grown up in an extremely
abusive family, i don't believe that physical violence is
necessary as long as you keep some sort of discipline but
when they are young a spank on the butt will cause the
reaction that will last for years and its not the pain its
the emotional that is the key. your children don't have to
hurt to know that they can't get away with what they want.
--David
[I think the problem is not that you were beaten as a child
but that you weren't beaten enough. You're obviously a pussy.]
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Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick
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Hundreds of hilarious, bizarre and outrageous video clips at:
www.evtv1.com
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End of UP YOURS!
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