Publication: Up Yours!
"Everyone's entitled to one good scare." | |
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UP YOURS! - Saturday, October 28, 2006
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Hundreds of hilarious, bizarre and outrageous video clips at:
www.evtv1.com
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Dear Boys and Ghouls,
To me Halloween is just one more reason to hate kids. But
there are some enjoyable aspects to Halloween. Namely, all
of the drunk chicks hanging out at bars dressed up as
slutty nurses and slutty devils and slutty witches and
slutty pirates...well, you get the idea.
And since my goal was to be sitting in such a bar twenty
minutes ago I am going to continue a little Up Yours!
Halloween tradition and publish some of my favorite horror
movie quotes for you to choke on while I bury my face up
to my bicuspids in some liquored up pirate hooker trim.
* Chadwick's Halloween Horror Movie Quote Quiz *
"It's Halloween, everyone's entitled to one good scare."
-Guess who.
"I've got a message for you, and you're not going to like
it. Pray for death."
-Guess who.
"Well, I think Bill's got a point. If you look at the whole
life of the planet, we... you know, man, has only been
around for a few blinks of an eye. So if the infection wipes
us all out, that is a return to normality."
-Guess who.
"Good Evening. How's it going? Listen girls, ah, as your
father I feel it incumbent upon me to set the record
straight on the validity of the tale that Uncle Chet shared
with us this evening. I know that a terrifying story like
that, coming from the mouth of a recognized authority
figure, can be traumatizing for kids like yourselves. I
know that because I had a similar experience with my Uncle
Roy and a story he used to tell about a family that went
into the woods and was attacked by a band of escaped army
psychiatric patients who had been subjected to violent,
hellish, torturous behavior modification experiments. It
seems they escaped from the metal boxes the army kept them
in, found this family in the woods, fell upon them,
slaughtered them and ate them. Now, that story gave me
nightmares not to be believed. I don't want Uncle Chet's
bear story to upset you in the same way. I'm here to say
that there actually is no bear and that all of what Uncle
Chet was saying was just a yarn spinning for our entertain-
ment."
-Guess who.
"Listen up. They found Principal Himbry dead. He was gutted
and hung from the goal post on the football field."
-Guess who.
"You start to play it and it's like somebody's nightmare.
And then this woman comes on, smiling at you, right? Seeing
you... through the screen. Then when it's over, your phone
rings, someone knows you watched the tape... and what they
say is, 'You will die in seven days.'"
-Guess who.
"On the moors, we were attacked by a lycanthrope, a werewolf.
I was murdered, an unnatural death, and now I walk the earth
in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted."
-Guess who.
"All day long I've been seeing that guy's weird face and
hearing those fingernails."
-Guess who.
I need a drink,
Chadwick
P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Up Yours! Forum
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><><> CHADWICK'S FAVORITE HORROR MOVIE QUOTES ANSWERS <><><>
"It's Halloween, everyone's entitled to one good scare."
-Charles Cyphers as Sheriff Leigh Brackett in "Halloween"
"I've got a message for you, and you're not going to like
it. Pray for death."
-Robert Grasmere as Frank Wyndham in "Prince of Darkness"
"Well, I think Bill's got a point. If you look at the whole
life of the planet, we... you know, man, has only been
around for a few blinks of an eye. So if the infection wipes
us all out, that is a return to normality."
-Stuart McQuarrie as Sergeant Farrell in "28 Days Later"
"Good Evening. How's it going? Listen girls, ah, as your
father I feel it incumbent upon me to set the record
straight on the validity of the tale that Uncle Chet shared
with us this evening...."
-Dan Aykroyd as Uncle Roman in "The Great Outdoors"
"Listen up. They found Principal Himbry dead. He was gutted
and hung from the goal post on the football field."
-Jamie Kennedy as Randy in "Scream"
"You start to play it and it's like somebody's nightmare.
And then this woman comes on, smiling at you, right? Seeing
you... through the screen. Then when it's over, your phone
rings, someone knows you watched the tape... and what they
say is, 'You will die in seven days.'"
-Rachael Bella as Becca in "The Ring"
"On the moors, we were attacked by a lycanthrope, a werewolf.
I was murdered, an unnatural death, and now I walk the earth
in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted."
-Griffin Dunne as Jack Goodman in "An American Werewolf in
London"
"All day long I've been seeing that guy's weird face and
hearing those fingernails."
-Amanda Wyss as Tina Gray in "Nightmare On Elm Street"
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Re: Charlie Murphy. what a poor desperate SHITTY excuse for
entertainment. are you into sex or pussy or titties... or
just black idiots? get one of your cum-buckets to find you
something at least entertaining for us. you pitiful mother-
fucker you. --Dave
[Hey! How did you know I'm fucking your mother? I thought
only she, I and the camera crew knew.]
that stupid fuck wad scott, telling you to sober up, life is
great? fuck that noise only way to go through life is high
and/or tanked...cheers...chrissie
[chrissie, I want you to send me a topless picture of your-
self and your home phone number.]
Like mechanically separated chicken and McDonalds, like MSG
and Chinese food, and like midgets and porn....Up yours and
T-shirt hell were made for one another. I've been a fan of
you both for a while (I often describe the author of T
shirt hell's newsletter as a female lesbian version of
Chadwick). Its great to see the two of you team up, will
there be a link to Up yours on the T-SH website? --Bill
[How many male lesbians have you met, jackhole? But speaking
of links to T-Shirt Hell, I helped design the animated ad
for T-Shirt Hell which appears on a number of video pages
on EVTV1. Click the link below to check out my handywork,
plus, you might enjoy the drunk chicks making out on camera.]
Click here to see my awesome T-Shirt Hell ad
Listen loser - I get a kick outta your perverse column but
now you've really pissed me off with your idea of a T-shirt
that says, "Everytime you see a rainbow God is having gay
sex." That, you idiot, is blasphemy and you're going to hell!
--Mike
[I can't concieve of a God that petty. If you can I'm sure
he has a toasty little corner of hell waiting for you, but
don't drag me into your spiritual perversion.]
Hello Chad, That was an awesome reckoning of human behavior!
So what would you think if someone di that to one you love?
Thanks for Sharing! --Thomas
[Sober up and write something intelligible, fuckwit. I'm
getting sick and tired of putting illiterates like you in
the readers' comments section.]
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Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick
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To see more issues visit: Up Yours! Archives
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End of UP YOURS!
Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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