Publication: Up Yours!
Windy Biggie wants his kick-back. | |
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UP YOURS! - Saturday, October 14, 2006
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Hundreds of hilarious, bizarre and outrageous video clips at:
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Dear Fat-heads,
Boy o, you people do not know how to manage your money. I
just read a story today which said that a federal disaster-
counseling program in Florida is paying for puppet shows,
bingo and yoga on the beach.
Aren't you glad you're paying over thirty percent in taxes
out of every paycheck?
Oh, yes, since 2004, FEMA has awarded Florida nearly $47
million for "crisis counseling" after hurricanes. In case
you were wondering, "crisis counseling" includes Hurricane
Bingo at senior centers, gardening workshops and children's
shows such as "Windy Biggie," which includes a song about
how the wind is our friend, even in a hurricane.
Windy Biggie? How about, "You live on the edge of the
Caribbean, you little assholes, either get used to hurri-
canes or find yourselves some foster parents who aren't
stupid enough to live in God-damned Florida."
Many people who attended the presentations reported having
no hurricane distress, and some said they were not even in
Florida for the storms.
Remember, folks, this April make sure you make that check
out to Internal Revenue Service, Washington, DC.
When the newspapers got hold of this one you can bet there
were some talking heads who were ready to denounce the whole
thing for a few good sound bites. Republican Representative
Mario Diaz-Balart from Miami said, "Money is obviously being
spent for the sake of spending money. It's just totally rid-
iculous and an unacceptable waste of taxpayers' money."
You think?
Republican Representative Tom Feeney said, "Helping Victims
of natural disasters means bricks and mortar, emergency food
and water. That does not mean teaching people gardening."
Apparently it does. You know, I've got a charity you can
donate to. It's called the "Chadwick wants an Escalade" fund.
Driving around in that vehicle will do wonders for my self
esteem, I guarantee you. It will be money well-spent.
So in case you want to continue to fund programs like "Windy
Biggie" the puppet, you people had better start voting some
of those fat-heads out of office.
I need a drink,
Chadwick
P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Up Yours! Forum
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><><><><><> CHADWICK'S FAVORITE HISTORICAL INSULTS <><><><><>
"If you ask me, this country could do with a little less
motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem
highly motivated to me. Serial killers, stock swindlers,
drug dealers, Christian Republicans. I'm not sure that
motivation is always a good thing. You show me a lazy prick
lying in bed all day watching TV, and I'll show you a guy
who's not causing any trouble." --George Carlin
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER'S COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
That Rachel Ray is pretty hot. I'd sure like to butter her
muffin. She can put my meat in an oiled bag and and beat
it any time. --Dave
[How come when I say it, it's kinky and sexy, but when you
say it, it's just plain sick and disgusting?]
Hey, Chad--- I clicked a few links and even bought something.
When do I get my blowjob? --Cyberslayer
[As soon as you come up with the twenty bucks...I think
that's what your mom is charging now-a-days, but it's been
a while since I've been down by the truck stop.]
I'm sick and tired of asswipes like you taking pot shots at
Alabama. I grew up there and I'm an educated man, just like
most of the folks in Alabama. I like your writing, but if
you take a cheap shot at Alabama again, I hope like hell you
get crushed by a large meteor hurtling from space with your
name on it. No matter where you are, it will hit crush you.
Fuck off and die!
["Fuck off and die!" Alabama's motto. It's either that or,
"Suee, suee, suuuuee!"]
Teachers and Guns? YES!! YESSSS!! OHHHHH YESSSSS!! --mary
[Let me guess...high school teacher?]
What an insane idea..... teachers carrying guns to protect
themselves and other students. The liberal Teachers' Union,
and the Politically Correct powers that be, will NEVER let
something like this happen. Something as drastic as this
will affect the self esteem of teens and hurt their
feelings!!! I think instead of wasting education funds on
stupid things like teaching kids English and History, they
should spend the money and effort on courses like "Target
Shooting and Gun Safety For Social Misfits." Now I need a
drink. --Dave
Chadwick a fuckin liberal? Next thing we know you will be
sucking Hillary's dick! --Kelvin
[I bet it still smells like Monica Lewinski's cunt.]
Ah, sooo - when you're doin' the Bedsheet Bop, you listen
to the Pain Prelude, Squish Sonata, & Rope Rhapsody...in
short, your favorite music would be "Twist and Shout." I
can almost hear the climax of the Fucking Fantasia. --Lynn
[What the fuck is with all the props and preliminaries?
Doesn't anybody just 'fuck' any more?]
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Is that the dim spark of an idea in your brain? Don't let it
go to waste! Send it to: Email Chadwick
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End of UP YOURS!
Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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