Publication: Fifty & Furthermore
Nursing Homes, Dating And Turning 50 | |
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FIFTY & FURTHERMORE - Thursday, February 15, 2007
"I'm Dr. Dorree Lynn, founder of FiftyandFurthermore.com.
Growing older can be a time for creative and passionate
living, and I will apply my years as a psychologist to
help you with the challenges and wonders that come with
this new life stage."
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Hello and welcome to FIFTY & FURTHERMORE!
If you would like to make a comment or ask me a question,
please email me at the address below and as always, I will
do all I can to provide you with the advice you seek.
As I always say, "life is too hard to do alone - reach
out!"
Dr. Dorree Lynn, Psychologist
Please send questions and comments to:
email Dr. Lynn
Question:
My husband has an aunt who is 93 and has just recently
been moved in to a nursing home, because she ran out
of money to afford her own apartment and live in
assistance. We visited her in the nursing home last week
and it was such a dismal, dreary place. She lives several
hours from us. So many of the other people in the nursing
home seem to be in their own world, with no relating to
the other people there. I feel badly about his aunt hav-
ing to be there, but I've never had any experience with
caring for someone who is elderly. I'm 65, and have some
difficulty walking and with balance, so I'm not sure I
could even care for her properly if we were able to bring
her into our home. I guess I'm looking for some re-
assurance that she will be OK there. After visiting her,
I hope I never have to live in a situation like that.
Thanks for whatever encouragement you can offer.
Answer:
If this aunt is still mentally aware, then I would first
ask her opinion of her new living situation. Perhaps you
had a bad impression or the conditions have since im-
proved. If this is not the case however, I suggest doing
some research on other nursing homes, ideally located
near you. This way you wouldn't have to deal with caring
for her 24/7 in your home, but she would be near enough
by that you could visit and ensure the quality of her
life there. A good nursing home should offer plenty of
opportunity for interaction and community, as well as be
a place the residents can call home. If you are able,
visit other homes, ask questions about life there, and
if possible ask to observe daily life. A nursing home
should be a place to continue living, not to prepare for
dying, and I do hope you can find a place that better
suits your husband's aunt's needs.
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Question:
I have been dating a woman 20 years my junior for the
last few months (I am in my 50s). She is great and we
always have a great time when it is just the two of
us out together or in for the night. But she has a
group of girlfriends who still act like they're 21
and whenever she brings me along, I can't help but
feel like I don't belong. Worse is that she's told me
these friends don't really approve of the age differ-
ence in our relationship and I don't think they care
to get to know me any further. I've talked to my
girlfriend about this but she tells me I'm overreact-
ing and that they'll "come around." But it makes me
wonder if the age difference is just too much for us
to work out. Your thoughts?
Answer:
While liking one's significant other's social circle
is not a requirement for a successful relationship,
not brushing off issues is. It is not necessarily a
reflection of her age, but your girlfriend seems
uninterested in helping you to feel more comfortable
in her world. Of course the way you feel may be more
a result of your own insecurities about your age,
rather than a reflection of how you're treated, and
if so, that is something you need to address first.
I encourage you to invite your girlfriend and her
friends to a place that is more your "turf" and once
in your comfort zone, really make an effort to get
to know them better. Just as you feel they have
pigeonholed you due to your age, you may be doing the
same thing. If, after you feel you've put in a good
effort, you still are made to feel ostracized on these
social outings, then there is nothing wrong with choos-
ing to stay home. Hopefully your girlfriend will be
able to balance her friends and you without making
either feel unimportant, but showing her that you are
willing to put in the effort to fit in can only help.
You do have a large age difference, but if you are both
willing to work at it, your relationship can be success-
ful.
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Question:
What do you think is the best thing about turning 50? My
50th birthday is tomorrow and I could use some POSITIVE
thoughts!
Answer:
First off, happy birthday! I think the best thing about
turning 50 - or any age over 50 - is gaining the right
to be yourself - to stand up for what you truly believe,
to dress the way you want to dress without criticism, to
express yourself through a new hobby that is truly YOU...
At 50 and beyond, people respect our wisdom to know what
is best for us. So revel in your sagedom - you've earned
it!
Readers, what do you think the best thing about being
fifty and furthermore is? Do share!
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For more insight and advice from Dr. Lynn visit:
fiftyandfurthermore.com
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