Publication: Mouthpiece
Wacky Uses | |
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T H E . M O U T H P I E C E Wednesday, May 14, 2008
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Good Afternoon,
To me Wednesday is like the turkey in a turkey sandwich.
Monday is a slice of bread. Tuesday is the mustard.
Wednesday is the turkey. Thursday is the lettuce and
tomato. And Friday is the other slice of bread. Man, I'm
hungry!
Mouthing Off,
Carl
email Mouthpiece
Viral Videos on the Net at www.EVTV1.com
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Mouthpiece forum. Check it out here...
The Mouthpiece Forum
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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"Jenna Bush got married over the weekend. It was so lovely.
At the reception, President Bush got to dance with his
lovely daughter. It was the first time he's led in eight
years."
- David Letterman
"Hillary's new slogan: 'I'm Just in It Now to Annoy the
Hell Out of Everybody'."
- Jay Leno
"Tomorrow is the West Virginia primary. Many political
experts are expecting a record turnout. West Virginia
voters said they're being lured by the excitement of the
campaign, the closeness of the race, and the promise of
free squirrel meat."
- Conan O'Brien
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FULL SIZE (3' x 5') AMERICAN FLAG
Normal Price: $19.99
LIQUIDATION SPECIAL: $4.99
We are pleased to announce that we have found Full-Size
3'x5' American flags available at liquidation prices...
never sold before at these low prices.
Made of durable polyester with two (2) metal grommets
perfect for displaying.
Its a great time to stock up AND pick up a couple for gifts,
but there is a LIMIT of 8 per order. NO DEALERS PLEASE...
VISIT: Liquidation Special - USA Flags
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What's On the Web?
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WRITERS & ARTISTS SNACKING AT WORK
This site is devoted to finding you the very best in snack-
ing satisfaction. Over two hundred reviews include each
snack's ingredients, price, packaging, and funny comments
such as how the product could be improved.
Visit: WRITERS & ARTISTS SNACKING AT WORK
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WACKY USES
Author Joey Green has written a series of books on the
virtues of applying common household products to situations
you might not ordinarily think feasible. Check out some of
his wacky uses here...
Visit: WACKY USES
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STRIDESOUND PEDOMETER with FM Scan Radio
Improve Your Health & Have Fun... One Step At A Time
Retail Price: $19.99
Deal Price: $4.99
SAVE EVEN MORE: Get 2 for $7.98
The Pedometer Scan Radio is a pager-sized device that can
be worn on your belt that simply records the number of
steps you take based on your body's movement and keeps
track of your steps on its LCD Display.
Just press the reset button each morning when you clip it
on your waistband....and you and your step counter are
ready to go.
FEATURES:
- Digital pedometer
- 12/24 settable clock with alarm, calendar, day-of-the-week
indicator, count down timer
- FM scan radio
- Calculates the distance walked and the calories you burned
- Includes earbuds and belt clip
Remember you can save even more when you buy two.
Get two (2) for $7.98. They make great gifts.
To order, visit: STRIDESOUND PEDOMETER with FM Scan Radio
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[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
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How To Sing the Blues
Most Blues begin "woke up this morning."
"I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless
you stick something nasty in right away: I got a good woman
- with the meanest face in town.
Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat
it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.
The Blues are not about limitless choice. You stuck in a
ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.
A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman
with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg while ski-
ing is not the blues. Breaking your leg when your broken-
down pickup truck rolled over on it is.
You can’t have the Blues in an office or a shopping mall.
The lighting is just plain wrong. Go outside to the parking
lot or sit by the dumpster.
Good places to have the Blues: the highway, a jailhouse, an
empty bed, the bottom of a whiskey glass.
Hey there, you can READ! This too be a big ol' problem. Most
folks singin' the Blues ain't never had much a chance for
education.
It gots to be dark to sing the blues, preferably after
midnight. Singin' da blues at noon is forbidden.
If none of the above works, try one last, pathetic stab at
authenticity: name your guitar. Remember, Lucille is taken.
Epitaph on a blues musician's tombstone: "I didn't wake up
this morning."
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t h e . m o u t h p i e c e
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