Publication: Laff A Day
TZ the meteorologist. | |
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LAFF A DAY - Thursday, March 20, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
For those of you who don't pay attention to this kind of
thing, today is the first day of Spring. The first day of
Spring occurs on the Vernal Equinox. That means the Sun
will cross directly over the Earth's equator giving us an
exactly equal day and night.
For the longest time I thought the seasons changed because
at one point in its orbit the Earth is closer to the Sun
and at another point it is farther away.
I am embarrassed to say that I was in college before I
learned that it is the Earth's tilt that causes the seasons.
In the Summer the Earth is tilted toward the Sun and in
the Winter it is tilted away.
Not wanting my kids to grow up to be the ignoramus I was
I took the opportunity this morning to give them a little
lesson in celestial mechanics.
"Do you know what today is?"
"Thursday!"
"Right! But more importantly today is the first day of
Spring. That means from now on the days will start to get
warmer as we get closer to Summer. Do you know why the days
are warmer in the Summer than in the Winter?"
"Global warming!" they cheered in unison.
Fucking Al Gore.
Scientifically,
TZ
"It's now being reported that the former governor of New
Jersey took part in threesomes involving his wife and his
chauffer. A threesome in New Jersey is known as mullet on
mullet on mullet action." -Conan O'Brien
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This one that has been passed around all over the place.
It's a memo from a secretary in a law firm...watch those
typo's people, you just never know!!
Please, please PLEASE keep any and all paper
clips away from the copier! We have had two
service calls in the last week to remove
paper clips, staples and a binder clip from
the innards of the copier. PLEASE be really
careful around the copier. Especially the
document handler which seems to suck clits
like a vacuum cleaner.
SERPENT LIGHT - Flexible LED Task Lamp
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This flexible Lamp may be small but the light is BIG
and powerful.
With it's 6" flexible neck, the Serpent Light reaches into
difficult to access work areas (360 degree rotating head
bends to direct light where you need it most).
A built-in Alligator Clip allows for hands-free operation.
Interchange the goose neck with the included white or blue
LED attachments for a compact, but bright, flashlight you
can take anywhere.
Set Includes:
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The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin
and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to
me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your
private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the
prisoner'. Therefore, what we do is put the prisoner in
the prison. Then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling
with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey
the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-
imprison him.
"After the second time they spent, they guy reaches for
his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new
experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile,
"Honey, the prisoner is out again!
"The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs
of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the
bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey,
the prisoner escaped again.
"Limply turning his head, he YELLS at her, "Hey, it is not
a life sentence!"
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Laffaday forum. Check it out here... Laffaday Forum
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. The Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
Laffaday Book
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More FUN and AMUSEMENT sent by email: www.gophercentral.com
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END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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