Publication: Laff A Day
You'll cook up moist and tender. | |
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LAFF A DAY - Monday, April 14, 2008
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Greetings Laff Lovers,
A good friend of mine, who seems to be going through some kind
of midlife crisis, was dejected. "I went to one of the most
preeminent plastic surgeons in Chicago to schedule liposuction
so that I could once and for all loose this spare tire," he
said pinching an inch, "but he gave me bad news. He said that
my fat cells aren't subcutaneous. They don't form a layer
beneath my skin. Instead, my fat is marbled in with my
muscle, so liposuction is not an option."
"Oh, well, look on the bright side," I said, "if you're ever
in a plane crash and they have to eat you, you'll cook up
moist and tender."
Gourmet-ly,
TZ
A newly-married couple show up at a hotel and ask for the
honeymoon suite.
"Do you have reservations?" inquires the receptionist.
"Only one," replies the groom. "She won't take it up the
ass."
SPROUT FREE VEGETABLE BAGS...
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Ensure veggies stay fresh longer with this unique storage bag.
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Each bag holds 10 pounds of vegetables. Simply put new veggies
into the top & pull the drawstring tight. Remove veggies for
use from the zippered side opening automatically rotating
your stock!
Set of 2 includes one (1) potato & one (1) onion bags. Can
also be used for carrots & other veggies. Made of washable
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picture or to order, visit: SPROUT FREE VEGETABLE BAGS
"The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the
early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the
sidewalk going: 'I got some great blow man. I got the stuff
that killed Belushi.'" --Denis Leary
Man: "I have seen you looking at me all night and I know I
make you think of sex."
Woman: "Yeah, 'cause you look like a prick."
AMERICAN IDOL on DVD
Retail Price: $14.99
OUR PRICE: $2.99
Relive the gripping moments you remember and the ones you
never saw in season one of 'American Idol'. It's a collectible
treasure that has become a phenomenon.
This special collection is filled with music, music, music! From
winner Kelly Clarkson to Ryan Starr all the finalists are here
on this one DVD. Plus this price will have YOU dancing and
singing. It's below cost at just $2.99.
American Idol Season One Collector's Edition DVD
Back in my working days I was a union linotype operator in a
daily newspaper on Cape Cod. Our employment required 6 years
of apprenticeship prior to receiving a journeyman's
credentials. We were required to be proficient in English,
particularly spelling and meaning of words, among others.
One day a fellow worker while setting a story came across the
word, "butte" and asked his co-worker the difference between
a butte, mountain or mesa, etc. A discussion arose amongst
several of us and the comparison was made as well of canyons,
escarpmets, bluffs. etc.
Someone suggested we ask Jeannie, one of our proofreaders to
settle the question. Well, Jeannie was what one might say a
worldly lady, and when approached by our representative with:
"Hey, Jeannie, what's a butte?"
She promptly replied: "Offhand, I'd say, one about this
long;" signifying a distance of about 8 inches with her hands.
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Laffaday forum. Check it out here... Laffaday Forum
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. The Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
Laffaday Book
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To see more issues like this visit: Laff A Day Archives
Visit the Laff A Day Website here: http://www.laffaday.com
More FUN and AMUSEMENT sent by email: www.gophercentral.com
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END OF LAFF A DAY
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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