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GOPHER BITS - Friday, April 28, 2006
Over 4,000,000 readers subscribe to our F-R-E-E newsletters
for NEWS, FACTS, TRIVIA, HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT! To browse our
entire selection visit: http://www.gophercentral.com
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Comment The Post Below...
Greetings,
My wife's cousin, one of her cousins anyway, is getting
married this weekend. That means I have to dig out my
monkey suit and find out how much my middle has expanded
since the last time I wore it.
I'm much more of a jeans and polo shirt kind of guy, but
like most people I keep a WIF suit in the closet for just
such occasions (that's, Wedding, Interview, Funeral, to
those of you who aren't quite as cool as I am). But it has
been a year since I wore it and I'm a little afraid of how
tight it's going to fit. I don't really care about gaining
a few pounds, but I don't want to drop 300 bucks on a new
suit! Anyway, the classics never go out of style.
Campbell
campbell@gophercentral.com
P.S. If you're interested we now have a blog. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Blog
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? ?
? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
? ?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
Below are 3 pairs of words. Find the words that fit in the
middle of each pair of words to create two new words, one
front-ended and one back-ended.
Example: EVER - ______ - HORN
Answer: EVER - GREEN - HORN
SHIP - ___________ - AGE
MOUTH - __________ - BOARD
SOFT - _____________ - HOUSE
MOVIE QUOTE:
"No, no. Psychopaths kill for no reason. I kill for *money*.
It's a *job*. That didn't come out right."
*** Answers at the bottom! ***
** For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a **
F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!
The Daily Tease
Subscribe to The Daily Tease
Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia
Subscribe to Film Quotes
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******************** CELEBRITY NOOZ ********************
Kevin Costner Settles Case...
A masseuse who accused Kevin Costner of masturbating in
front of her has won an out-of-court settlement.
The woman sued hotel bosses for firing her after she claimed
the married Hollywood actor had harassed her.
She was offered, and accepted, a settlement during her
employment tribunal this week.
The 35-year-old said Kevin "kept putting his hand underneath
his towel', and when she began to massage his head he
"grabbed her wrist forcefully, whipped off his towel and
exposed himself'.
She said: "Even though he was a Hollywood superstar I
couldn't believe he thought he could get away with something
like that.
"He abused me and I considered that a criminal act.'
Costner, who was not at the hearing, has refused to comment.
Subscribe to Celebrity Nooz
*************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK ****************
---------- Headache Man Hit the Nail on the Head -----------
PORTLAND, Ore. - An Oregon man has made it into medical
journals by surviving with 12 nails fired into his skull
in an unsuccessful suicide attempt. The case of the
unidentified 33-year-old was reported in the Journal of
Neurosurgery, in which Dr. Alexander West described the
treatment, Sky News reported. He said the man came to the
emergency department complaining about a headache. The
nails were not visible, but showed up clearly in x-rays,
the report said. At first the man said he had had an
accident with the nail gun, but then said he was high on
methamphetamines when he tried to take his life. Surgeons
removed the nails with needle-nosed pliers and a drill,
and the man survived with no serious lasting effects, the
journal said.
Subscribe to Bizarre News
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******************* WEEKLY JOKES ********************
LAFF A DAY:
The teenager was developing rapidly, so her mother thought
it about time that she understood the facts of life.
"Liza," she began, "I think it would be nice if we had a
little chat about how life is formed. As you know, a baby
grows in a lady's tummy and..."
"It might be interesting to hear you tell it, Mom," inter-
rupted the daughter, "but what I really want to know is how
to fake an orgasm."
(WARNING! Contains adult humor and language)
Subscribe to Laff A Day
CLEAN LAFFS:
One morning, after her husband had gone to work, his wife
decided to have a leisurely bath. She undressed and then
remembered that the gas was still on in the kitchen.
Wrapped in a towel, she went downstairs.
She was about to turn off the gas when she heard footsteps.
She realized at once that it was the milkman since the
arrangement was for him to deliver the milk to the kitchen.
So she ran to the nearest door, the broom cupboard and made
it just in time.
The footsteps grew louder and the door opened. It was the
man from the Gas Company who had called to read the meter.
For a moment she was speechless. Then she said, "Sorry, I
was expecting the milkman."
Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
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Made of durable polyester with two (2) metal grommets perfect
for displaying.
Its a great time to stock up AND pick up a couple for gifts,
but there is a LIMIT of 8 per order. NO DEALERS PLEASE...
VISIT: Liquidation Special - USA Flags
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****************** WEEKL VIDEO CLIP *******************
Firebombers!
Aerial fire bombers drop a retardant to try and contain fires.
Fighting the blazes from above can be a dangerous job. Watch
this clip to see the fire bombers in action.
View it at: Firebombers!
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
? ?
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
Below are 3 pairs of words. Find the words that fit in the
middle of each pair of words to create two new words, one
front-ended and one back-ended.
Example: EVER - ______ - HORN
Answer: EVER - GREEN - HORN
SHIP - ___________ - AGE
MOUTH - __________ - BOARD
SOFT - _____________ - HOUSE
TEASE ANSWER:
SHIP - WRECK - AGE
MOUTH - WASH - BOARD
SOFT - WARE - HOUSE
MOVIE QUOTE:
"No, no. Psychopaths kill for no reason. I kill for *money*.
It's a *job*. That didn't come out right."
MOVIE QUOTE ANSWER:
John Cusack as Martin Q. Blank in "Grosse Pointe Blank"
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GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Do you believe members of the Duke Lacrosse team raped the
dancer at the party?
Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week
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