Publication: Gopher Bits
Time is relative in my house. | |
Subscribe FREE to Gopher Bits by clicking here.
GOPHER BITS - Friday, January 5, 2007
Over 4,000,000 readers subscribe to our F-R-E-E newsletters
for NEWS, FACTS, TRIVIA, HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT! To browse our
entire selection visit: http://www.gophercentral.com
------------------------------------------------------------
Greetings,
What? Another year already? And I was just getting the hang
of the last one. Well, if there is one thing that is
inevitable it is that time moves forward...unless you sub-
scribe to Einsteinian theory in which case time is relative
to your motion in space. Or unless you're my son whom my
wife is going to slap into next week if he pushes his little
sister down one more time.
Campbell
campbell@gophercentral.com
P.S. If you're interested we now have a forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Forum
=======================================================
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
? ?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
The bottom heats,
The top cools,
And little blobs
Swim in my pools
I can be different colours,
And be a source of light,
A bedroom accessory,
I light up the night!
What am I?
MOVIE QUOTE:
"Lois, Pulitzer Prizes are like Academy Awards, nobody
remembers what you got one for, just that you got one."
*** Answers at the bottom! ***
** For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a **
F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!
The Daily Tease
Subscribe to The Daily Tease
Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia
Subscribe to Film Quotes
------------------------------------------------------------
There's No Better Time To Join (for free) Deal Of The Day..
WHY? Because for the next month you'll be able to save more
than ever on items that MUST be marked down due to over
buying for Christmas.
Five days a week you'll get an email with an item and a
discounted price... in many cases these are selling at
less than our cost. We simply must get them out of our
warehouse.
Join the Deal of the Day community that focuses on selling
cool stuff cheap.
You can subscribe to this fun and money saving ezine for free.
Visit: Get the Deal of the Day free ezine
------------------------------------------------------------
********************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *********************
Kids For Demi & Ashton?...
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are not ruling out the
possibility of kids in the future.
Despite many cynics placing bets on the shelf life of the
couple when they married in a lavish Kabbalah ceremony in
2005, Demi and Ashton may be planning to hear the pitter-
patter of tiny feet around their LA and Idaho homes.
Word is the plans were discussed with Vanity Fair... A
new child would make it almost 16 years since Demi posed
seven months pregnant and naked on the cover of the magazine
to much media attention.
Demi, 44, already has three daughters with Bruce Willis.
They are 18, 15 and 13.
Subscribe to Celebrity Nooz
*************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK ****************
------------ Man Appears At Own Funeral, Alive -------------
NEW DELHI, A confused Umkdait, India, man showed up at his
own funeral after family members mistakenly identified a body
as his. Frankie Synnah had been reported missing by his wife,
Bold Kharjana, after he lost contact with his family Dec. 27,
the Press Trust of India reported Sunday. Nongmyngsong police
told the family a man similar to Synnah's description was in
the morgue of the Civil Hospital, and the man's brother and
nephew identified the body as Synnah's. However, the real
Frankie Synnah had traveled to Guwahati for work and was
staying with a friend. He told police he had attempted to
contact his wife after arriving in Guwahati, but was unable
to reach her by phone. Kharjana said Synnah's unexpected
arrival at the service made her "the happiest person in the
world." The family returned the unidentified body to the
morgue.
Subscribe to Bizarre News
NO MORE EXCUSES -- STOP SMOKING NOW...
We want you to QUIT. Smoking is a NASTY HABIT. That's
why we've dropped our Stop Smoking Tablets from $29.99
to the unheard of price of $4.99.
Quit saying, "I'd give my right arm to STOP smoking" and do
it NOW. This is the only SAFE, nonprescription way to STOP
SMOKING. Using a combination of herbs in tablet form, this
proven tablet is a miracle. If you do not STOP SMOKING,
return the bottle for a refund, WE G-U-A-R-A-N-T-E-E IT.
STOP SMOKING TODAY
********************* WEEKLY JOKES **********************
LAFF A DAY:
I was just reading about Priapus, the Greek mythological god
of fertility. He was the son of Dionysus and Aphrodite. Like
every other deity the Greeks created, he had a part time job.
He was supposed to watch over the vineyards and the herds.
Folks, I think I've found the origins of bestiality here. They
took the young, virile son of the god of the vine and the
goddess of love, and surrounded him with the sweet, fermented
nectar of grapes, then stuck him in the middle of a field and
told him to keep an eye on the sheep. I mean, come on. It
doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened next.
Hrmph. Priapus. And here I always thought that that was what
you did with a reluctant date.
(WARNING! Contains adult humor and language)
Subscribe to Laff A Day
CLEAN LAFFS:
The 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and
primary student residence of the small Catholic university
where I work was about to be demolished. As the wrecker's
ball began to strike, I sensed the anxiety and sadness ex-
perienced by one of the older monks whose order had founded
the college.
"This must be difficult to watch, Father," I said. "The
tradition associated with that building, the memories of
all the students and monks who lived and worked there. I
can't imagine how hard this must be for you."
"It's worse than that," the monk replied. "I think I left
my PalmPilot in there."
Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
------------------------------------------------------------
SWIVEL HEAD FLASHLIGHT
Normal Price: $7.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.49
Here's a flashlight you'll wonder how you ever lived without it.
It can swivel up and down, or all around. You can even clip it
on your belt, shirt pocket, on a cap, just about anywhere.
Swivel Head Flashlight
------------------------------------------------------------
******************** WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP *********************
Two Funny Rodents - Cool Animation
From the popular animated movie Ice Age 2 - The Meltdown,
check out the two opossums Crash and Eddie as they do what
they do best. The voices of Crash and Eddie were done by
Seann William Scott and Josh Peck.
View it at: Two Funny Rodents
More great videos for every interest at: www.evtv1.com
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
? ?
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
The bottom heats,
The top cools,
And little blobs
Swim in my pools
I can be different colours,
And be a source of light,
A bedroom accessory,
I light up the night!
What am I?
TEASE ANSWER: A lava lamp.
MOVIE QUOTE:
"Lois, Pulitzer Prizes are like Academy Awards, nobody
remembers what you got one for, just that you got one."
MOVIE QUOTE ANSWER:
- Frank Langella as Perry White in "Superman Returns"
------------------------------------------------------------
GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Do you agree with Saddam's hanging?
Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week
------------------------------------------------------------
To see more issues like this visit: Gopher Bits Archives
Want some Fun and Amusements sent by email F-R-E-E! Visit:
www.gophercentral.com
------------------------------------------------------------
END OF GOPHER BITS - Another FREE Gopher Central publication
http://www.gophercentral.com
Copyright 2007 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
 E-Mail this issue
Subscribe FREE to Gopher Bits by clicking here.
|