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GOPHER BITS - Friday, October 13, 2006
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Greetings,
I recently picked up an old favorite on DVD, "The Great
Outdoors" with the late, great John Candy and SNL alumnus
Dan Aykroyd. In my opinion one of the best comedies ever
put on film. Just for you folks I actually sat down and
transcribed one of the funniest scenes in the movie.
This is shortly after John Candy as Uncle Chet scared the
hell out of the entire family with the bald bear story.
Uncle Roman goes upstairs to his little girls' bedroom to
tuck them in and reassure them that there is nothing to be
frightened of. A great quote for Friday the 13th, I think.
"Good Evening. How's it going? Listen girls, ah, as
your father I feel it incumbent upon me to set the
record straight on the validity of the tale that
Uncle Chet shared with us this evening. I know that
a terrifying story like that, coming from the mouth
of a recognized authority figure, can be traumatizing
for kids like yourselves. I know that because I had
a similar experience with my Uncle Roy and a story he
used to tell about a family that went into the woods
and was attacked by a band of escaped army psychiatric
patients who had been subjected to violent, hellish,
torturous behavior modification experiments. It seems
they escaped from the metal boxes the army kept them
in, found this family in the woods, fell upon them,
slaughtered them and ate them. Now, that story gave
me nightmares not to be believed. I don't want Uncle
Chet's bear story to upset you in the same way. I'm
here to say that there actually is no bear and that
all of what Uncle Chet was saying was just a yarn
spinning for our entertainment."
--Dan Aykroyd as Uncle Roman in "The Great Outdoors"
Campbell
campbell@gophercentral.com
P.S. If you're interested we now have a forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Forum
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??????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
? ?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
A new medical building containing 100 offices had just been
completed. Mark was hired to paint the numbers 1 to 100 on
the doors. How many times will Mark have to paint the number
nine?
MOVIE QUOTE:
"We'd have more luck playing pick-up sticks with our butt-
cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before
daybreak."
*** Answers at the bottom! ***
** For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a **
F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!
The Daily Tease
Subscribe to The Daily Tease
Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia
Subscribe to Film Quotes
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********************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *********************
Paris Seeks Restraining Order Against Shanna Moakler...
Paris Hilton is so distraught following a recent encounter
with Shanna Moakler at a Los Angeles nightclub, she is taking
out a restraining order against her. Paris is seeking the
order in response to an incident early last Wednesday at the
Hyde night spot, during which Moakler allegedly punched her
in the face. Paris is quoted in the Star, "I'm scared of her.
I feel like I have to do something to protect myself." The
hotel heiress was talking to her former flame Stavros Niarchos
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Paris added, "She threw a punch in my left jaw so hard." She
then says Niarchos threw his drink in Shanna's face, but adds,
"He never touched her. She was never touched by anyone." Both
women filed police reports regarding the incident, with
Moakler claiming Niarchos pushed her down some stairs. Moakler
was reportedly unhappy about reports suggesting Hilton is
romantically linked with her estranged husband Travis Barker.
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*************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK ****************
-------------- A Baby By Any Other Name... -----------------
BILOXI, Miss. - Attention all pregnant mothers - if your
husband is an avid sports fan, you might not want to let him
be in charge of naming the baby. Otherwise, you might end up
like Leann Real, who now has a bouncing baby boy named ESPN.
Real had promised her husband that if they had a son he could
pick the name. Well, she made good on her promise, and ESPN
Montana Real was brought into the world this week. Proud papa
Rusty chose ESPN (pronounced Espen) after the sports network
and Montana after football legend Joe Montana. "We were the
talk of the hospital," Rusty Real said. "The nurses kept
asking my wife if she was really going to let her husband
name him ESPN. She said, 'Oh, yes.'"
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********************* WEEKLY JOKES **********************
LAFF A DAY:
Mary: "My last boyfriend said he fantasized about having
two girls at once."
Jill: "Yeah, most men do. What did you tell him?"
Mary: "I said, 'If you can't satisfy one woman, why would
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(WARNING! Contains adult humor and language)
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CLEAN LAFFS:
My English professor was stopped for speeding. When asked
why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert Frost:
"I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep."
"But, Miss," replied the officer, obviously familiar with
the poet, "Frost chose the road less traveled, and,
unfortunately for you, this wasn't it."
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******************** WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP *********************
Invasion of The Christmas Crabs: Part II
Most everybody loves crab legs, unless they belong to millions
of fingernail-sized baby crabs making their way through your
home and across your yard. Watch the bizarre annual crab mi-
gration on Christmas Island.
View it at: Invasion of The Christmas Crabs: Part II
More great videos for every interest at: www.evtv1.com
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
? ?
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
A new medical building containing 100 offices had just been
completed. Mark was hired to paint the numbers 1 to 100 on
the doors. How many times will Mark have to paint the number
nine?
TEASE ANSWER: 20 times
9, 19, 29, 39, 49, 59, 69, 79, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95,
96, 97, 98, 99
MOVIE QUOTE:
"We'd have more luck playing pick-up sticks with our butt-
cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before
daybreak."
MOVIE QUOTE ANSWER:
- John Candy as Del Griffith in "Planes, Trains & Automobiles"
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GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Should Dennis Hastert resign?
Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week
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