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GOPHER BITS - Friday, May 19, 2006
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Comment The Post Below...
Greetings,
The wife has a long and busy weekend planned for herself.
She has a birthday party to attend, and then the next day
a baby shower and a wedding shower. Fortunately for me
these are all "girl" events which means I get to spend
most of the weekend home by myself. I'll be lucky if I
even get around to taking a shower at all.
Campbell
campbell@gophercentral.com
P.S. If you're interested we now have a blog. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Blog
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??????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
? ?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
A girl was writing a note in math class. On her desk were
a pencil, a protractor, a blank sheet of paper, and a
calculator. The teacher came near and looked for evidence
that she wasn't paying attention, but could not find any.
There was nothing in her pockets, desk, etc. She was guilty
of writing the note. How did she get away with it?
MOVIE QUOTE:
"I am not what is called a civilized man, Professor. I have
done with society for reasons that seem good to me. There-
fore, I do not obey its laws."
*** Answers at the bottom! ***
** For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a **
F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!
The Daily Tease
Subscribe to The Daily Tease
Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia
Subscribe to Film Quotes
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******************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *******************
More Evidence J-Lo is Pregnant...
Jennifer Lopez pregnancy rumors are heating up after Jennifer
appeared at the ALMA Awards in Los Angeles, sporting what
appeared to be a small bump and telltale grey roots. The
following day, Jennifer abruptly cancelled her first concert
tour without giving an explanation, further fuelling rumors
of a pregnancy.
Sources are saying she is three months pregnant and that the
baby will be born around Christmas. Husband Marc Anthony spoke
publicly of having a baby with Jennifer at the event saying,
"I'm looking forward to starting a family."
Subscribe to Celebrity Nooz
************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK ***************
----------- Transsexual Fakes It For 17 Years --------------
LONDON - A heiress who was married to her husband for 17
years has discovered after all this time that her man is
actually a woman. Her transsexual spouse, referred to in
court as Mr. J, concealed his true gender from her for 17
years, using a home-made part of the anatomy for sex. The
marriage was nullified when the wife, Mrs. C, found out his
true identity, and the Court of Appeal ruled that Mr. J is
not legally a parent of her 14-year-old daughter born from
donor sperm. At a hearing in 1996, Lord Justice Ward thought
many people would find it surprising that in 17 years of
marriage Mrs. C did not realize she was living with a woman.
Subscribe to Bizarre News
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******************* WEEKLY JOKES ********************
LAFF A DAY:
I watched an ant climb a blade of grass this morning. When he
reached the top, his weight bent the blade down to the ground.
Then, twisting his thorax with insectile precision, he
grabbed hold of the next blade. In this manner, he traveled
across the lawn, covering as much distance vertically as he
did horizontally, which amused and delighted me.
And then, all at once, I had what is sometimes called an
"epiphany", a moment of heightened awareness in which
everything becomes clear. Yes, hunched over that ant on my
hands and knees, I suddenly knew what I had to do... Quit
drinking before noon.
(WARNING! Contains adult humor and language)
Subscribe to Laff A Day
CLEAN LAFFS:
When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters
for my car, I buy my wife a bouquet of flowers on display
near the checkout counter.
During one trip, some women in line behind me were oohing
and aahing about a husband getting flowers for his wife.
"How often do you do that?" one asked. Before I could answer,
the cashier, more than familiar with my routine, said,
"Every three months or 3,000 miles, whichever comes first."
Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
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****************** WEEKL VIDEO CLIP *******************
The Pink Panther - I Would Like to Buy a Hamburger
Comedian Steve Martin stars in the comedy The Pink Panther.
Clouseau is trying to learn to speak American English before
heading to New York and fails to master 'I would like to buy
a hamburger' without an accent. One of the movies funniest
scenes!
View it at: The Pink Panther
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
? ?
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
A girl was writing a note in math class. On her desk were
a pencil, a protractor, a blank sheet of paper, and a
calculator. The teacher came near and looked for evidence
that she wasn't paying attention, but could not find any.
There was nothing in her pockets, desk, etc. She was guilty
of writing the note. How did she get away with it?
TEASE ANSWER:
The calculator was a graphing one. Most graphing calculators
have a function that allows you to type letters. She had been
typing out a message on it, and hit clear when the teacher
was coming.
MOVIE QUOTE:
"I am not what is called a civilized man, Professor. I have
done with society for reasons that seem good to me. There-
fore, I do not obey its laws."
MOVIE QUOTE ANSWER:
James Mason as Captain Nemo in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea"
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GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Do you have a problem with the NSA monitoring your phone
calls?
Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week
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