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GOPHER BITS - Friday, November 3, 2006
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Greetings,
Guess who's mad at me again. I'll give you a hint...I am
married to her and she's the mother of my children. If you
guessed California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger you're
wrong. It's my wife.
Earlier this week she made a delicious crock pot meal in
her slow cooker. She really is talented at this type of
cooking, knowing exactly what to put in and how long to
cook it to come up with a delicious and well-balanced meal
every time.
After dinner she was busy with the kids and asked me to
wash the crock pot for her which she had left, full of
water, in the kitchen sink to soak.
I told her fine, I'll let it soak for a while and I'd wash
it later.
As time trickled on I noticed her becoming more and more
irritated. I didn't know what the problem was but she just
seemed to be slowly getting exasperated with me. I finally
found out what the bee in her bonnet was when I got around
to washing that crock pot.
"Finally!" she practically screamed at me as I was carefully
drying her prized kitchen appliance before putting it away.
"I thought you were NEVER going to get around to washing
that God-forsaken crock pot!"
"What are you talking about?" I responded with a hurt tone
in my voice. "I said I'd wash it and I washed it!"
"Cam..." she fumed at me, "that was FIVE days ago!"
"Well...I said I'd do it later. It's later!"
Campbell
campbell@gophercentral.com
P.S. If you're interested we now have a forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Forum
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??????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
? ?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
A certain family party consisted of 1 grandfather,
1 grandmother, 2 fathers, 2 mothers, 4 children, 3
grandchildren, 1 brother, 2 sisters, 2 sons, 2
daughters, 1 father-in-law, 1 mother-in-law and 1
daughter-in-law. This may appear appear to add up
to 23 people but was in fact only 7.
Who all was the party?
MOVIE QUOTE:
"Gomez, last night - you were unhinged. You were like some
desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. - Do it again!"
*** Answers at the bottom! ***
** For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a **
F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!
The Daily Tease
Subscribe to The Daily Tease
Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia
Subscribe to Film Quotes
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********************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *********************
What star has threatened to chop off his daughter's boy-
friend's penis?
It's David Hasselhoff... David, who has two daughters,
16-year-old Taylor Ann and Hayley, 14, is very protective
of his children and has warned prospective boyfriends to
be on their best behavior with his girls.
He told Elle magazine: "My oldest daughter is dating an
older boy, so I said to her, 'You're only 16. There's
plenty of time to have sex and fall in love.' To him, I
said, 'If you hurt my daughter in any way, I will take you
outside and I will cut your thing off. I will have no
problem spending the rest of my life in prison.'
Subscribe to Celebrity Nooz
*************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK ****************
--------- Teenager Steals Bus, Picks Up Passengers ---------
Fern Park, FL -- A 15-year-old boy was arrested after he stole
a bus and began driving a route and collecting fares from
passengers along a public transit route on Saturday.
Authorities said the boy was arrested during incident.
The teenager, Ritchie Calvin Davis, drove the bus from the
Central Florida Fairgrounds in Orlando, where it was pending
an auction sale. The bus is owned by Central Florida Trans-
portation Agency. Davis told the deputies who arrested him at
the scene: "I drove that bus better than most of the LYNX
drivers could," adding, "There isn't a scratch on it. I know
how to start it, drive it, lower it, raise it." The 15-year
old observed the required speeds and all the stops along the
route. One of the passengers, however, suspicious Davis'
boyish looks and dialed 911. The teenager had two passengers
on board when deputies pulled him over; 12 miles from his
departure point. The teenager has since been charged with
auto theft and driving without a license. Davis committed a
similar offense back in January. He stole a tour bus and drove
passengers around; again, without incident. He was still on
probation from the January incident when he was arrested over
the weekend.
Subscribe to Bizarre News
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********************* WEEKLY JOKES **********************
LAFF A DAY:
The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and
I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disap-
pointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of
the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.
"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have
them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom
over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who was
looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the
store."
(WARNING! Contains adult humor and language)
Subscribe to Laff A Day
CLEAN LAFFS:
I had worked late, and my Labrador was so overjoyed to see
me arrive home that he jumped up just as I leaned down.
Our heads collided, and I sported an impressive shiner for
several weeks.
I had to repeat frequently to co-workers and friends how I
came by it, and one day on the elevator, a secretary whom
I hadn't seen for some time looked at my black eye and ex-
claimed, "My goodness, what happened to you?"
"The dog did it," I wearily replied.
A man standing next to us looked over at me and said
knowingly, "Ahh, you must own a boxer."
Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
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TOM & JERRY'S GREATEST CHASES on DVD
Get almost two hours of the crazy and fun antics of
Tom & Jerry on one DVD. You get 14 of their greatest
chases which guarantees you more tail-stomping, anvil-
dropping, teeth-shattering action from the masters of
animated slapstick. And at just $9.99 it makes a great
gift. Check it out at: Tom & Jerry Greatest Chases
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******************** WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP *********************
How To Make Caprese Salads
Tipvision Host Charlie Stone works with Whole Foods Market
Chef Paula Kucharski to make Caprese Salad. Using different
heirloom tomatoes, Paula whips up several variations on the
appetizer menu favorite.
View it at: How To Make Caprese Salads
More great videos for every interest at: www.evtv1.com
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
? ?
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
A certain family party consisted of 1 grandfather,
1 grandmother, 2 fathers, 2 mothers, 4 children, 3
grandchildren, 1 brother, 2 sisters, 2 sons, 2
daughters, 1 father-in-law, 1 mother-in-law and 1
daughter-in-law. This may appear appear to add up
to 23 people but was in fact only 7.
Who all was the party?
TEASE ANSWER:
The party consisted of 2 little girls, their brother, their
mother and father, and their father's mother and father.
MOVIE QUOTE:
"Gomez, last night - you were unhinged. You were like some
desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. - Do it again!"
MOVIE QUOTE ANSWER:
-Anjelica Huston as Morticia Addams in "The Addams Family"
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GopherCentral's Question of the Week:
Should smoking be made illegal?
Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week
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