Publication: Gopher Bits
Am I the last sane man? | |
Subscribe FREE to Gopher Bits by clicking here.
GOPHER BITS - Friday, November 17, 2006
Over 4,000,000 readers subscribe to our F-R-E-E newsletters
for NEWS, FACTS, TRIVIA, HUMOR & ENTERTAINMENT! To browse our
entire selection visit: http://www.gophercentral.com
------------------------------------------------------------
Greetings,
The wife has discovered what she believes is the perfect
Christmas gift for our two-year-old daughter. It is a
Mickey Mouse play set which runs about $50. I was aghast
at the thought of dropping fifty bucks on a gift for a
child who would be just as thrilled with a ball of colored
yarn, but then the wife told me that the play set does not
come with any of the figures of accessories. The complete
play set with everything would run about $150!
So my question is...should I just hide all of her credit
cards and the checkbook or should I actually try to reason
with her and risk creating a confrontation which will
result in me sleeping on the couch until sometime in mid-
January?
Campbell
campbell@gophercentral.com
P.S. If you're interested we now have a forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Forum
=======================================================
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
? ?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE: What phrase is represented by this rebus?
The Emu says nothing to me.
The Ostrich says nothing to me.
The Pelican says nothing to me.
The American Golden Eagle says nothing to me.
The Condor says nothing to me.
A Quail speaks to me.
MOVIE QUOTE:
"They say time is the fire in which we burn. Right now,
Captain, my time is running out. We leave so many things
unfinished in our lives."
*** Answers at the bottom! ***
** For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a **
F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!
The Daily Tease
Subscribe to The Daily Tease
Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia
Subscribe to Film Quotes
------------------------------------------------------------
*** We Just Came Here To Do The Super Bowl Shuffle ***
Here it is...the 20th Anniversary edition of the Chicago
Bears Super Bowl Shuffle. This is a must have for any
sports fan, whether you're a Bears fan or not. This DVD
will remind you of one of the best defenses in football
history. And still to this day we haven't seen a defense
as strong since the 1985 Chicago Bears. For a limited time
this DVD is available for just $9.99. Order by visiting:
Chicago Bears Super Bowl Shuffle DVD
------------------------------------------------------------
********************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *********************
Mike Tyson To Become A Male Escort?
Word is former boxing champion Mike Tyson will become a male
escort after agreeing to work at legendary Hollywood madam
Heidi Fleiss' new legalized brothel for women. Heidi bought
60 acres of land in Nevada and construction work is scheduled
to begin on Heidi's Stud Farm. She has high hopes for Tyson,
once heavyweight champion of the world despite the fact he is
a convicted rapist. She says, "I told him, 'You're going to
be my big stallion.' "It's every man's fear that their girl-
friend will go for Mike Tyson."
Tyson adds, "I don't care what any man says, it's every man's
dream to please every woman - and get paid for it."
Subscribe to Celebrity Nooz
*************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK ****************
------------------ Kicking up a stink --------------------
A US family is suing Greyhound after the contents of a bus
toilet were dumped through their open car sunroof. Robert
and Angela Stokes and their three children, aged nine, ten
and 22, were covered with faeces, urine and toilet paper,
reports the Toledo Blade. The family, from Ottawa County,
Ohio, were returning from a Mother's Day meal out at a Toledo
restaurant when it happened. They were following a Greyhound
bus on an interstate highway when the contents of the bus's
sanitary tank were suddenly dumped on their 4x4 vehicle. The
waste went through the open windows and sunroof of their Ford
Explorer, drenching all five family members. "My client was
driving in heavy traffic. They had nowhere to go. What can you
do?'' said Robert Bryce, an attorney for the family. Despite
being covered with waste, Mr. Stokes followed the bus to obtain
its identification information and registration number. The
Stokes are seeking more than £150,000 damages from Greyhound
for damage to the vehicle and their clothing, plus medical
treatment and testing for infectious diseases. Mr. Bryce said
the Stokes' vehicle was declared a total loss by their
insurance company because the stench and filth couldn't be
removed, even though the interior was steam-cleaned several
times.
Subscribe to Bizarre News
You Can Lose Weight Over The Holidays!
The Amazing Hoodia Diet Patch Will Help You Lose 20 lbs In
6 Weeks Without Hunger! Eat The Foods You Love And Burn Fat!
As Seen On CBS 60 Minutes. 100% Satisfaction.
Free Trial! Visit: Curbyourcravings.com
********************* WEEKLY JOKES **********************
LAFF A DAY:
A white guy was having trouble satisfying his wife, so he
went to his black buddy at work for advice.
"Listen," said the inept white guy, "I know you soul
brothers always satisfy your women. How do you do it?"
"Oh, dat ain't no problem," said his friend. "What I does
is stick it in 'em real slow, and then pull it out from 'em
real fast. Keep doin' that and dey come every time."
The white guy went home that night and tried his friend's
technique out. He stuck it in real slow, and then pulled it
out real fast, just like his buddy said. After a while he
asked his wife, "Honey, do notice anything different about
the way I'm doing it?"
"Yeah," she said, "you’re screwing just like black guy."
(WARNING! Contains adult humor and language)
Subscribe to Laff A Day
CLEAN LAFFS:
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near
Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the
ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his
car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his
car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of
his car.
So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a com-
munity service by giving the driver his chicken. So he
pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket
off the roof and offered it to the driver.
The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just
bought some."
Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
------------------------------------------------------------
Parents, Grandparents, Students & Children LOVE THIS...
Store Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $4.99 or less
This complete, 68-piece art set promotes creativity, expression
and of course fun! Both children and adults will love this
all-encompassing art kit that includes:
- 12 Crayons - 12 Colored Pencils - 12 Colored Markers
- 12 Oil Pastels - 1 Liquid Glue - 12 Watercolor Paints
- 1 Paint Brush - 1 Pencil Eraser - 1 Pencil Sharpener
- 1 Paint Pallet - 1 Drawing Pencil - 1 Transparent Ruler
- And a Handsome and Functional Storage Case with Carry Handle
Get this complete set for just $4.99... have a gift to get?
Pick-up two sets for just $7.98. Check it out, by visiting:
Complete 68-Piece Creativity Art Set
------------------------------------------------------------
******************** WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP *********************
American Names - Charlton Heston
Film great Charlton Heston charms the posh British audience
at the inaugural concert of the 1991 Salisbury Festival with
a recitation of the poem 'American Names' by author Steven
Vincent Benet.
View it at: American Names - Charlton Heston
More great videos for every interest at: www.evtv1.com
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
? ?
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE: What phrase is represented by this rebus?
The Emu says nothing to me.
The Ostrich says nothing to me.
The Pelican says nothing to me.
The American Golden Eagle says nothing to me.
The Condor says nothing to me.
A Quail speaks to me.
TEASE ANSWER: A little bird told me.
The first 5 species of bird in this rebus are very large
in size and weight. The Quail, on the other hand, is a
very small bird compared to the others.
MOVIE QUOTE:
"They say time is the fire in which we burn. Right now,
Captain, my time is running out. We leave so many things
unfinished in our lives."
MOVIE QUOTE ANSWER:
-- Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Soran in "Star Trek: Generations"
------------------------------------------------------------
GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Are you happy that the Democrats are in control of the House?
Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week
------------------------------------------------------------
To see more issue please visit: Gopher Bits Archives
More Free Fun & Amusement by email: www.gophercentral.com
------------------------------------------------------------
END OF GOPHER BITS - Another FREE Gopher Central publication
http://www.gophercentral.com
Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
 E-Mail this issue
Subscribe FREE to Gopher Bits by clicking here.
|