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GOPHER BITS - Friday, December 15, 2006
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Greetings,
The wife came up with what she thought was a very clever
idea this week. She found a company that will call your
house pretending to be Santa Claus and ask to speak to
YOUR CHILD'S NAME HERE. They then go through pretty much
the same schpiel that a mall Santa would; have you been
good this year? What kind of presents do you want? etc...
I was opposed to the idea based upon the fact that it cost
nine bucks for a five minute phone call (that's over a
hundred bucks an hour...I may be in the wrong racket)! But
when the wife lights upon an idea it's hard to dissuade
her.
So the call for the young'un finally came last night and
the wife listened in on the extension to make sure Santa
wasn't sexually harassing the boy, or anything.
When she finally came into the room where I was watching TV
she had an incredulous look on her face. "You won't believe
what kind of Santa we got!" she said.
"Why?" I asked. "Was he some kind of pervert or something?
Did you have to hang up on him?"
"No. But he was Indian! We got an Indian Santa."
"So what." I said. "The boy doesn't know the difference."
Campbell
campbell@gophercentral.com
P.S. If you're interested we now have a forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Gopher Bits Forum
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??????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? Guess This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE ?
? ?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
What is the largest amount of money you can have in coins
and still not be able to make change for a dollar?
MOVIE QUOTE:
"You're a... You're a complex Freudian hallucination having
something to do with my mother, and I don't know why you
have wings, but you have very lovely legs, and you're a
very nice tiny person, and what am I saying, I don't know
who my mother was--I'm an orphan--and I've never taken
drugs, because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant."
*** Answers at the bottom! ***
** For more Teasers and Movie Quotes, click below for a **
F-R-E-E SUBSCRIPTION!
The Daily Tease
Subscribe to The Daily Tease
Squirrely's Film Quotes and TV Trivia
Subscribe to Film Quotes
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----- Amos 'N Andy Complete Collection -----
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all of the radio shows, as well as the feature "Check and
Double Check".
Amos 'N Andy will never be run on television again due to
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This collection was lovingly restored by archivists and now
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Amos n' Andy Complete DVD Collection
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********************* CELEBRITY NOOZ *********************
Everybody Loves Pete...
One of TV's best-loved actors, Peter Boyle, has died.
'The Everybody Loves Raymond' star lost his long battle with
heart disease and bone marrow cancer on Tuesday night.
Boyle, 71, played the role of curmudgeonly Frank Barone in the
hit US TV show.
He passed away at New York Presbyterian Hospital, his publicist
Jennifer Plante confirmed.
Boyle grew up in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and was introduced
to showbiz at an early age, as his father was the host of a
local children's TV show.
He had a string of movie roles, including the part of a monster
in Mel Brooks' 1974 'Young Frankenstein'.
Subscribe to Celebrity Nooz
*************** BIZARRE STORY OF THE WEEK ****************
--------- Texas Bill: Let Blind Hunters Use Lasers ---------
AUSTIN, Texas - A lawmaker in this firearm-friendly state
wants to help more people get the chance to shoot live animals
even if those people can't see. A bill filed for the 2007
legislative session would permit legally blind hunters to use
laser sights, or lighted pointing instruments. "This opens up
the fun of hunting to additional people, and I think that's
great," said Republican Rep. Edmund Kuempel. Visually impaired
people are allowed to shoot now with the aid of a sighted
person, he said, a requirement that would continue if the
sights were legalized. "I've seen this on TV before, when
they're taking target practice," Kuempel said. "When they aim
the gun, the guide tells them, aim two inches higher or two
inches lower and you're on the target, and you're off and
running." Kuempel's bill would give the state until Jan. 1,
2008, to come up with a definition of legally blind so the law
could be enforced. Under existing law, the use of laser sights,
spotlights and headlights is strictly prohibited in all Texas
hunting. The practice can have the effect of making animals
stand still as the light shines on them. Hunters using sights
under the proposed legislation would have to carry proof that
they are legally blind. The Legislature convenes Jan. 9 for
its 140-day session.
Subscribe to Bizarre News
FOREVER FLASHLIGHT - Easy To Use And Lasts FOREVER...
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********************* WEEKLY JOKES **********************
LAFF A DAY:
A young camper at summer camp asked the chaplain if
"hard on" was hyphenated.
The chaplain replies, "What in heaven's name are you
writing home about!"
The young boy says, "I'm telling Mom and Dad about the
project we worked so 'hard on'."
(WARNING! Contains adult humor and language)
Subscribe to Laff A Day
CLEAN LAFFS:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross
the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer
was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when
the light is red.
She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people
doing driving?!"
Subscribe to CLEAN LAFFS
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DRUM FRENZY - Roll Up Drum Set - The Gift EVERYONE Loves...
Store Price: $99.99
OUR PRICE: $59.99
Better than a full set of drums but only a fraction of the
cost and size. Each of the four (4) different drums can be
adjusted to eight (8) different tones, including cymbals,
providing 32 DIFFERENT SOUNDS. Includes:
- 30 preset rhythms
- 10 demo songs to play along with
- 20 preset drum combinations
- Volume adjustment
- Tempo adjustment.
- Headphone jack to practice with privacy.
- Complete with detailed instructions.
Folds for storage or easy transport. A gift that any music
lover or would-be musician will love.
Drum Frenzy - Roll Up Drum Set
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******************** WEEKLY VIDEO CLIP *********************
Deep Ocean Impressions - Sea Turtle & Jellyfish
Come watch the wonder and beauty of this sea turtle in his
natural habitat. He appears to just float in the water when
he swims and gets a little too close to a huge jellyfish.
View it at: Deep Ocean Impressions
More great videos for every interest at: www.evtv1.com
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
? ?
? This Week's BRAIN TEASER and MOVIE QUOTE Answers ?
? ?
????????????????????????????????????????????????????
TEASE:
What is the largest amount of money you can have in coins
and still not be able to make change for a dollar?
TEASE ANSWER:
Three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, for a total
of $1.19.
MOVIE QUOTE:
"You're a... You're a complex Freudian hallucination having
something to do with my mother, and I don't know why you
have wings, but you have very lovely legs, and you're a
very nice tiny person, and what am I saying, I don't know
who my mother was--I'm an orphan--and I've never taken
drugs, because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant."
MOVIE QUOTE ANSWER: Robin Williams as Peter Banning in "Hook"
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GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Do you think the US spied on Princess Diana?
Please share your opinion, visit: The Question of the Week
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To see more issues please visit: Gopher Bits Archives
More Free Fun & Amusement by email: www.gophercentral.com
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