Publication: Dear Abby
Woman Boldy Goes Where Neighbors Shouldn't Tread | |
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DEAR ABBY - March 7, 2008
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WOMAN BOLDLY GOES WHERE NEIGHBORS SHOULDN'T TREAD
ABBY: When our real estate agent was showing us our house
three years ago, the woman who lives next door walked into
the back yard where we were standing to introduce herself.
After we moved in, she knocked on our door one night
carrying dinner for the two of us. It seemed like a
neighborly gesture. We responded with a thank-you note.
Over the next few days, food would be laid at our door,
always with a Post-It note saying, "From Bea." Soon she
asked us to take care of her cats and plants while she went
out of town for a week. We asked if she would reciprocate
when we were away -- she agreed.
After we returned from our trip, a woman I hardly knew came
up to me at the market and said, "I LOVE your home! I can't
believe you even have contrasting piping on the lining of
your drawers!" Apparently, Bea had taken her on a tour of
our house in our absence. When I told Bea I didn't
appreciate it, she got angry with the woman for telling me!
Over the summer, I noticed Bea going quickly from place to
place in the neighborhood with a smirk on her face. Without
asking, she would take her lawn mower and mow people's yards
when she felt the grass was too high. Once she tried to
encourage me to help her cut back the branches of another
neighbor's tree that she felt was overgrown. Her husband
says she never feels guilty, only sad at getting caught.
Her most recent escapade involves a shrub in our yard. In
winter it loses its leaves. I came home one day to find it
"replaced." I have also discovered that she "befriends"
elderly single ladies down the street, convinces them to
sell at below-market prices, and turns their homes into
rental properties.
What kind of person am I dealing with, and how can we handle
this? Is she crazy?
-- DAVID IN PHOENIX
DAVID: The person you have described is highly manipulative,
does not respect boundaries and appears to have no conscience.
She has no right to enter someone else's property without
permission and cut their grass or trim their trees, and doing
so could be considered trespassing. As for replacing your
shrub, if you could prove she took it, you could take her to
court and she would have to replace the one she took with one
like it.
I hope you realize that by convincing the neighbors to sell
their homes at below-market rates, she is adversely affecting
the price of your property because a buyer would compare your
asking price with that of other homes that have sold in your
neighborhood.
This woman is crazy like a fox. If she's manipulating elderly
people who don't know any better, then in my opinion, she's
guilty of elder abuse -- and that's against the law.
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ABBY: My husband and I recently went on vacation. He
invited his sister to go with us. Every night at dinner,
they would reminisce about their childhood -- people they
knew and things they did.
I am not from the same hometown as they are. I told my
husband it was rude for the two of them to have done that.
He feels we have enough "together time" and he did nothing
wrong. Abby, what are your thoughts?
-- OUTSIDER IN GREENVILLE, S.C.
OUTSIDER: It is normal, natural and understandable that
siblings who haven't seen each other in a while would take
some time to reminisce. However, to leave you sitting at
the table feeling like a third wheel was inconsiderate of
your feelings, if that's the topic that dominated the
entire meal.
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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