Publication: Dear Abby
Therapy Helps Deaf Woman Speak Too Well To Be Believed | |
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DEAR ABBY - April 21, 2008
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THERAPY HELPS DEAF WOMAN SPEAK TOO WELL TO BE BELIEVED
ABBY: I am a deaf woman who was raised by a woman who made
sure I had speech therapy most of my life. Because of it,
my speech is quite good, and people often forget that I am
deaf or don't believe me.
I was pulled over by a cop, and when I told him I was deaf
and needed to read his lips, he didn't believe me. Friends
and co-workers have even told me, "With speech like yours,
you can't be THAT deaf!" It is frustrating and sometimes
hurtful.
The truth is I cannot hear, and I need people to look at me
so I can read their lips. Any suggestions on how to kindly
remind people -- including law enforcement officers -- that
I really am deaf?
-- READ MY LIPS IN D.C.
READ MY LIPS: You should request from your physician a card
explaining your hearing disability, and carry it in your
wallet in case you are stopped again by law enforcement. You
can also use it if there are any more misunderstandings in
the workplace.
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ABBY: I'm a 46-year-old woman with two grown children. My
daughter, "Summer," is abusive. Her husband, "Craig," laughs
it off and calls it "just being Summer," but I don't find it
funny. My health isn't 100 percent, and sometimes I need help.
I live in Nebraska, and Summer lives in Illinois. When she
and Craig fight, she comes to stay with me and my husband.
I had foot surgery last year. The last time Summer was here,
we had an argument and she stomped on my feet until they
bled. I was so badly injured I had to go to the ER for
treatment.
Summer is now angry because I changed my will and made my
best friend the executor. It has always been understood that
if I got sick, Summer would take care of me because I don't
want to go to a nursing home. But I'd rather risk being
abused by a stranger than my daughter, and my son lives too
far away to help.
Am I right about this? My husband doesn't like it. During
the four years we've been together, he hasn't shown me he
loves me enough to follow my wishes regarding being sick or
dying. I'm not scared, but I need to know that what I want
is what I'll get. Your thoughts, please?
-- MIND OF MY OWN
MIND OF MY OWN: Your daughter appears to be seriously
disturbed. Because she has a history of violence, she should
not stay in your home, nor should you be alone with her. I
can only hope that after she assaulted you, the incident was
reported to the police. Under no circumstances should she be
your caregiver.
You have options besides going to a nursing home. One would
be to hire a home health-care worker in the event you become
unable to help yourself. You should also consult a lawyer
who specializes in wills and trusts to ensure that a person
you can trust has your power of attorney for health-care
decisions and will, if necessary, fight like a tiger for
you to ensure that your wishes are carried out.
Because your marriage is recent, you may also want to
ensure that any property that's in your name is handled
according to your wishes. Do not wait to do this. It will
give you peace of mind.
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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