Publication: Dear Abby
Teen Twins Are Waging A War For Independence | |
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DEAR ABBY - April 9, 2008
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TEEN TWINS ARE WAGING A WAR FOR INDEPENDENCE
ABBY: My 13-year-old twin daughters were very close,
considered each other their "best friend" and got along
beautifully sharing a room. Disagreements and arguments
ere rare and nearly always minor.
However, during the last few months, out of the blue, they
have begun fighting and arguing frequently. They scream and
yell at each other over the pettiest of things. Instead of
being constant companions, they no longer want to do any-
thing together.
Now they spend time separately with friends. They are even
asking us to get a bigger house so they can have separate
rooms. They refuse to share the bathroom in the morning --
which had never been a problem before -- claiming to need
privacy from each other. This makes things very difficult
during the morning rush because we also have a 15-year-old
son who needs to get ready for school.
I am at my wit's end trying to deal with this. I have no
idea what caused this sudden rift, and the girls don't
seem to understand it either. Please help.
-- LOUISIANA MOM OF 3
LOUISIANA MOM: What's causing the rift is that your
daughters are maturing. Their hormones are changing, and
they are trying to become individuals. This is a healthy
thing, and you should not worry.
As to the scheduling problem in the bathroom -- if the
girls won't cooperate and share the facilities, then they
will have to alternate. And your job as mother and referee
is to see that they do.
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ABBY: I recently visited my favorite brother and his
family for a few days. My sister-in-law invited me to go
out for coffee with her -- just the two of us -- then
proceeded to tell me in great detail about an affair she
had about a year ago. I was floored.
My brother doesn't know about this, and now this
information is haunting me. If my brother knew my husband
had cheated and didn't tell me, I'd be furious. On the
other hand, telling my brother will hurt him. What should
I do?
-- BURDENED IN CALIFORNIA
BURDENED: Ask yourself this question -- if you wanted to
keep an infidelity from your spouse, would you confide
"in great detail" in his sibling? If the answer is no,
then consider that your sister-in-law is either completely
lacking in judgment or subconsciously aching to get caught.
Then follow your conscience.
ABBY: I would appreciate your opinion on a matter that
has me concerned. My son and his wife have gone on a trip
to Africa. I am watching the grandchildren part of the
time while their parents are gone.
The night before my son left, I said, "To be prudent and
prepared in case of emergency, in the event you have an
accident, who will be the permanent guardians for these
children?" His reply was, "That is none of your business.
It is a personal matter."
Was I out of bounds to ask that question?
-- GUILT-RIDDEN IN REDMOND, WASH.
GUILT-RIDDEN: Absolutely not. Your question was a timely
and intelligent one. A more pertinent question would now
be why your son became defensive that you asked. Could it
be that he feels guilty because the answer is you will not
be named as guardian?
If that's the case, then some written provision should be
made specifying that if anything happens to him and your
daughter-in-law, you will have visitation with your grand-
children -- because unless it is on paper, there is no
guarantee you will.
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
____________________________________________________________
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END OF ABBY
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