Publication: Dear Abby
Manager Who Grabs Brass Ring Ends Up With Tarnished Hands | |
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DEAR ABBY - April 2, 2008
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MANAGER WHO GRABS BRASS RING ENDS UP WITH TARNISHED HANDS
ABBY: I just made the biggest career mistake of my life. I
was working for a wonderful company. Then a former co-worker
told me about a management position opening at the agency
she went to work for. I thought it would be my golden
opportunity for advancement. I submitted my resume and,
after two interviews, got the job.
The problem: This is the unfriendliest company I have ever
seen. Management belittles staff. Praise is seldom given.
There is no kindness, no "good mornings" uttered -- the
people here are just plain MEAN.
I am a friendly, outgoing person, and I'm having a hard time
adapting. I miss my old job. I realize now that I made a
hasty decision, and I don't know what to do. My old position
has been filled, so there's no way I can go back. What should
I do?
-- RELUCTANT MANAGER IN VERMONT
RELUCTANT MANAGER: Your predicament proves the truth of the
saying, "The grass isn't always greener." For the sake of
your mental health, start looking for another job. There is
no way you are going to change the corporate culture in the
place you're now working.
Don't discount your old workplace; stay in touch. Something
may open up there, and your former colleagues may be glad to
welcome you back.
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ABBY: Help! I am engaged to a man with three kids -- a 7-
year-old girl and 9-year-old twin boys -- and soon to
become a stepmom. He has them about half the time.
The family all believe their biological mother is failing
miserably, and I feel as though they view me as a suitable
substitute. I like his children, but I have three of my own.
One is grown; two are teenagers. I see the light at the end
of the tunnel and do not want to start over again raising
someone else's kids.
Can I marry this man and not have to raise his kids? Or is
that what a stepmother does? I would be happy just being
their friend.
-- UNCERTAIN STEPMOM IN NEW ENGLAND
UNCERTAIN: Although you would be happy just being their
friend, at their ages and with the biological mother
"failing miserably," face it: There will be plenty of
mothering going on. Of course you will have a hand in
raising those children -- it goes with the territory. If
that's not what you are willing to sign on for, you should
not marry him. Sorry.
ABBY: My husband, "Lee," and I have been married two years
and have kept all of our finances separate, including
having different auto insurance policies.
While I was away on a business trip, Lee moved my car and
parked it in our circular driveway. Subsequently, a tree
limb broke and dented my car's trunk.
I was extremely distressed that damage was done to my car
when I wasn't even in the vicinity. I feel that, as a
minimum, Lee should pay half of my car's deductible. He
refuses because he says it was an act of nature.
Obviously neither of us was directly to blame, but I truly
believe he should pay half the deductible because he moved
my car in the first place. What do you think?
-- OUT ON A LIMB IN GEORGIA
OUT ON A LIMB: I see the logic. However, it depends on why
your husband moved your car. If Lee moved it because it was
street-cleaning or trash collection day, then he should not
be penalized. However, if he moved it on a whim, he should
fork over his half of the deductible.
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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END OF ABBY
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