Publication: Dear Abby
Woman Questions Her Future With Man Clinging To His Past | |
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DEAR ABBY - April 4, 2008
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WOMAN QUESTIONS HER FUTURE WITH MAN CLINGING TO HIS PAST
ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Gary" for four
years. His late wife was his first and only relationship.
When he moved in with me, he brought so many boxes they
filled my entire basement. I want it cleared out because I
don't feel I should have to store his past.
Gary's adult children have had the opportunity to take
boxes home, but never do. When I asked him to clean things
up, he responded by saying he doesn't feel at home here and
will start looking for a place of his own.
For the most part, our relationship is a good one. I feel
if he's ready to move on, he shouldn't have brought his
past here with him -- including the urn containing his
late wife's ashes. Am I wrong to feel this way?
-- FEELING CROWDED, CARLIN, NEV.
FEELING CROWDED: While all of us bring the "baggage" of
past relationships with us as we move through life, your
friend has done it in a literal sense. If he was concerned
about your feelings, he could rent a storage unit -- but
he hasn't. Telling you that if you insist he clear out the
basement, he will clear you out of his life is emotional
blackmail.
Perhaps it's time to ask yourself if this relationship is
a healthy one. Could the boxes and the urn be symptoms of
a larger problem? If so, then Gary should haul his ashes,
boxes and self elsewhere.
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ABBY: My husband and I have a 20-year-old nephew I'll call
"Adam," who sometimes lacks good judgment. We have told him
that when he visits he should ask before drinking our milk.
The price of milk has gone sky-high, and we have a 7-year-
old who drinks a lot of it. We have had to tighten our
purse strings and try to make a gallon last a week. When
Adam comes over, he will drink two or three big glasses of
it. Now, instead of asking, he sneaks it when we're not
looking.
His mother, "Faye," is also my best friend. While she was
visiting, Adam waited until we went into the family room,
then consumed more than half of the gallon of milk we had
just purchased. When we discovered what had happened, we
called Adam on his cell phone and told him we weren't
happy about it. Faye overheard the conversation.
When we saw her the next day, she didn't seem too upset
about it. But now that she's back home in Florida, she
hasn't returned any of my calls or e-mails. Could
scolding Adam about the milk have anything to do with
Faye's silence?
-- SOURED IN CONNECTICUT
SOURED: If you explained to Adam that you and your
husband are on a strict budget, and that you didn't want
him to drink the milk, then he was wrong to help himself
to it. It is not unheard of for a parent to become
offended when someone scolds his or her child. That may
be the reason you're getting the silent treatment. But
no one can answer that question for sure other than Faye.
ABBY: I have a very strict father. I respect what he has
to say, but I don't like the fact that he won't let me
have a boyfriend. He thinks all dudez are alike -- well,
most dudez at least. I need that li'l bit of advice,
pleeeezzz.
Love always, BABI IN MILFORD, CONN.
BABI: Dadz can be that way sometimez. Perhaps yours is
trying to prevent you from making an "S" of yourself.
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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