Publication: Dear Abby
Daughter Lauds Mom's Efforts To Integrate Multiple Selves | |
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DEAR ABBY - April 3, 2008
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DAUGHTER LAUDS MOM'S EFFORTS TO INTEGRATE MULTIPLE SELVES
ABBY: I was offended by your response to True Love Texan
(Jan. 18) when he asked about loving a woman with multiple
personality disorder. MPD is also known as Dissociative
Identity Disorder. Individuals with DID have survived
severe childhood abuse. The way they coped was to split
into different personalities. DID can be treated through
intense psychotherapy, which attempts to integrate the
personalities into one.
A loving relationship IS possible with people who have DID.
My mother is an example. She has DID due to extreme child-
hood ritual and sexual abuse. She's the most amazing and
resilient woman I have ever known, and I am proud to be
her daughter. My father has been married to her for 35
years and has supported her unconditionally. It can work!
Please educate your readers and provide some useful
information about the courageous people who live with DID.
-- PROUD OF MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA
PROUD OF MOM: I received a slew of mail about this. My
response to True Love Texan was not meant to minimize the
seriousness of Dissociative Identity Disorder. This man
must understand what is involved before he makes a lifelong
commitment.
The following responses offer personal insights meant to
support him as well as provide information about this
sensitive topic. Read on:
ABBY: Telling that Texan to be certain that he loves every
one of the multiple personalities may not be possible. How-
ever, it is possible to have a successful marriage with a
person who has DID.
My husband and I will celebrate our 20th anniversary this
summer, and he is a multiple. We knew about some of his
personalities when we began dating, but others have
surfaced as the years went on. It has not been easy, and
I have had to deal with different folks coming out at
awkward times. But as my husband said, Your life will never
be boring if you marry me, and he was right.
-- WIFE TO ONE OF MANY IN VANCOUVER, WASH.
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ABBY: I know from firsthand experiences that all the love,
devotion and loyalty may never be enough when dealing with
a person with DID. Instead of being a partner, spouse or
equal, I became my wife's caregiver, peacemaker and some-
times a target.
Nothing was ever easy; I could not depend on anything going
smoothly or without incident. More than once, my life and
safety were seriously compromised. Finally, I became lost
and overwhelmed by her illness.
After 13 years of turmoil and uncertainty, I had to leave.
A serious illness gave me no choice but to take care of
myself for a change.
I hope True Love Texan will heed the warnings of his friends
and understand the gravity of this illness before he makes a
lifetime commitment.
-- WISER IN CALIFORNIA
ABBY: When a child is denied normal defenses and abused by
those who are responsible for providing safety, some
children do the most sane thing possible. They retreat
into their own minds to a place of safety. We choose to
call this by a new term, Multiple Personality Gift (MPG).
As long as the woman is in counseling, and True Love Texan
is on board with the counseling, there is no reason they
cannot have a good and productive life together. He needs
to understand the abuse issues and be patient and gentle.
Many people with MPG are highly intelligent and creative,
with much to offer to those who are willing to open their
minds and hearts.
-- ADOPTIVE MOM IN NEW YORK
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
____________________________________________________________
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