Publication: Dear Abby
Parents' View Of Gays Leads Unhappy Son To Take His Life | |
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DEAR ABBY - March 25, 2008
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PARENTS' VIEW OF GAYS LEADS UNHAPPY SON TO TAKE HIS LIFE
ABBY: I am struggling with the question of whether or not
to reveal a confidence made more than two years ago. My
boyfriend at the time, "Jerry," revealed to me that he was
gay. We remained friends, but I moved on and started dating
someone else.
Jerry never confided his secret to anyone else and,
eventually feeling overcome with depression, took his own
life. Jerry told me more than once that he knew how his
parents would feel if he told them he was gay. He saw the
way they snickered when they saw a gay couple. They made it
very clear to him that they didn't think it was normal.
Jerry was sure, seeing the way his parents viewed gay people,
that this was how he, too, would be viewed.
His parents are now blaming me for the fact that Jerry took
his own life. They say it was because we broke up. Would it
be selfish of me to tell them the truth -- that THEY are the
real reason? Or should I continue to keep his secret?
-- HIS BEST FRIEND, ROCHESTER, N.Y.
BEST FRIEND: You should reveal that your friend told you he
was gay and was worried about how his parents would accept
it. However, when you tell them, do not expect them to believe
you. It will be far easier for them to continue pointing the
finger at you than to accept that they had a role in their
son's suicide.
ABBY: My husband and I went to a restaurant tonight hoping
to enjoy a relaxing evening of quiet conversation.
Unfortunately, a man dominated all the conversations in the
small restaurant by continually talking in a very loud voice.
The same thing happened several months ago, when our quiet
dinner was interrupted by an elderly woman across the room
who talked loudly the entire time we were there. She seemed
to be hard of hearing, so we felt some sympathy for her. The
man tonight, however, seemed to hear just fine.
Abby, if my children were talking that loudly in a public
place, I'd admonish them to use their "indoor voices." How
do we handle the situation when the loud speaker is an adult
and a stranger?
-- INDOOR VOICE, PLEASE
I.V.P.: Few restaurants today offer diners a place to enjoy
"a relaxing evening of quiet conversation." The trend in
recent years has been to create a "scene" with hustle and
bustle and enough noise that the tables can be turned fairly
quickly.
If someone was conversing so loudly that I could not enjoy
a meal, I would ask the host to be seated elsewhere. And if
that didn't solve the problem, I would find another
restaurant that was more conducive to the kind of evening I
had in mind and patronize that one.
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ABBY: I make embroidered tablecloths as wedding gifts for
my nieces and nephews. Some of their marriages have failed.
Would it be tacky of me to request these gifts be returned
to the family member for whom I made them? I put a lot of
time and love into those tablecloths, and I'd like to see
them stay in the family.
-- TALENTED STITCHER
TALENTED STITCHER: You could try asking nicely. Often
wedding gifts are divided according to which side of the
family -- the bride's or the groom's -- gave the gift in
the first place. However, when the divorce is a bitter one,
the division of property sometimes must be decided by a
judge. The time to get something like this settled would
be before matters go that far, if possible.
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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