Publication: Dear Abby
Active Fantasy Life Does Not Mean You Are Cheating | |
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DEAR ABBY - March 5, 2008
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Can We Save The Planet?
We can if we all work together. Living Green is a
free newsletter that gives you earth-friendly tips
and practices you can use in your household, school
or community.
Jump on board and do your part. It's really easy to
do when you learn some simple and easy-to-follow tips.
Living Green
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ACTIVE FANTASY LIFE DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE CHEATING
ABBY: My co-workers and I have been talking, and we disagree
on this. Is fantasizing about someone other than your partner
cheating? I say no. What do you think?
-- "BEAUTIFUL DREAMER," BRIDGETON, MO.
"BEAUTIFUL DREAMER": It is not unusual for people in the
throes of passion -- or even walking down the street -- to
take a fantasy side trip. It's not cheating and can enhance
the experience.
However, for you and your co-workers to discuss sex at the
office IS being "unfaithful" -- to your boss!
ABBY: After 10 years of marriage, I have come to a
realization. I am a terrible housekeeper! I have tried
learning to clean better, using new techniques or different
equipment. My husband has begged, bribed and fought with me
over picking up my stuff. We have a good relationship,
though, and this is one of the only conflicts between us.
We by no means live in squalor, but our house is usually
messy. Frankly, I'm not interested in housecleaning. I'm
not lazy. I'm busy with two kids, volunteering at two
different schools, preparing healthy meals, engaging in
endless play, make-believe and kiddie craft projects.
My mom and grandmother were also somewhat laissez-faire
about housekeeping. Their motto was always, "Happy children
are more important than a clean house."
There are so many more interesting and important things to
do; I get little satisfaction from housekeeping. Cleanliness
is short-lived around here, anyway. I believe there are more
messy homes out there than people admit. A little clutter
never hurt anyone.
This problem is not family-threatening, but I would like
your opinion on it.
-- GOOD MOM IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.
GOOD MOM: You asked for it -- and here it is. I agree that
there are probably more messy homes out there than people
admit. However, there is a difference between "clutter" and
"not clean."
Your kitchen and bathrooms should be kept clean to safeguard
the health of your children and spouse. If the problem is
clothing in your bedroom that you have tossed all over,
allow me to remind you that it takes only a moment to toss
an item into the clothes hamper, hang it up or return it,
folded, to the drawer from which you took it.
While I agree that "happy children are more important than a
clean house," the two are not mutually exclusive. A dis-
organized house can also be a sign of a disorganized mind.
You're setting a poor example for your children, who will
grow up thinking this is acceptable -- just as you did. You
should be teaching them to do their part, too.
P.S. Has it occurred to you to hire a housekeeper to come
once or twice a month?
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ABBY: My husband reads the newspaper at the dinner table
almost every night in front of the children. He says it's
the only time he has to read the paper.
Is it rude to read at the dinner table when there are four
other people sitting there?
-- INQUIRING MIND IN GEORGIA
INQUIRING MIND: It's not only rude, it's poor parenting.
You're doing your part by having dinner on the table, but
your husband is shirking his duty as a dad. The dinner hour
is the ideal time for family conversation, for him to learn
about what's going on in the children's lives and to discuss
current events -- providing they are old enough. It is also
a time for parents to "model" the kind of manners they want
to pass on to their kids.
I don't know what your husband is doing AFTER dinner, but
that would be the optimum time for him to catch up on the
news rather than hiding from all of you.
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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END OF ABBY
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