Publication: Dear Abby
Couple Gets Silent Treatment For Opting Out Of Family Plot | |
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ABBY - May 5, 2008
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COUPLE GETS SILENT TREATMENT FOR OPTING OUT OF FAMILY PLOT
ABBY: My husband and I have been informed that a family
headstone has been purchased, and our share is $2,000 --
each. This was never discussed among the family members.
The cemetery is located out of state. My husband is in
the military, and we had planned to use the military
cemetery where we live for a small fee. We think the
family was rude and presumptuous planning for our deaths.
Because we declined, the family no longer speaks to us,
which breaks our hearts. I am sure it is a tactic to wear
us down.
We have received an e-mail telling us we are no longer
welcome to attend the family reunion this summer unless
we fork over the $4,000 and agree to have our names
placed on the headstone. Your opinion, please, and any
advice would be greatly appreciated.
-- NOT DEAD AND BURIED YET
NOT D AND B: If you were truly considered "part of the
family," you would have been part of the discussion and
planning for that headstone. The silent treatment your
family is giving you is emotional blackmail. Do not give
in. Sad as it may be, recognize that you were already
"excommunicated" when you were excluded from the planning
and the purchase of the plot, not because you refused
their demand.
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ABBY: I have started dating a man, "Karl," who is wonder-
ful. We have similar values and enjoy doing the same
things. After talking over lunches and dinners, I decided
to do some Internet digging, and have learned that Karl
is nine years younger than I am.
My friend and I are both in our 60s -- Karl is at the
beginning, I'm at the end. I dwell on the age difference
all the time and have started refusing his dinner
invitations. Am I making too much out of this? Or should
I go with the flow and see what happens?
My mom always told me she liked the saying, "I would
rather be an old man's sweetheart than a young man's
old lady." I have always agreed with her.
-- YOUNG AT HEART
YOUNG AT HEART: For heaven's sake, go with the flow. As
my mother used to say, "The most important ingredient
in a lasting marriage is a husband who lasts."
Demographically, men die younger than women do. You and
Karl are, to put it mildly, well into adulthood. You
share similar values and common interests. To reject
him because he is nine years younger is crazy. Discuss
it with him. You might be pleased to learn that he would
enjoy being your "boy-toy."
ABBY: I'm a college senior (female) who spends a lot of
time with my professors. This includes extracurricular
functions and receptions.
I have always addressed them as "professor." But lately,
they have been signing e-mails (personal ones) with their
first names. Does this mean they want me to call them by
their first names? Or should I just continue addressing
them as "professor"?
-- COLLEGE SENIOR IN N.C.
COLLEGE SENIOR: Until you graduate, continue to address
them using their titles. After that, ask them what they
would like you to call them. But for now, using the titles
they have earned shows respect.
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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