Publication: Dear Abby
Families Of Disabled Children Can Find Help For The Future | |
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DEAR ABBY - April 17, 2008
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FAMILIES OF DISABLED CHILDREN CAN FIND HELP FOR THE FUTURE
ABBY: Please allow me to respond to "No Thanks! Sacramento,
Calif." (Feb. 7). Having also grown up with a disabled
sibling, I empathize with her distress and feeling "saddled"
with an obligation of caring for her younger mentally
retarded sister.
I recommend she talk to her school counselor, who may be
able to assist with family counseling. Once her sister turns
18, she may be eligible for public assistance as well as
other state programs. Many nonprofit organizations are
available to assist disabled citizens after their parents
have passed, so the sole burden does not fall upon the
sibling's shoulders.
My mother has conservatorship over my brother's medical
affairs, while a local nonprofit organization oversees his
financial affairs. When Mother passes, there is a small
trust fund set aside for him that I will manage. I will
then becomehis medical conservator. Everything is set up
in a way that I can care for my brother while maintaining
a life separate from him.
-- LISA IN SAN DIEGO
LISA: I was enlightened by the responses that poured in
offering additional recommendations that may alleviate the
concerns of both "No Thanks" and her mother. Thank you for
sharing yours. Read on:
ABBY: I am a senior support coordinator (futures and estate
planning) with The Arc of Frederick County, Md. The concerns
"No Thanks" has about being completely responsible for her
sister's care are frequently expressed by siblings of
children with disabilities. Fortunately, there are many
possibilities for her family that would allow the best of
both worlds.
Thank you for printing the letter from this young lady,
Abby. She echoes the concerns of siblings around the world,
and there IS an answer.
-- KARLA IN FREDERICK, MD.
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ABBY: As the mother and sister of special-needs people, I
understand both "NT's" and her mother's points of view. You
recommend a "group living situation" for her sister, but
unfortunately there aren't nearly enough group homes to meet
the large (and growing) demand for them. "Becky" should get
on a housing wait list as soon as possible.
Her parents should contact the special-ed department at the
local high school. The department is aware of organizations
that can help with Becky's needs. Also, the parents should
make financial arrangements for Becky's future. My parents
did these things for my brother, and I am very grateful.
-- SEES BOTH SIDES IN COLUMBIA, MD.
ABBY: I am mom to a 15-year-old son with autism, bipolar
disorder and mental retardation. I also have a daughter
who is 12.
One day, when my daughter was only 8, we explained that
most adults move out of their parents' home and into a
place of their own. I explained that eventually her brother
would be moving into a group home with others like him.
My daughter said: "I love my brother, but I don't think I
want him to live with me when we grow up. Is it OK if I
visit him and make sure he has the things that make him
happy? He could come to my house for holidays and birthdays."
Perhaps, if "No Thanks" shows this to her mother, they can
both see the compromise and have a little peace of mind.
-- BEEN THERE IN OREGON
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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END OF ABBY
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