Publication: Dear Abby
Wife Feels Invisible When Dining Out With Husband | |
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DEAR ABBY - March 21, 2008
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WIFE FEELS INVISIBLE WHEN DINING OUT WITH HUSBAND
ABBY: You printed a letter from a woman who told you her pet
peeve was that when she and her friends went to restaurants,
they were addressed as "you guys" by the servers.
Now let me share my pet peeve: What really frosts me is the
way some waiters address only my husband. They greet only
him when we arrive, and thank only him when we leave.
Apparently I am invisible! If they don't value my business,
why should I give it to them?
-- LORRAINE IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.
LORRAINE: No law says you must. The servers you describe
must be using an outdated etiquette book. Their behavior
harkens back to the days when males were presumed to be
sole providers, expected to pay the tab, and often placed
the food order for their companions so the fragile little
things wouldn't have to bother speaking to the person
taking the order. (In some establishments, women were
handed separate menus with no prices listed because the
very mention of money was vulgar.)
Because you rightly feel that you have been treated rudely,
have a word with the manager of the restaurant and explain
that you won't be eating there again because you were not
made to feel welcome. Then take your business elsewhere.
ABBY: A few years ago I was assisting with a local talent
show and received a handwritten note from a parent
expressing how much her child enjoyed being in the show
and that she appreciated my efforts. It was unexpected
and brightened my day.
I decided I would try to find someone to thank whenever
possible, and have since mailed many little notes. I wrote
to thank my daughter's bus driver for being kind, prompt
and safe all year. I contacted a store manager to
compliment him on a cashier who was exceptionally helpful
and cheerful.
I hear so many people complain, sometimes misdirecting their
anger at whoever is in their path. Impatient drivers sound
their horns relentlessly. Neighbors threaten to sue each
other. Enough, already! The power of a thank-you note goes
beyond good manners. It's a great pick-me-up to receive a
little thank-you now and then.
-- GRATEFUL NOTE WRITER, BRECKSVILLE, OHIO
GRATEFUL: Thank you for writing. It's interesting that what
started you penning thank-you notes was receiving one. Most
people cultivate this social skill because they were taught
to do so by a parent.
Thank-you notes do not need to be long or fancy, and should
reflect one's spontaneous reaction for someone making an
effort on your behalf -- giving exceptional service,
entertaining you or treating you to a meal, or upon receipt
of a gift. It can be simple: "The dinner was delightful,
the company even more so. Thank you for including me." Or:
"The gift is beautiful. Every time I look at it, I'm
reminded of your thoughtfulness and generosity. Thank you!"
A sentence or two can be more eloquent than a paragraph.
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ABBY: My friend "Patti" always brags to me about how many
guys try to talk to her. When she tells me, sometimes I
change the subject and act as if I don't hear her -- mainly
because I'm not in a relationship right now, and I can't
possibly be happy for her when things are so bad for me.
Am I being a bad friend?
-- FEELING GUILTY IN NORTH CAROLINA
FEELING GUILTY: Because you're not getting the kind of
attention you crave at the moment shouldn't mean you're
not happy for Patti. But for her to gloat about her
embarrassment of riches while you're starving for attention
is immature and not very nice, either. From where I sit,
neither one of you is being a particularly supportive friend
to the other.
ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
____________________________________________________________
More Self Help from EVTV1.com:
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Dear Abby Forum:
Dear Abby Forum
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END OF ABBY
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