Publication: Dear Abby
Sister's Cruel Taunts Draw Tears From Adopted Daughter | |
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DEAR ABBY - April 25, 2008
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SISTER'S CRUEL TAUNTS DRAW TEARS FROM ADOPTED DAUGHTER
ABBY: I'm 12 and adopted. I have always known and have never
felt less loved because of it. My mom always said that when
you're adopted, you know that you are wanted and loved
because nobody gets adopted by accident.
My 14-year-old sister, "Melissa," is our parents' natural
child. We were always close, but lately she has decided to
be mean to me and tries to hurt me by telling me that I'm
not her "real" sister and our parents aren't my "real"
parents. This hurts very much. If I cry, she thinks it's
funny. She never says it in front of our parents -- she
wouldn't dare.
Melissa used to tease me when we were alone in our room,
but now she does it in front of her friends, who also laugh
at me when I get upset and cry. Melissa would be in big
trouble if I told Mom, but I'm afraid it will make her even
meaner. I don't want to get her in trouble because, in spite
of this, I still love her. I just want her to stop being
mean and start treating me like her real sister again. Abby,
what should I do?
-- REAL SISTER IN TACOMA
REAL SISTER: Clip this and show it to "Miss Melissa." I have
news for her. Parents who raise a child ARE "real" mothers
and fathers. And you are as "real" a sister as Melissa is
likely to get.
Her behavior is cruel, insensitive and immature. She's doing
it because you have allowed her to get away with it. Give
your sister one warning. Tell her that if she repeats that
nonsense again, you will tell your "real" mother, who also
happens to be HER mother. And if she's foolish enough to
try it -- follow through.
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ABBY: I'm in my 20s and work as a cashier in a convenience
store. One of my regulars recently won the lottery.
I am newly married and have a 7-month-old. We live with my
in-laws, and we're dying to get our own place.
The lottery winner is somewhat good-looking, but about 20
years older than I am. Abby, he propositioned me -- if you
know what I mean. He offered a large sum of money, which
would help my family get our own place.
I'm confused. What do I do?
-- DESPERATELY SEEKING MY OWN PLACE IN TEXAS
DESPERATELY SEEKING: You're not confused; your customer is.
He may have won the lottery, but he's a loser. You are a
cashier, not a prostitute. Tell him there are some things
money can't buy -- and one of them is YOU.
ABBY: I participate in a depression forum. One question
comes up repeatedly, and I have yet to find a decent answer.
What is the best way to answer someone who inquires about
a self-inflicted scar? And are there ways to hide scars
besides wearing long sleeves or pants all the time? Should
we even feel that we have to hide them?
-- GETTING BEYOND MY PAST IN HONOLULU
GETTING BEYOND: Because over the years I have heard from
(and about) young people who have tried to cope with
severe depression by cutting themselves instead of seeking
the counseling they need, I am sure that question comes up
with some frequency. The problem with "cover-ups" is sooner
or later -- like scars -- the truth is exposed.
The honest answer to someone you trust is simply to tell
the truth. For others, make light of the question ("Oh,
those darn rose bushes ...") and steer the conversation
to another subject.
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ABBY is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write ABBY at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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