Publication: Clean Laffs
I almost killed myself. | |
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CLEAN LAFFS - Wednesday, April 9, 2008
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Good morning crew,
I almost killed myself the other day. I was getting ready
to get dressed after a shower and on my bathroom counter
top I had a bottle of isopropyl rubbing alcohol which I had
pulled out to clean something and a bottle of mouth wash
which I had pulled out because I was about to floss and
brush.
Toothbrush in one hand and eyes on the mirror to see how
badly I had hacked up my face while shaving I reached for
the mouthwash but picked up the rubbing alcohol instead
and took a big swig.
Let me put it this way...I do not recommend it. Not only
is it poisonous to ingest and can make you blind, it also
has the worst flavor you can imagine. And no amount of
brushing your tongue can get rid of it.
Laugh it up,
Joe
P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Clean Laffs Forum
***
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***
"I read in the paper that by the year 2015, obesity will be
the leading cause of death. Especially for the person on the
bottom." -Jay Leno
***
"David Beckham and Posh Spice have got a new perfume coming
out. It's called 'Intimately Beckham.' Apparently, it's a
delicate combination of anorexic breath and athlete's foot."
-Craig Ferguson
***
"According to a new poll, 81 percent of Americans think the
country is on the wrong track. The other 19 percent own gas
stations." -Conan O'Brien
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The Best of The Best of The Electric Company...
On the heels of its fabulously successful Sesame Street, the
Children's Television Workshop (CTW) created The Electric
Company. With its roots in Motown Sound, Broadway and Rowan
& Martin's Laugh-In, The Electric Company drew attention for
six years as the most popular instructional television show.
It would win an Emmy for Outstanding Children's Series, and
its soundtrack album earned a Grammy.
The show launched Morgan Freeman's career who became popular
as the Easy Reader, the cool dude who loved reading anything
he could get his hands on. It also starred Rita Moreno, and
had guest appearances by many entertainers including Bill
Cosby and Gene Wilder. Check out this wonderful DVD at:
The Best of The Best of The Electric Company
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Signs warning of closed roadways are frequently ignored in
rural Minnesota, so highway workers barely took notice when
a woman drove past their sign and over the hill to the
trench they had dug in the middle of the road. The workers
explained the detour route to town, and she went on her way.
They were surprised, however, to see the same woman coming
toward them from town a couple of hours later. "Oh," she
said distractedly as she again pulled up next to the trench
crew. "Is it closed in this direction too?"
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office to get
our marriage license. After recording the vital information;
names, dates of birth, etc. the clerk handed me our license
and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."
____________________________________________________________
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