Publication: Clean Laffs
Everybody wiped out? Good. | |
Subscribe FREE to Clean Laffs by clicking here.
CLEAN LAFFS - Monday, April 14, 2008
-----------------------------------------------------------
Good morning crew,
Everybody enjoy their weekend? Good. Everybody wiped out
from eating too much, drinking too much and not getting
enough sleep? Good!
Then let's get straight to the jokes.
Laugh it up,
Joe
P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Clean Laffs Forum
***
ATOMIC BOND PUTTY (3 Tubes in a package)
Mixes Like Clay... Hardens Like Steel...
Normal Price: $19.99
DEAL PRICE: $9.99
Get 2 Packages for $15.98
No matter what the job, you can repair it fast, safe, easily
and PERMANENT with this amazing Atomic Bond Putty.
Bonds, seals leaks and repairs gouges in steel, aluminum, wood,
fiberglass, concrete and ceramics in only 20-30 minutes.
It's EASY! Simply cut, knead to activate and apply.
Mixes like clay, stays where you put it, then hardens like steel.
Bonds, fills, anchors, caulks and waterproofs just about anything.
Can even be molded into or around any shaped or material. Once
dried, it can be sanded, dried and painted. This special,
reader's only price, includes 3 tubes in a package for just
$9.99... Get two packages, 6 tubes total, for $15.98. VISIT:
ATOMIC BOND PUTTY (3 Tubes in a package)
***
"The Golf Masters is on CBS. If Fox had the Golf Masters,
they'd extreme it up. You'd have to play an actual Tiger
instead of Tiger Woods." -Craig Ferguson
***
"In England now, you can buy a $100 cup of coffee — or as
Starbucks calls it, half off." -Jimmy Kimmel
***
"During a speech President Bush urged Chinese leaders to
talk to the Dalai Lama and called him 'a really fine man.'
Bush said, 'I used to be reluctant to meet with him — then
I found out he's not a real llama.'" -Conan O'Brien
------------------------------------------------------------
----- JFK The Day The Nation Cried on DVD -----
Store Price: $19.99
OUR PRICE: $16.99
It has been more than 40 years since Kennedy was assassin-
ated. This program on DVD is a tribute to his legacy which
still casts a giant shadow over today’s political landscape.
This includes exclusive and previously unseen footage from
family archives and the local TV station near the infamous
"grassy knoll." Hosted by James Earl Jones, this compelling
video explores the dynamic President's triumphs, failures
and contribution to history. Reduced price; Now Only $16.99
Exclusive DVD - JFK The Day The Nation Cried
------------------------------------------------------------
*Things That Never Happened On Star Trek*..
1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a
type it has encountered several times before.
2. The Enterprise visits a remote outpost of scientists,
who are all perfectly all right.
3. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works
properly.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new life-
form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old
life form wearing a funny hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious
plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-
stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
6. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a
less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by
the Starfleet Prime Directive.
7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from
one place to another without serious incident.
8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to
interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out
that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly
diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and
competent engineering staff.
10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien
intelligence which does not put them on trial.
11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien
intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some
chocolate.
12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called
"Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. How-
ever, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it
seems.
13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the
Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area
are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp ex-
perience which is in some way unconnected with the Late
20th Century.
15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet
he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the
end of the episode.
16. Counselor Troi states something other than the
blindingly obvious.
17. The warp engines start going haywire, but seem to sort
themselves out after a while without any intervention from
boy genius Wesley Crusher.
18. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position
for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of
one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
A wholesale dealer who had a lot of trouble in getting a
certain retailer to pay his bills finally lost patience and
wrote the merchant a threatening letter.
He received the following reply: "Dear Sir: What do you mean
by writing me a letter like that? Every month I place all my
bills in a hat and then figure out how much money I have to
pay on my accounts. Then I have my bookkeeper draw as many
bills out of the hat as I have money to pay. If you don't
like my way of doing business, I won't even put your bills
in the hat."
____________________________________________________________
Visit the Clean Laffs Archives
Thousands of Great Free Videos
Visit the Clean Laffs Site
More FREE Fun & Entertainment
************************************************************
END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
 E-Mail this issue
Subscribe FREE to Clean Laffs by clicking here.
|