Publication: Clean Laffs
All I have to do is not dislocate a hip. | |
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CLEAN LAFFS - Wednesday, March 19, 2008
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Good morning crew,
There is a Taekwondo test tomorrow night. That means tonight
is my last night to cram nine weeks worth of training in.
Shouldn't be a problem.
All I have to do is not dislocate a hip.
Because our Taekwondo master has been practicing constantly
for the past 25 years he thinks everybody should be able to
kick over their heads just about as fast as you can blink
(he actually majored in Taekwondo in college, which is
something you can do in Korea, it's kind of like a physical
education degree).
Subsequently he is constantly exhorting his students to kick
higher and faster. I've pulled muscles and tendons before
while trying to get one foot to go more than 180 degrees
in the opposite direction from the other one under his ear-
splitting screaming.
But as long as I can avoid that I should be ready for tomorrow.
Laugh it up,
Joe
P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Clean Laffs Forum
***
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"They were celebrating St. Patrick's Day in Washington.
President Bush was a little confused. He came out onto
the White House lawn and pardoned the corn beef."
-Dave Letterman
***
"I read in the paper that by the year 2015, obesity will
be the leading cause of death. Especially for the person
on the bottom." -Jay Leno
***
"Disney announced that they're banning smoking from all their
movies. Which means they won't be buying the scripts I wrote.
I wrote a script for Disney called 'Smoke-ahontas'. And
another one, the follow-up, 'Cigarella.'" -Craig Ferguson
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A guy walks into a bookstore. Not looking for anything in
particular. On his way to the back of the store, he spots
something of interest. A book with a very interesting
title, "Dating for the New Millennium. What Women Want."
So he picks it up and opens it to a random page.
"Chapter 1 The First Date."
He glances the chapter over for a few minutes, and rushes
out of the bookstore to call a girl he's wanted to ask out
for quite a while.
When he gets home, picks up the phone and calls her. She
answers, "Hello?"
He says, "Hi, Jessica? Listen, I was wondering if you would
want to go see a movie with me tonight?"
She says, "Sure, I don't see anything wrong with that." He
gets excited. He thought she'd say, "No Way!" but she
didn't. So, he decided to take it one step further.
He asks, "Great, well how about dinner before the movie?"
She replies, "Sure, that would be great too!"
"Fine, I'll pick you up about 9:00, do you think you'll be
finished eating by then?"
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
The big San Francisco earthquake occurred on April 18, 1906.
The accompanying fire caused more than 500 deaths. It was
the worst earthquake disaster in U. S. history as well as
the deadliest urban fire. A few years ago, when the big quake
hit the Los Angeles area, part of the damage included the
totaling of a car belonging to a tourist who had driven in
from out of state.
When he put in the claim to his insurance company, they re-
jected it. When asked why the claim was not covered, the
Insurance company said it was because the tourist had a no-
fault policy. Angry about the insurance company's decision,
the policyholder tried to start a citizen's organization to
fight this kind of rip-off from happening again. He called
it the San Andreas Fund.
However nothing came of it. Hardly anyone would contribute
to aid the fund in its efforts. The general feeling was that
charity is one thing, but this was being generous to a fault.
____________________________________________________________
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END OF CLEAN LAFFS
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