Publication: Clean Laffs
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CLEAN LAFFS - Friday, May 2, 2008
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Good morning crew,
Okay, here is all I have left to do on the boat...
* Have a crack in the mast welded.
* Have the bottom cleaned.
* Have the bottom painted.
* Have the motor tuned up.
* Charge the battery.
* Stain and waterproof the taffrail seats.
* Strip and wash all of the cushion covers.
* bleach all of the lines and sheets.
* Flush the bilge.
* Scrub the deck and cockpit.
* Renew the trailer plates.
Then she'll be all ready to go back in the water. That
should be around August.
Laugh it up,
Joe
P.S. If you're interested we now have a Forum. You can post
comments on this and recent issues at... Clean Laffs Forum
***
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***
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress
are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.
Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.
***
"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's
ability to use language that makes him the dominant species
on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other
thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of
vacuum cleaners." —-Jeff Stilson
***
"What really concerns me about these new "smart" appliances
is that even if we like the features, we won't be able to
use them. I don't know how to operate my TV, which requires
THREE remote controls. One control (44 buttons) came with
the TV; a second (39 buttons) came with the VCR; the third
(37 buttons) was brought here by the cable-TV man, who ap-
parently felt that I did not have enough buttons. So when
I want to watch TV, I'm confronted with a total of 120
buttons, identified by such helpful labels as PIP, MTS,
DBS, F2, JUMP and BLANK." -Dave Barry
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Everybody's a comedian. I called my local home improvement
store for a simple piece of advice. "I know the Sheetrock
is nailed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the
phone, "but how do I find the studs?"
"Put an ad in the personals column." he suggested.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
A blonde is on board a small two- seater plane when suddenly
the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the
radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams.
Ground control receives her call for help and answers back:
"Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say.
First, I need you to give me your height and position."
"I'm 5 foot 2 and sitting in the front seat!"
____________________________________________________________
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END OF CLEAN LAFFS
Copyright 2008 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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