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CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, January 5, 2007 "A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER." ------------------------------------------------------------ GopherCentral's Question of the Week Do you agree with Saddam's hanging?
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Greetings Fellow Bizarros:
Last week I ran a story about a wheel-chair-bound man who is in the process of suing a strip club because there is no wheel chair access to the room where the girls perform lap dances. I thought this was pretty far out on the edge of believeability as far as law suits were concerned until I read a story that several subscribers sent to me this week.
It seems an obese man in New York is attempting to sue four fast food restaurants because eating their foor made him fat. I have no idea where the logic in this story even starts, so I will just give you some of the facts to see if you can figure something out.
5-foot-10 and 272 pound Caesar Barber filed suit against McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King and Kentucky Fried Chicken. He claims he thought the advertisement of these companies that their products are '100 percent beef' meant that they are good for you (no explanation of where KFC fits into that). He further explained that the restaurants do not tell their patrons exactly what's in the food, saying, "It's all fat, fat and more fat. Now I'm obese."
His lawyer, Samuel Hirsch, said the restaurants should list ingredients on their menus, despite the fact that the four chains have been providing nutritional information, including carlorie and fat content, of their meals for years.
Now, the real question is whether this law suit will ever make it out of the clerk's office. If this actually goes to trial it will open up an avenue for law suits like we can't even imagine. One thing is for certain, though, if, by some bizarre circumstance Mr. Barber wins his case, you will pay for his settlement every time you buy a cheeseburger.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here... Classic Bizarre Forum -----------------------------------------------------------
+------------------ Bizarre Con-Artists ------------------+
In 1872, veteran prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slack bought $35,000 worth of diamonds in Europe and scattered them on land in Wyoming. They managed to convince the Bank of San Francisco they had discovered a diamond field and made $700,000.
Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam selling fake shares in the estate of Sir Francis Drake. He contacted as many families as he could find with the surname Drake and was eventually accused of defrauding 270,000 people. The hoax netted him over $2,000,000.
When J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950, he claimed to be the advance publicity man for Bohn's United Circus, which, he maintained, was due to hit town in three weeks. He allegedly sold advertising space to local traders... for a circus that didn't exist.
By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis was able to claim he was the legal owner of 17,000 square miles of Arizona. The enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until he was arrested in 1895 and he was sentenced to six years in prison.
Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting," rented aban- doned banks and convinced businessmen that he had set up a genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large sums of mon- ey before shutting down and moving on to the next town. This, plus some of his other scams, earned him over $6,000,000. -------------------------------------------------------------
-- Virginia Woman Wages Private War on Parking Violaters ---
She's called "The Boot Lady." Drivers unfortunate enough to park in Cat Crosby's assigned parking spaces in Alexandria, Va., likely will meet her because she watches for violations from her monitor camera in her office and when she spies one, she attaches one of those parking boots on the car -- so it cannot be moved. The Washington Post reports several times a week there is a confrontation -- drivers who don't believe a private citizen can boot a vehicle and Crosby, who won't remove the boot until the offender pays her a $25 fine. Police are called, the paper says, to smooth things over and to tell angry drivers it actually is legal for Crosby to boot their vehicle. Crosby, who runs Kiniko Industrial Corp., works at an office complex where parking is scarce. Businesses are assigned a specific number of spaces. Police say her efforts are turning into a regular pain.
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----- Australia's Newest Guard Animal - the Mini Camel -----
SYDNEY, Australia - Australian farmers have found the ultimate guard animal - the alpaca, a miniature camel from the high Andes. Alpacas are known for being extremely protective and like a good guard animal, they often sacrifice themselves to save their charges. When they see an enemy approach, for instance a fox, they emit an ear-piercing shriek that alerts the sheep and farmer. Generally the fox become intimidated by the noise and simply leave. But alpaca breeder Geoff Fysh said, "Usually a fox is too quick and will get over a fence... but there are a handful of anecdotes of alpacas actually catching up with a fox and they will kill them if they get a chance. That's usually by trampling on them with their front feet which would be a pretty slow death...they don't have a hoof or anything."
-- Cab Driver Gives Thieves a Ride to the Police Station ---
MONTVILLE, Connecticut - Cab drivers often meet...colorful characters, and Wednesday night was no different for Yellow Cab driver Dan Ricketts. He picked up two people, Gloria Smith, 49, and Reginald Corey, 44, from Dunkin' Donuts, and the patrons asked him to pick up their friend from a nearby gas station. Ricketts became alarmed when their "friend", Calvin Branham, 33, jumped in the cab and yelled "Go, go go!" instead of giving a new destination. "I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach," said the driver. Fortu- nately, Ricketts heard a startling announcement on his police scanner. Police indicated there had just been a robbery at a gas station and that a cab had been seen in the area, but the three customers didn't hear it. Ricketts cleverly drove the three stooges to the police station, where Smith and Corey were easily arrested. Branham managed to escape but was arrested after a half-hour chase through the woods. They are now being held on several charges.
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-------- Owner Discouraged By Dog's Cigarette Habit --------
MIDDLESBROUGH, England - Yvonne Stubbs has decided to give up smoking not for health reasons, but to help cure her pet dog's 20-a-day addiction to cigarettes. Her dog Patch, a Jack Russell, immediately attacks the ash tray when she puts out a cigarette. He is addicted to chewing the tobacco and likes to spit out the filters. If Patch goes for too long without a cigarette, he whines and makes begging noises until he gets what he wants. His owner has even considered getting him a nicotine patch. "I don't begrudge anybody a fag, but this is ridiculous. He doesn't like whole cigarettes, just the ends. I would try nicotine patches on him, but I don't know where I'd put them and he'd just scratch them off," said Stuffs. In the meantime, she and her daughter are trying to stop smoking to encourage Patch to give up the habit as well.
--- Toddler Hits the Road at 4 AM to Search for Parents ---
SAN JOSE, California - Little three-year-old Lupita woke up in the middle of the night to a dark, quiet house. Instead of panicking when she couldn't locate her parents, she put on her backpack, and wearing only pajamas, hit the road in search of her loved ones. Tow-truck driver Ken Pinkham was returning home at 4:00 am when he saw the toddler walking on the side of the road all by herself. As he passed her, Pinkham says Lupita shot him dirty looks. Trying not to frighten her, he quietly went back to his truck and called the police, keeping an eye on her all the while. When officers arrived at the scene, Lupita kicked one of them in the genitals, yelling in Spanish. They found her address in the girl's backpack and took her home. That's when the real story unfolded - Lupita's mother was pregnant, and her parents had to suddenly leave for the hospital. But they didn't leave the girl unsupervised. They told a roommate that they were leaving, but the roommate promptly went back to bed.
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
What is the criminal world thinking? Tell me if you think this is a fair price for a toothbrush. Joseph Blair, 18, of Conway was arrested at the Kroger store on Oak Street after he was caught allegedly trying to steal a toothbrush. The man allegedly shocked on officer with a stun gun during the arrest. He was arrested on suspicion of felony aggravated robbery, criminal use of a prohibited weapon, battery and misdemeanor offenses. [That's what I call a fanatic about dental hygene.]
I like your Monty Python references with the Moose. I just don't think people are getting it. Thanks for the Bizarre! --CT [Peoples' lack of success in their love lives is none of my business.]
please! this guy should get out more. cajun women have so much fire and passion that sheep are entirely unsuitable as replacements.....why else do you think grown men would wrestle live alligators? Personally though I prefer the women here....they smell nicer though the claws marks are nearly as bad. [Now that's funny...and probably true.]
Hey Lewis, do you know how to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana? --Cindi [Does it involve two scoops of ice cream and hot fudge?]
Hey Lewis, Are you my Daddy? [I don't know. Do you have six toes on your left foot?]
Lewis you are a sick monkey [Probably closer to a sea monkey.]
LEWIS, I have a great story for you. I used to be infatuated with dolphins. I always wanted to [CENSORED] in the blow- hole. My ex-wife would get so pissed when I told her about this. -EDDIE [There are drugs now which can help you with this kind of thing, Eddie.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do? Send comments and questions to: mailto: Email Lewis ------------------------------------------------------------ **--- BIZARRE PHOTO ---** Looking for an image that will burn into your psyche forever? Find the Bizarre photo of the week at: http://www.bizarrenews.com ************************************************************ Not Enough Bizarre In This Issue? Then Visit EVTV1.com: Bizarre Videos
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