Publication: Classic Bizarre
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CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, October 24, 2006
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
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GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Does the US have the right to bar Space projects by foreign
countries?
Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
With all of the unrest and violence in the middle-east, it
is reassuring to see some signs of peace and progress else-
where in the world. I was just reading about former President
Jimmy Carter's historic visit to Cuba to pow-wow with Cuban
president-for-life Fidel Castro about human rights, bio-
logical weapons production and the price of cigars. Castro
set a positive tone for the visit by welcoming Jimmy with
open arms and promising him unrestricted access to anything
and anyone in the country.
Carter's five-day visit marks the first time an American
president -- sitting or former -- has come to the Caribbean
island since Calvin Coolidge in 1928. This comes at a very
strategic time when Prez. Bush is getting ready to tighten
the noose on the 41-year-old U.S. embargo against Cuba which
has been loosened somewhat in recent years.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the globe, the North Atlantic
Treaty Organization approved a landmark partnership with
Russia to boost cooperation on terrorism, arms control and
crisis management. Which is kind of ironic, since NATO was
created by the United States and 15 other countries (now 18
other countries) to discourage an attack by the Soviet Union.
All of this events are indicators that a new global awareness
is coming about, slowly, painfully, but surely. And we can
only sit and wonder...when the hell is China going to get on
board?
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum
+---------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------+
OREGON
Dishes must drip dry.
The "Peer Review Statute" prohibits you from finding out
details of any written or oral discussion about your medical
treatment. Not even a court of law can. All you can see is
what the doctor or nurse voluntarily records in your chart.
It is illegal to whisper "dirty" things in your lover's ear
during sex.
Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.
It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to
smoke it on your own property.
You may not pump your own gas in service stations.
One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e.,
that which covers one's body from neck to knee.
Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
Specifically EUGENE, Oregon, where the story took place:
It is illegal to show movies or attend a car race on Sundays.
It is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert.
***
---------- Nude Burglar Leaves ID at Crime Scene -----------
EUGENE, Oregon - It wouldn't be a complete issue of Bizarre
News without a stupid criminal story. A 20-year-old man in
Oregon broke into a flat and immediately stripped off his
clothes. Before stealing anything, he allegedly went into a
bedroom where a woman and her boyfriend were sleeping. The
burglar's nude body scared the woman, and she screamed. The
boyfriend then chased the naked prankster out of the house.
All the while, the burglar's pants were left on the floor.
With his wallet inside. Police used the ID info to locate
the man and charged him with burglary.
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*** We Just Came Here To Do The Super Bowl Shuffle ***
Here it is...the 20th Anniversary edition of the Chicago
Bears Super Bowl Shuffle. This is a must have for any
sports fan, whether you're a Bears fan or not. This DVD
will remind you of one of the best defenses in football
history. And still to this day we haven't seen a defense
as strong since the 1985 Chicago Bears. For a limited time
this DVD is available for just $9.99. Order by visiting:
Chicago Bears Super Bowl Shuffle DVD
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----------- Healing Hands Turn to Fists of Steal -----------
TOKYO - Let's see the power of prayer get him out of this
one. A Japanese faith healer was reportedly sentenced to
death for beating six people to death with a drumstick dur-
ing a 1995 exorcism ritual. Sachiko Eto, and three of his
followers allegedly killed six people and injured one while
performing the rites at Sachiko's home in Sukagawa, 100
miles north of Tokyo. The group dealt out drumstick beatings
from late December 1994 to June 1995, supposedly to exorcise
evil spirits. Eto's 30-year-old daughter, Hiroko Eto, and
Yutaka Nemoto, 27, were given life behind bars while Mitsuo
Sekine, 52, was sentenced to 18 years.
------ Severed Finger Found in Pregnant Woman's Food -------
SWEDEN - We all know pregnant women crave some odd food
combinations, but as 19-year-old mom-to-be Caroline Bengtsson
protests, fingers and crustaceans aren't one of them. As the
hungry woman scooped up a handful of prawns, she noticed
a severed finger among the food. The finger had been among a
kilo of frozen prawns bought at a supermarket, and food
producer Royal Greenland has agreed to investigate the
situation. In the meantime, Bengtsson became increasingly
alarmed and said, "I thought I was going to die of sickness.
It was disgusting to hold it in my hand. I felt sick and
thought of a dead corpse and of other things I might have
already eaten." Additionally, she was concerned the severed
digit might have been infected.
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------------------------------------------------------------
-- Boy Learns the Hard Way To Keep Quiet about Erections ---
NEW ZEALAND - When he was assigned to write a story called
"How does your body betray you," teenager Mike Scherger
wrote about embarrassing erections in public. Only he was
a bit too realistic for Cambridge High School and has since
been suspended. Scherger's story was about a boy "getting
a boner" and then being called to the front of the class.
Teachers insist the boy seek counseling, and principal
Alison Annan called the essay "sexually offensive." The
boy's mother, a nurse, begs to differ. She said that what
her son wrote about was simply "real life, it happens."
The school vehemently disagrees, and the student has been
suspended for three weeks. They say he can return to school
if the last two weeks of the suspension are spent in
counseling. Annan explained the school's position: "There
are some things you learn at a very young age you just
don't write about."
--------- Hooters Waitress Finally Gets Her Toyota ---------
PANAMA CITY, Fla. - You may remember this story from last
year. A Hooters waitress took part in a beer sales contest.
The person who sold the most beer was promised a brand new
Toyota. Well, Jodee Berry, 27, won the contest, and was led
out to the parking lot where she expected to collect her
new car, only to be presented with a toy "Yoda" doll from
the popular Star Wars movie franchise. Naturally, she quit
and took her case to court. The system finally worked for
Berry, and while her attorney said he could not disclose
the details of the settlement, he did say that Berry can
now go to a local car dealership and "pick out whatever
type of Toyota she wants."
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Lewis...Has anyone told you about protecting your "vacant"
body while you're projecting? I've heard that you should be
careful where you leave your body. There's the possibility
that other spirits could take over your physical body while
you're away. You wouldn't want to come home... with no home
to come home to.
[Plus, how would I collect the security deposit if anything
had been damaged?]
Astral projection is not a lucid dream as there have been
blind people who have been taught to project and were able
to drive cars this way. --Dana
[Hmmm...well, THIS makes me believe in it.]
Lewis, You do know that by participating in astral projection
that you were practicing witchcraft, don't you? Just thought
you ought to know what you're getting yourself into. --Jaime
[Really? I thought I was practicing napping.]
Hi Lewis! I'm a nurse (and I have all the appropriate uni-
form items in white, even my cap from nursing school. Now
bend over and say, "Ahhhhh." --Deb
Never ever let your Bizarre newsletters build up until you
have eight to read at once. Stop the world, I wanna get off!
[I'm sorry, I can't do that, but please try and hang your
head over the side when you throw up.]
I think you should kill Chadwick and take over his newsletter.
[What do you think this is, a Klingon battleship?]
Can I purchase you? If so how much?
[It depends on the options you get, but the stick shift is
a standard feature.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@bizarrenews.com
Email Lewis
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END OF CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS
Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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