Publication: Classic Bizarre
The LASIK Procedure | |
Subscribe FREE to Classic Bizarre by clicking here.
<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>
CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, February 27, 2007
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
------------------------------------------------------------
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Welcome to Thursday. Surprised to see me? If you are, you
didn't read yesterday's issue of Bizarre News. Due to
popular demand we are going to a five-day-a-week mailing
schedule. And that means more Bizarre News for you.
In unrelated news Anisa, the Shagmail purchasing manager
and also the editor of our PulseTV publication, announced
today that she is having the LASIK procedure done.
For those of you who don't know what this is, it is a pro-
cedure designed to reduce your dependency on glasses or
contact lenses. How is this miracle accomplished, you ask?
Here's the part that makes me shiver.
LASIK stands for Laser-Assisted In Situ Keratomileusis and
is a procedure that actually changes the shape of the cornea.
A knife, called a microkeratome, is used to cut a flap in
the cornea. A hinge is left at one end of this flap. The
flap is folded back revealing the stroma, the middlesection
of the cornea. Pulses from a computer-controlled laser
vaporize a portion of the stroma and the flap is replaced.
So far tens of thousands of people have had this procedure
done and the success rate is huge. However, poor Anisa
is still petrified. I can hardly blame her. If anyone has
had this done please write in and let us know!
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum
------------------------------------------------------------
+------------------- Bizarre Deaths Of --------------------+
The Famous
Attila the Hun
453 AD --- bled to death from a nosebleed on his wedding
night.
Catherine the Great - Empress of Russia
1796 --- a stroke, while going to the bathroom.
Isadora Duncan - actress
1927 --- accidental strangulation when her scarf caught in
a car wheel.
John Glasscock - musician (Jethro Tull)
1979 --- heart infection caused by an abscessed tooth.
Frank Hayes - jockey
1923 --- heart attack during a race. His horse, Sweet Kiss,
won the race, making Hayes the only deceased jockey to win
a race.
Tommy Tucker - musician
1982 --- carbon tetrachloride poisoning sustained while he
was finishing floors in his home.
Tennessee Williams - writer
1983 --- choked to death on a nose spray bottle cap
that accidentally dropped into his mouth while he was using
the spray. He was 71.
------------------------------------------------------------
MOVE OVER TUPPERWARE, THERE'S NOW SOMETHING BETTER...
Introducing Anti-Bacterial Food Storage Containers
Sharper Image Price: $69.95
Store Price: $29.99
OUR PRICE: $12.99
This 20-piece Food Storage Container Set promises to keep
foods Fresh... Longer than ever. Using revolutionary Nano
Particle Plastic, it prevents mold & germ growth. Your
fruits and vegetables will last up to three or four times
longer!
We've made this 20-Piece set available at a staggering low
price. We know once you try it you'll love it and order more!
Don't spend $30 or even $70 on a set... Get it from us and
in no time it will have paid for itself. Makes A Great Gift.
20-PC Anti-Bacterial Food Storage Containers
------------------------------------------------------------
------------- Employee Put Out For Not Smoking -------------
A Dutchman lost his job because he broke the company's smoking
rules. The strange part? The man was dismissed for NOT smoking.
Jan Elzenga stepped outside for a breath of fresh air with his
colleagues who were enjoying a smoke break. Unfortunately, the
Steeg Packaging company has a policy that only allows smokers
to leave the building. Having been previously warned, Elzenga
was let go. When asked to comment, Elzenga said, "I was sacked
for not wanting to smoke. Could you believe this?" Elzenga
thought about taking action against the company, but decided
not to waste his breath.
------------------------------------------------------------
APPLE CIDER VINEGAR PILLS
Normal Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $2.99 per bottle
The #1 ALL NATURAL Diet Product For The Last 50 Years
WILL Help YOU Lose Weight....
The best-selling and most proven All Natural diet aid
available. For the last 50 years hundreds of thousands
of people have successfully lost weight with Apple Cider
Vinegar....
Now you can get this Amazing supplement in an easy and
convenient tablet form. No more bad tasting liquids. And
its even more concentrated in the tablet form. Plus, it
is guaranteed to work for you. If you don't lose the weight
you want with Amazing Apple Cider Vinegar just return it
for a refund. It's JUST $2.99 for 60 Tablets. Visit:
Today's Deal
------------------------------------------------------------
--------------- The Horniest Place On Earth ----------------
HOREA, Romania - Corneliu Olar, mayor of Horea, Romania, has
managed to successfully double the birth rate in his village.
During his six-year tenure, Olar has been efficacious in the
instatement of his sex theme park. The park is intended to
be an attraction for couples who wish to make love in a special
environment. The site for Olar's Valley of Happiness was chosen
for its reputation as a location where lovers frequented. With
facilities suited for romantic dinners, soothing music and
phones for erotic calls, the park offers a variety of methods
to get couples in the mood. Hopefully, frequent tourists won't
confuse the erotic playground with Disney World.
------------------------------------------------------------
GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Is the recent non-binding resolution on Iraq that was passed
by the House meaningful?
Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
------------------------------------------------------------
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Lewis, You're a freak! Keep up the good work! --Cindi
[Who told you?]
Wow! 5 days a week. I don't know if I'm going to be able
to handle all that bizarre news. But rest assured, unlike
the man who wakes up and [censored] before he reads the
bizarre news, I read mine here at work and even use your
material on my radio show in the afternoons. Keep up the
good work! --Nick
[Well, I've known a few guys who have admitted to [CENSORED]
while at work.]
Whatever happened to the enjoyable, requiring-no-thought,
nonsensical, no more than one sentence reader's comments
that i was raised on? I mean, I love you opinions but you
know the attention span of a goldfish. --lauren
[What...you mean like this one?]
Bizarre news 5 times a week! Oh boy! Jumping for joy (My
perky firm breasts are bouncing up and down with delight).
--Mikki
P.S. I can send a pic of me jumping up and down if u like.
[ mailto:lewis@bizarrenews.com ]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to:
Email Lewis
------------------------------------------------------------
Not Enough Bizarre In This Issue? Then Visit EVTV1.com:
Bizarre Videos
Archive link:
Classic Bizarre Archives
------------------------------------------------------------
MORE FUN, AMUSEMENT AND PUBS:
More F-R-E-E Newsletters Here
------------------------------------------------------------
END OF CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS
Copyright 2007 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
 E-Mail this issue
Subscribe FREE to Classic Bizarre by clicking here.
|