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Lawsuit Over Vibrating Dildo | |
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CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, January 5, 2007
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
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GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Do you agree with Saddam's hanging?
Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
We've all had our little moments of embarrassment. I remember
one incident, during my youthful and impetuous years, when my
roommate brought a date home to our apartment. For some reason
he brought her into my bedroom where I was already engaged
with another young lady. With my bare ass in the air I noticed
the overhead light switch on, and before I could turn around
I heard a female voice gasp, "Oh my God! I know you!"
He had, by bizarre coincidence, brought home one of my co-
workers. How she recognized me from the viewpoint she had is
still to this day a mystery.
But this kind of thing happens, as it did to a woman who was
recently pulled off a Delta Air Lines flight in Dallas.
It seems that while the plane was waiting for luggage to be
loaded security noticed a buzzing sound coming from one of
the bags belonging to 36-year-old Renee Koutsouradis. The
flight attendant paged her over the plane's loudspeaker
and asked her to meet security on the tarmac outside of the
plane. There, in full view of the passengers onboard, they
made her open her bag to display the vibrating dildo she
and her husband had just purchased in Las Vegas.
She said the agent took her to the bag on the tarmac and
made her remove the toy and hold it up. Some passengers on
the plane saw everything, and three male Delta employees
"began laughing hysterically" and made "obnoxious and sex-
ually harassing comments."
Guess what? She's going to sue.
The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages, accusing Delta of
negligence, intentional infliction of distress and gender
discrimination.
Infliction of distress, perhaps. Negligence, probably not.
But gender discrimination? Who would honestly believe that
security would not have done it if the passenger's name
were male? Of course, it's so much funnier since it's a
woman.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
http://archives.gophercentral.com/Forum.aspx?fid=37
Classic Bizarre Forum
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+--------------- Bizarre January Hoidays -----------------+
Check it out at:
Visit Bizarre News
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---------- Cloning Machine Finally on the Market -----------
To hear a group of South Korean scientists talk, they have
developed the break-through invention of the age...a cloning
machine. The Discovery cable channel reports a group called
the Clonaid Society says it is able to clone humans using
its new RMX2010 machine. Not only does the group says the
machine works, it's making it available on the Internet for
$9,000. The Clonaid Society is an offshoot of a cult called
the Raelian sect. Leaders say they are thrilled the United
States does not yet have laws against human cloning and
feel this country will be a great market for the invention.
By the way, the Raelian sect was founded in the early '70s by
a former Canadian journalist, Claude Vorihon. He considers
himself a prophet and claims to have about 55,000 followers.
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----- Horses Fail Drug Tests, Must Be the Poppy Fields -----
TASMANIA - Zero-tolerance policies are constantly in the
news, as Tasmania recently discovered. Six racehorses have
been disqualified in the past year after traces of opium
were found in their system. Even though their trainers sus-
pect poppies have been blown or deposited into the horses'
feed, the zero-tolerance policy of Racing calls for immediate
disqualification. A horse trainers' rep, Chris Crook, said
the opium deposits are so rampant that "it's a problem and
no Tasmanian feed supplier can guarantee their feed is
clean." Additionally, he claims the amounts of opium in the
horses' systems are so minute, that it couldn't possibly
affect their performance. In the meantime, the suspected
doping horses have to sit out of the races.
---- Coming Soon to a Store Near You: Instant Cow Dung -----
INDIA - Hindus purify places of worship by sprinkling them
with cow dung and water. What if you live in an urban area
and cows are scare? How is one to sanctify an area then?
Enter an Indian dairy firm. An Indian company recently
created the product "instant cow dung" to help these very
people. The new instant product requires the dung to be
mixed with camphor, turmeric, and sandalwood paste. Thrilled
with the improved smell, one housewife said, "I used to
avoid cow dung because of its bad odor. But this Holy Cow
Dung does not smell that bad, and I am going to apply it at
home." Many urban spiritualists claimed their holy rituals
were incomplete without cow dung, so the Agri Gold Company
quickly marketed the mixed version.
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---------------- Dealers Trade Art for Blow ----------------
The scheme was doomed from the beginning but really fell
apart when the suspects didn't have enough cash for the
drugs. So they tried to swap two famous, highly identifiable
paintings by Spanish Master Francisco de Goya and im-
pressionist Tsuguhanu Foujita for 4,400 pounds of cocaine.
The paintings were believed to be worth $1 million each. DEA
agent Anthony Angell says one suspect offered to transport
drugs for Colombian drug traffickers -- who actually were DEA
informants. The cocaine was shipped to Paris where police
seized 1,768 pounds in a Paris suburb. The cocaine lost in
the seizures meant there wasn't enough money left to pay the
believed-to-be Colombian traffickers for the drugs so the
suspects tried to use the paintings as payment.
------------ Shanghai Bears Diss Water for Coke ------------
SHANGHAI, China - Despite rising temperatures, thirsty bears
at the Shanghai Wildlife Park are refusing water. Their drink
of choice? Coca Cola. Keepers at the zoo make sure to feed
the bears chilled watermelon and apples, but with temperatures
practically unbearable, the animals have resorted to begging
for drinks. They stand on their hind legs and fold their
arms to beg tourists. The onlookers have been giving them
bottles of water and Coke, but the bears want nothing to do
with the water. A news agency said, "The bears drink up every
drop of Coca Cola they get, but kick away a bottle of taste-
less mineral water after a few mouthfuls." I sense a new
marketing campaign on the horizon...
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Hi Lewis! They've got a hum-dinger of a problem in Kokomo,
Indiana. People in this otherwise quiet city of 47,000 have
been hearing a strange, unidentified hum. It's been making
some of them sick and the city has appropriated $100,000 to
get to the bottom of it. -Rebecca
[If it's coming from under your covers at night (or from
your luggage) I have a good idea what it might be...]
An obese man suing fast food places because he became fat?
What's next, smokers suing tobacco companies because they
got cancer? -Steve
[Of course not. That would just be stupid.]
Hey Lewis, this suing crap is getting rediculous. Next thing
you know, men will be suing their parents for little penises
and women for lack of boobs.
[My parents won't be seeing the inside of a court room any
time soon.]
Lewis, If I fantasize about you wearing my bra and panties,
does that make me a lesbian? --Paula
[Blind, perhaps, but not necessarily a lesbian.]
You know, I have withdrawals as soon as I finish reading your
column...do you think I need to seek treatment? -Shannan
[Not unless you start developing hives.]
Lewis, Here is a tip for your readers. Never have sex in a
tub of green jello it stains the skin.
[Thanks for the tip. Note to self: Return two cases of Jello
and inquire about volume pudding prices.]
I asked my doctor if my colonoscopy would hurt...he said
"I promise you, I won't feel a thing."
[If he's anything like my doctor, just make sure he doesn't
have both hands on your hips while he's administering the
test.]
I am constanly telling my friends and coworkers about the
stories I read in Bizarre News, but there are too many
good ones to remember and I'm too lazy to manually transfer
to my Palm device. Any way you could add an attachment
that would be in a compatibale format for my Palm? -Garry
[Sure. It's the BEST OF BIZARRE NEWS book. It will fit
right in your palm. Check out the link at the bottom of
this page.]
Lewis, what do you think of this...? Planet X is the planet
which is supposedly going to pass by earth, 14 million miles
away at it's closest, in May to June of 2003 on it's journey
around the sun every 3600 years. Planet X's passage next
year could be the greatest catastrophic infliction of loss
of life upon mankind. Volcanoes all over the Earth will erupt
along with multiple high magnitude earthquakes, whereby two
thirds of the Earth's population will be annihilated.
[This sounds very familiar. In fact, it sounds exactly like
the 1951 sci-fi classic "When Worlds Collide." Great movie.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to:
Email Lewis
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