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Case of Frozen Dog Semen Goes Before a Judge | |
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CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, January 2, 2006
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
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GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Should we end our embargo of Cuba?
Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Now here's a story of heroism, sacrifice and plenty of plain
and simple stupidity. Plus, it happened right here in my
home town, which is why it caught my eye.
It was hot here in the midwest over the weekend. VERY hot. It
seems a Chicago-area couple hoped to beat the heat by re-
treating to Lake Michigan for a day of sailing. Todd Ver
Halen and Nancy Mariani were cruising the waves near Wilmette
in the 90-plus-degree weather when they decided a dip in the
water would be just the thing to cool them down. Unfortunately,
they forgot to drop anchor before leaping over-board, and while
they swam around their boat simply sailed away without them.
I'm no sailor, but it would occur to me that even without sails,
the wind will push around an unsecured boat pretty well. Even
Tom Hanks didn't swim away from his raft without a line in the
movie CAST AWAY.
Anyway, the Coast Guard got a call about 4 a.m. from a marina
near Calumet Harbor about a truck still in the parking lot.
About the same time, another caller reported Ver Halen and
Mariani missing. A Coast Guard crew went out onto the lake
and pulled in the pair about 6:30 a.m. By that time they had
been treading water for about 14 and a half hours. The Coast
Guard still was looking for the boat at the end of the day.
There's a lesson to be learned here. And that is...if you're
not smart, at least be a good swimmer.
And thanks to chicagotribune.com for all the details.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum
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---- Meal-ticket Ends for Wildlife Around Disney World -----
Walt Disney World has stopped releasing flights of pigeons
at shows because local hawks have been feasting on them.
The pigeon releases began 30 years ago and have been a
regular part of Cinderella's Surprise Wedding Show which
occurs every day. But the regularity became the problem
and the hawks living in the area figured out when it was
mealtime. "When you release a group of birds like that,
it's an invitation to a meal," said Geri Hylander of the
Audubon Center for Birds of Prey in nearby Maitland, Fla.
Hylander said the hawks, a protected species with more
than a 4-foot wing span, thrive in an unspoiled wilderness
area around the park. She said they are not particularly
aggressive, but "they're opportunistic."
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-- Man Profits from Blackmailing over Adultery, Arrested ---
SEOUL, Korea - A man identified as Cho as been arrested on
blackmailing charges in Korea recently. The 35-year-old
extortionist sent letters to hundreds of random corporate
executives threatening them that if they didn't pay up, he
would expose their supposed acts of adultery. Though Cho
didn't know any of these people or have any proof of such
acts, a surprising number mailed the required hush fee. The
letter stated, "I am working with a pornography business,
and I have secured evidence that you committed adultery.
Unless you send 1 million won to me, I will publicize it."
The suspect received over $7,500 from nine executives and
promptly spent the sum on entertainment and drinking. Cho
got the bright idea after reading a similar con in Japan.
----- Case of the Frozen Dog Semen Goes Before a Judge -----
WEST CHESTER, Pennsylvania - Patricia Lee Santi, a kennel
operator, has worked hard to build a reputation for breeding
championship dogs. So when she recently had a falling out
with her semen storage company, Clone Inc., she filed a
property dispute over the frozen assets. For over 15 years,
Santi had a positive relationship with Clone Inc. While
Clone insists the breeder owes them money, Santi argued
that they had an agreement whereby if she brought them
clients, they allowed her to store dog semen there. Santi
has bred at least 300 championship dogs and says her semen
storage is critical to a top dog's legacy, but Clone refused
to release her property. Tempers flared over talk of embryos,
ovulation tests, and canine progesterone, until the judge
helped them reach a settlement. Santi gets her specimens
back and will pay Clone $2,800 for transferring the goods
to another facility.
--- Would-Be Thief Arrested After Locking Himself in Car ---
GAINESVILLE, Florida - A 51-year-old man has been charged
with burglary and theft after locking himself in the car he
was attempting to steal. After the would-be thief managed
his way into the 1994 Infiniti, an alarm was triggered, and
a security device automatically locked all the doors. It
turns out that there is another button on the driver's door
that would have simply released the locks, but the suspect
didn't figure that out. Police found him crouched in the back
seat, trying to hide from any onlookers. He had coins in his
pockets that he had stolen from inside the car. Sergeant
Keith Faulk said, "Maybe he needs a new line of work. He's
not very good at what he's doing now." Hmmm...maybe he should
consider getting a JOB.
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------------- Now That's What I Call Road Rage -------------
MINNESOTA - Gregory Peter Carr was annoyed by speeding
vehicles and heavy traffic in front of his home, by County
Roads 29 and 164 in Minnesota. So he took matters into his
own hands. Armed with a 12-gauge shotgun and approximately
14 rounds of ammunition, Carr aimed at vehicles passing in
front of his house and several were hit by his six shotgun
blasts. There were no injuries, but the road rager immedi-
ately went into hiding. Police found Carr in a nearby
soybean field and he remains in jail until his first court
appearance. He told authorities that all he wanted was the
drivers to simply slow down and take alternate routes.
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
hey lewis, jay leno was talking about the guy that was feeling
butts to tell futures. he called that "asstrology".
[I didn't know you could say that kind of stuff on TV.]
there's a wet t-shirt contest in my laundry every week...
[It's time to get out more.]
Lewis - More than 400 sheep leapt to their deaths this weekend
in mountainous southeastern France -- likely a panicked attempt
to escape from a pack of wolves, police said....Thousands of
men in Arkansas, Louisianna, Mississippi and Tennessee are in
mourning. --Bruce
Mind you... Moose bites can be pretty nasty...
[I'm sorry about that. The people who were responsible for
putting that comment in have been sacked.]
Hey Lewis, If a swallow doesn't love you, should it then be
called a spit? Love ya work, Larry
[You're sick, Larry. You should be sending this stuff to TZ.]
Lewis, you are about as twisted as they come, and i love ya
for it. Keep up the good work and snotty comments.
[I've been called many things, but rarely snotty. Well, I
guess it's growth.]
Hey Lewis, Once again I wanted to thank you for the laughs.
I really needed it this weekend. My wife totaled her car and
when I was driving her back home my car blew up in my face.
My phone went dead, and then my washer breaks down on me.
All of this in on day. So you can see I'm not to happy but
at least I got you to make me laugh. Thank you so much for
that! -Keith
[Glad I could help. I hope you're still under warranty.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to:
Email Lewis
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