Publication: Classic Bizarre
Bud Sprackle in a Former Life | |
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<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>
CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Friday, February, 2007
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
OK, here I was sitting in a hypnotherapist's office (let's
call him Dave because this is easier to type) and I am deep
under when the following takes place. I have condensed three
hours down to a digestible amount of information.
Dave: OK, you are now going back, back to a former life.
What are you doing?
Lewis: I can see myself lying on steps. I am hovering above
my body but I am floating.
Dave: Who is it that you are looking at?
Lewis: I am looking at me! But not as Lewis. I am a mechanic.
I think I am dead! Oh my God, I am dead.
Dave: You are all right. Everything is going to be fine. Who
are you?
Lewis: My name is Bud Sprackle and I work at a garage in
Detroit.
Dave: Bud, why are you lying on the steps?
Lewis/Bud: My heart stopped. My f#$king heart gave out.
Dave: How old are you?
Lewis/Bud: I was 57-years-old on my last birthday, which
was last week. I was born in 1875 in Ohio.
Dave: What is the year?
Lewis/Bud: It is 1932.
Dave: You seem anxious now. Relax and let the images flow.
Tell me what is happening now.
Lewis/Bud: It is strange. There is this bright light wavering
- like a string. It is pulling me away, but everything is so
calm. I am not scared, just disoriented. I see my wife crying
over my body. I am trying to reach into her mind to tell her
everything is OK...but there is no way for me to communicate.
Tell her I am all right.
Dave: Can we talk about your life as Bud?
Lewis/Bud: Everything has changed in the last few years. I
sold cars and made a lot of money, but invested in the damned
stock market. Everything went to pieces in 1929. I lost all
my money and the only thing I could do was fix cars. I
should be retired now. Can't sell cars, nobody has any
money - so I fix cars instead.
Dave: Do you see any people that you know from your youth
who have passed to the other side?
Folks, we will pick up with the answer to this question and
more. Let me just say that I tried to find a Bud Sprackle
who died 1932 in Detroit. Could not find anyone with that
name. This is really weird stuff folks. Catch the rest in
the next issue. For once, the column is more bizarre than
the news!
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum
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+-------------------- *USELESS FACTS* ---------------------+
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
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------------------ Madam Buys Politician -------------------
SYDNEY - Australian national politician, Barry Haase, has been
purchased by a madam and will spend a day cleaning her brothel.
Madam Mary-Anne Kenworthy outbid all other participants in a
Rotary Club raffle, in which the prize was a day of work from
Liberal party member of parliament, Haase. The final bid was
$540. Haase has said its for charity and he's big enough to
play this game. Kenworthy has said she looks forward to seeing
him decked out in a frilly apron.
------------------------------------------------------------
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------------------ Inmate Barbeque Busted ------------------
SASKATOON, Saskatchewan - Potentially violent inmates at a
Saskatoon psychiatric facility were busted having a little
too much fun at a barbeque held in the unit. Apparently seven
inmates were photographed grilling filet mignon and climbing
trees, while one inmate was caught about to go skinny dipping.
Inmates in this unit have a history of violence, and many were
transferred there from Canada's regular prisons. Officials at
the center agree the inmates should have been better super-
vised.
------------------- Diamonds Are Forever -------------------
ELK GROVE VILLAGE, Ill. - An Illinois company called Life Gem
has come up with a new way to memorialize deceased loved ones
-- make them into a diamond. Apparently, cremated remains can
be shipped to Germany where the carbon that is created when the
body is cremated is turned into graphite and then into gems by
simulating the intense pressure and temperature needed to pro-
duce diamonds. Four funeral homes in Chicago have decided to
offer the service. A spokesman said that some will probably
consider it a wacky idea. No way, you think?
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---------- In The Name of The Lord, I Slap You? ------------
ALCOY, Spain - Father Enrique Abad of Santa Rosa parish asked
the mother of a 3-year-old girl he was baptizing to quiet her
down. The child did not stop crying. Abad then took it upon
himself to slap the child in the face as he anointed its'
forehead with oil. No comment was made on the priest's behalf.
--------------------- Fetus Phenomenon ----------------------
CALCUTTA, India - Doctors removed a 2.2 lb fetus from a six-
month-old baby boy. They were amazed at the discovery and
could not believe they actually had to remove a dead fetus
from a child. Apparently "fetus in fetu" is a phenomenon in
which an imperfect fetus is contained in the body of its
sibling. This is a rare case.
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GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Will you vote for a presidential candidate from a particular
party no matter who represents that party?
Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Lewis! Don't get hypnotized unless there is a video camera
there to view and record the entire thing. I've heard of
all kinds of stories where hypnotists molest, abuse and
force hypnotized patients to do strange, obscene things.
Be careful Lewis! I would hate to read that my favorite
bizarre columnist was subjected to bizarre things under
hypnosis. -Kara, AZ
[Strange and obscene things, hmmm? Sounds more like a trip
to an S&M club.]
There's actually a really good reason for making the use of
canned corn illegal for fishing. It's known as "chumming"
and if you just punch a few holes in the can, the corn will
slowly ooze out. It makes a great bait and brings fish from
all around. --Tom
[It sounds so much less bizarre when you go and explain it.]
I have lived in [Oregon] for my entire life and I have been
reading your newsletter for a few years. I'm disappointed by
part of your newsletter about Oregon Laws. The ones listed
were absurd and not true. I hope that the next letter I read
and everyone after that will at least be accurate. --Julia
[It looks like we have two Oregonians here and one of them
is lying.]
Just wondering what kind of salary do they pay you to do such
an outrageous column. --Dave
[Less than I'm worth, Dave. Less than I'm worth.]
Hey Lewis, I saw this on CNN Headline News, Supposedly A PA
man shot his friend for giving him a wedgie. Thought that was
right up your ally...no pun intended. -Bill
[I would suggest anger management for this unfortunate fool.]
What's it like to be so incredibly attractive to women who
have never met you? -Erin
[It's hard to say, Erin, either you have it or you don't.]
Hey, Lewis, Past lives are a fact! I can remember several
of mine, as can several friends. Even without a regresion.
Lets see, I was a gypsy, and a soldier in the Civil war,
a minor noblewoman in France, and, well, I just won't talk
about being the Chinese concubine. Let's just say Marco
Polo was talented in more than exploring!
[Of course, you could have multiple personality disorder.
But back to this Chinese concubine thing...]
Good for you folks Lewis; every little bit helps in getting
kids to stay in school and make the transition from baby-
sitting in grammar school to "real school" in high school.
--Elena Dent
[High school is real school? When did that happen? I didn't
learn anything until my third year out of college.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to:
Email Lewis
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