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BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, Jan. 30, 2008
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
With friends like this, who needs enemies? An Australian
man was in stable condition after he was bitten by a
crocodile and subsequently shot by a friend who was
attempting to help him.
Officials at Royal Darwin Hospital said Jason Green was
stable after being bitten on the arm and shot while
collecting crocodile eggs. His friend, Zac Fitzgerald,
attempted to help Green by firing a pistol at the croc,
but one of the bullets accidentally struck Green in the
elbow.
However, Dr. Len Notaras of Royal Darwin Hospital said the
poorly-aimed gunshot was probably what allowed Green to
free himself from the crocodile's grip.
"There is no doubt in my mind the gun shot actually saved
his life," he said.
There is no mention of whether alcohol was involved, but
if Darwin residents share any characteristics with natives
of Alabama and Kentucky we can make some educated guesses.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum
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+------------------- Bizarre Holidays -------------------+
February
February 1 is Serpent Day
February 2 is Purification Day
February 3 is Cordova Ice Worm Day
February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day
February 5 is Disaster Day
February 6 is Lame Duck Day
February 7 is Charles Dickens Day
For the rest of the list, go to: Bizarre News.com
p.s. The Bizarre Holidays on BizarreNews.com will be
updated on the 1st of February.
***
----------- Dog mauls Super Bowl tickets -------------
AVONDALE, Ariz. - An Arizona man said his 3-year-old
Labrador retriever was so excited for the Super Bowl
that he devoured two very expensive tickets to the game.
Chris Gallagher, of Avondale, Ariz., said he asked that
a courier slip the envelope containing two Super Bowl
XLII tickets under his doormat but the envelope was
instead inserted under the door -- and into the waiting
jaws of his dog, Buddy, The Arizona Republic reported
Tuesday. Gallagher said the tickets, which he purchased
for friends, were valued at $900 apiece. However, he said
the seller assured him that the tickets can be replaced
in time for game day. The dog owner said the tickets
were only the latest of Buddy's many victims, which have
included sunglasses, shoes and footballs. "He's a trouble-
maker," Gallagher told the Republic. "But he looks at you
with those big eyes and you can't be mad for long." The
Super Bowl, sending the New England Patriots against the
New York Giants, is Sunday in Glendale, Ariz.
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-------- Cotton wool bud causes years of deafness ---------
HAVERFORDWEST, England - A boy from Haverfordwest, England,
can hear on one side for the first time in nine years after
a cotton wool bud suddenly popped out of his ear. Jerome
Bartens, 11, was diagnosed deaf in his right ear when he
was two, causing him to struggle in school and strain to
hear the TV and friends, Britain's Daily Mail reported.
But when playing pool with his friends in a church hall
Jerome felt a sudden pop. And out of his right ear came
the tip of a cotton wool bud that had been wedged in for
almost 10 years. "It was just incredible -- his hearing
returned to normal in an instant. He was cured as suddenly
as he became deaf. I had always suspected Jerome had stuck
something in his ear when he was little and that was
causing the problem. But the doctors and hearing special-
ists said it was wax and he would probably grow out of
it," said Jerome's father, Carsten Bartens. "I am amazed
they didn't spot something as obvious as a cotton wool
bud."
------ Police: Drunk man rides mower through snow -------
ADRIAN, Mich. - Police in Adrian, Mich., arrested a man
accused of driving his lawnmower through a snowstorm
while under the influence of alcohol. Frank Kozumplik,
49, allegedly drove his lawnmower 2 miles down the center
of a street so he could visit the nearest liquor store,
The Muskegon (Mich.) Chronicle reported Tuesday. Police
said Kozumplik, whose blood alcohol content was allegedly
2.5 times Michigan's 0.08 percent legal limit for operat-
ing a motor vehicle, told them the John Deere tractor was
his only means to transport to the store, as his wife had
driven their car to work, the Chronicle said. Kozumplik
purchased four bottles of wine at the store before he was
pulled over by police on his way home. Police confiscated
the mower, the newspaper report said.
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-------- Prosecutors drop sanitizer-sniffing case ---------
LEWISVILLE, Texas - Prosecutors dropped charges against
a Lewisville, Texas, teenager after they decided that
sniffing hand sanitizer isn't a crime. Charges against
the 14-year-old student were dropped after prosecutors
decided that hand sanitizer isn't an abusive inhalant
under the Texas Health and Safety Code, The Dallas Morning
News reported Monday. "It's not a crime. Hand sanitizer
does not fall within that statute," said Jamie Beck, first
assistant district attorney in Denton County, Texas. "The
police agency brought it up mistakenly thinking it was."
The boy was charged after rubbing his teacher's hand
sanitizer on his hands at Killian Middle School and then
smelling them. The boy's father quoted school officials
as saying his son "inhaled heavily." However, the father
said his son sniffed the substance "because it smelled
good." The man said the charges embarrassed and humiliated
his son. "They were going to prosecute my son," he told
the Morning News. "He still has that stigma. People know
him as a drug user and he's not."
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Lewis, IF you read the "sponsored ads", they are all jokes
(pun intended) - not serious. Reminds me of the Onion.
[I'm always nervous about clicking around on those sites,
I never know if I might accidentally end up subscribed to
some stupid, bizarre humor or news page.]
Hey Lewis! I would rethink getting TZ to sign up for the
prison hottie website. I think Clean Laffs Joe would be a
better choice for this experiment. He's single, he's broke
all the time, so finding a chick in the free world is
pretty much out. They cost too much! And being young he's
horny all the time so talking him into this would be like
falling off A log and lots of fun for your readers. -H.R.
[You want me to pimp Clean Laffs Joe out for the amusement
of my readers? What kind of man do you think I am? And do
you think he'd go for it?]
Lewis, it's true in Oregon about fishing with canned corn.
Some people will punch holes in a can of corn and throw
in the lake to chum the fish to their bait. I don't know
if it works but that's the reason for the law. -Roger
I don't know if the sentences have lightened up for mari-
juana possession in Michigan but about 25 years ago my
boyfriend was convicted of molesting my 8 and 10 year old
daughters. At the same time his friend was convicted of
possession. the friend got 20 years. The (ex)boyfriend got
9 months. Doesn't make sense, does it? -Anna
[No, it doesn't.]
Why not legalize marijuana and give the death penalty to
crack and meth dealers? -Gene
[How about public hangings for DWI convictions? That'll
make you think twice about that one for the road.]
Hey Lewis! That Pinto was probably a Quarter Horse and we
all know that they make the best Quarter Pounders!! Sure,
he bought it as a present for his grand daughters. They'll
be barbequeing all summer long! -Karl
[I did a little research and it seems eating horsemeat in
America is perfectly legal, it's just not very popular. But
bear in mind that the Japanese and many Europeans eat all
kinds of horse: horse sashimi in Japan; horse tartare or
steak in Belgium; pastissada, or horsemeat stew, in Italy's
Veneto. Fears of mad cow disease in recent years have even
prompted a spike in horsemeat prices in Germany and Italy.]
So what's the big deal, is there any water on the planet
that hasn't been passed through some animal's or human's
kidneys at some time or other?
[I did a whole story and a poll on this very subject last
year. As I recall people weren't completely opposed to
drinking recycled sewage, depending on the alternatives.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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