Publication: Bizarre News
That's The Chicago Way | |
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BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, Jan. 9, 2008
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
I'm sure everyone has heard the famous Chicago story of the
man who spent a half hour shoveling two feet of snow out of
the parking space in front of his house, and when he returned
ten minutes later with his car which he had retrieved from
down the street someone had parked in his spot. So he shot
him.
That's the Chicago way.
This Chicago restaurateur is not far off. Chicago police say
an eatery owner took out his frustration on unwanted cars in
his parking lot by coating the vehicles with cooking grease.
Police allege Southfork Family Restaurant owner Dimitrios
Arvanitis poured cooking grease over four cars last week
after repeatedly attempting to discourage another eatery's
patrons from parking in his lot.
When one of the vehicles' owners confronted Arvanitis, police
said he admitted to the administering the grease bath.
"I dump grease on your car so next time you don't park there,"
he was quoted as saying.
Not surprisingly the 61-year-old reportedly was intoxicated
when police tried to question him about the Christmas Eve
incident.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum
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+--------------------- Bizarre Facts ----------------------+
When antelopes become excited and leap vertically into the
air, it is called "pronking."
The average human bladder can hold 13 ounces of fluid.
There are 1,575 steps from the ground floor to the top of
the Empire State building.
When in the shower, 75 percent of people wash from top to
bottom.
In poker, a pair of Queens is also referred to as a
"Seigfried & Roy."
The average American looks at eight houses before buying
one.
The army controlled by the Wicked Witch of the West in The
Wizard of Oz were called the Winkies.
***
------- Crematorium plans to create 'body heat' --------
MANCHESTER, England - A crematorium near Manchester,
England, has introduced the idea of using heat produced
by burning bodies to keep mourners warm. Tameside Council
officials are planning to use heat generated from cremat-
ing bodies to keep people warm at Dukinfield Crematorium,
the Daily Mail reported Monday. The council said the plan
would reduce its carbon footprint by capturing and reusing
the energy. The heat generated could be enough to power
the boiler and light the chapel. The idea has already been
given the green light by a few locals. "I have no problem
with it," said Rev Tim Hayes of St John's Church. "They
treat people with real dignity at the crematorium, but the
procedure itself is a very scientific process. I'll be
very interested to see how the plans unfold." The Rev.
Dr. Vernon Marshall of Old Chapel called it a "final act
of generosity" that is "a lovely way for the dead to
provide comfort for the living at a difficult time."
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--------- Group seeks pardon for witchcraft -----------
EDINBURGH , Scotland - A Scottish group specializing in
the paranormal is calling for the country's Parliament
to pardon the last person in Britain to be convicted of
witchcraft. Full Moon Investigations announced it plans
to submit a petition to ministers that calls for them to
lobby the Home Office to fully pardon Helen Duncan, who
was convicted and jailed for witchcraft in 1944, the
Edinburgh Evening News reported Monday. Duncan was
arrested after conducting seances in locations across
Britain, but was allegedly arrested after concerns were
raised that she would reveal details of the upcoming
D-Day landings. The organization said it is also working
to obtain posthumous pardons for nearly 4,000 people
prosecuted, tortured and executed in Scotland under the
witchcraft act. "The pardon of the 4,000 prosecuted as
witches is very relevant in today's society," said Full
Moon founder Andrea Byrne. "Occupations such as herbalists,
acupuncture, midwifery, reiki (spiritual energy therapy)
and health foods can all be seen as having roots in the
traditions and people who would have been classed as
witches in their day."
----------- Inmates sue over bland jail food ------------
AURORA, Ill. - Three Kane County, Ill., inmates have filed
a $2 million lawsuit, claiming the jailhouse food is
"distasteful and disgusting." A sheriff's department
official said officers eat the same food and not one of
them has complained, The Beacon News in Aurora reported
Monday. However, not only do the three inmates claim the
food is often cold and the baked goods "soggy," their suit
also contends the calories and nutritional value are "not
up to par." "We can't serve a cajun chicken breast," said
Lt. Pat Gengler. "Our officers eat the same food as the
inmates, and I have yet to hear an officer complain about
soggy cookies or bland food." Meals are somewhat generic
because they have to be served to a large, diverse
population, he added. The suit, filed against Sheriff Pat
Perez, says the meals are provided by Aramark Food Service.
The civil suit was filed in Kane County Court by inmates
Michael Nance, Devalius McDonald and Deandre Clemons.
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-------- Church members do away with complaining ---------
CHARLOTTE, N.C. - Members of a Charlotte, N.C., church have
taken a New Year's pledge to halt all complaining for 21
consecutive days. Rev. Nancy Ennis of the 135-member Unity
of Charlotte church said purple rubber bracelets were
passed out to her congregation to show they are working
to help create "a complaint-free world," the Charlotte
Observer reported Monday. Church members who catch them-
selves complaining are required to move the bracelet to
their opposite wrist and restart their 21 days at the
beginning. The program was first used in 2006 by the Rev.
Will Bowen at a Unity church in Kansas City, Mo. Bowen's
church has since shipped 6 million bracelets worldwide to
people who requested them and Bowen authored a book on the
subject, "A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining
and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted." Ennis said
participants are encouraged to take legitimate grievances
to the subject and work their concerns out amicably, rather
than simply complain. "We are here to build up with love,"
Ennis told her congregation, "not tear down with criticism
and complaining."
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
WASHINGTON - The U.S. Food and Drug Administration was ex-
pected to deem meat and diary from cloned animals safe for
human consumption. And I thought cows could not write or
read for that matter. Amazing, and the diary is safe for
human consumption?? -Dave
[Well, all of it except for that section where Bossy writes
about how she experimented with some other cows after they
got drunk at a sorority party in college.]
Hi Lewis! If it's true that human fat can be used as fuel,
we can forget about paying $100 a barrel to the Arabs and
tap into Rush Limbaugh! The flab in his face and neck alone
could keep us fueled for years. And once we start tapping
into the area between his ears, we should be supplied well
into the next millenium! -Jody
[So let me guess...not a Rush fan?]
Ummm, Lewis, someone should inform these people with the eco-
friendly boat that there actually has been a boat around for
hundreds of years that leaves no carbon footprint and doesn't
require three operations to go the approximate distance of a
daily commute. They're called sailboats. -Marty
[That's true, in fact, sailboats have been around for thousands
of years. However they are not quite as efficient or economic
as power boats.]
About that guy who stole all the "male enhancement aids", I
guess he's now what you'd call a "hardened criminal".
-Alice Gates
Hi Lewis, Love your column. I was reading the reader comments,
which i love, when i notived your uvula comment. I doubt many
people even know what a uvula is! -Leah Blazonis
[It's a small, guitarlike musical instrument.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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