Publication: Bizarre News
Santa Gets His Bells Jingled | |
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BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, March 1, 2008
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
I know it's March, but I found a story that happened over
Christmas that really grabbed me.
A Danbury, Conn., woman has been sentenced to two years
of probation after she groped a man dressed as Santa Claus
at a shopping mall. A lawyer for Sandrama Lamy (Great Name)
told the court her client "has been on a lot of medications"
and some of the medications caused impulsive behavior and
forgetfulness, The Danbury (Conn.) News-Times reported.
Lamy had her picture taken with the Danbury Fair mall
Santa Dec. 15, and was heard saying: "I grabbed Santa's
crotch" after standing up from the man's lap, Deputy
Assistant State's Attorney Colleen Zingaro said.
Defense lawyer Catherine Rivard said in requesting the
probation program for her client that the incident was
likely tied to the medication she was taking at the
time. "She does have periods where she does not recall,
and we think this is one of the incidences that occurred,"
Rivard said. "She has a clean record, and I think she
would be most grateful if the court would grant this
program."
Judge Susan Reynolds ordered Lamy to steer clear of the
mall where the groping occurred. If she completes her
sentence without further incidents, the charges of
fourth-degree sexual assault and breach of peace will
be dropped.
I guess this year's Santa at the Danbury Fair Mall will
have to find someone else to jingle his bells this
Christmas.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
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+------------------- Bizarre Holiday ---------------------+
MARCH
March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day
March 2 is Old Stuff Day
March 3 is I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day
and National Anthem Day
March 4 is Holy Experiment Day
March 5 is Multiple Personalities Day
March 6 is National Frozen Food Day
March 7 is National Crown Roast Of Pork Day
March 8 is Be Nasty Day
For the rest of the list, go to: Bizarre News.com
***
-------- Couple finds thousands in cash in fridge ---------
JANESVILLE, Wis. - Janesville, Wis., police say a cash
bundle discovered by a couple in their refrigerator --
an estimated $10,000 to $12,000 -- has not been linked
to a crime. Police said the cash, which will not have an
accurate total until the moldy bills are exchanged for
new currency, will revert to the ownership of James and
Colleen Mesler if the owner is not found by March 11, the
Janesville (Wis.) Gazette reported. "The money has been
determined to be 'found property' and subject to applicable
state finder statutes. The money has been returned to the
bank," police said in a statement. An investigation found
the money was not stolen or tied to the drug trade, police
said. However, the previous tenants of the apartment
occupied by the Meslers are currently defendants in a
cocaine-trafficking case.
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-------- Biker club foils Australian bar robbery ----------
SYDNEY - Two men who should have spent more time casing
their target -- an Australian bar where a biker club was
holding a meeting. One of the men ended up hog-tied after
three members of the Southern Cross Cruiser Club ran him
down outside the Regents Park Sporting Club in Sydney, The
Sydney Morning Herald reported. Police found the other one
near the bar Wednesday night. At least one of the men
was armed. Jerry Jerry "Jester" van Cornewal, the club
president, helped chase the first man. He said he thought
the man was carrying a tire iron, but it proved on closer
inspection to be a samurai sword. Van Cornewal described
the pair as having "failed robber school." Noel "Bear"
Mannix," founder of the biker club, said that the two
realized quickly that they had picked the wrong target.
"It was one of those stopped-time moments," he said. "It
was very hard to see the expression on their faces because
of the balaclavas, but I imagine it was something along
lines of 'Oh (expletive), what have we done here?'" Both
were charged with attempted robbery.
------- Racy player biographies get coach fired ---------
HALIFAX, Nova Scotia - Offensive and sexual material in
biographies of high school hockey players near Halifax,
Nova Scotia, have cost the coach his job, reports said
Thursday. Ward Duncan, principal of the school at Fall
River, said he fired Kevin Brown, a volunteer coach,
after getting complaints about biographies that were
listed in home game programs, Global News said. One
biography says the player likes fishing and hunting and
has "a huge weapon," while another player said he wants
to become a motivational speaker for the hearing impaired,
the report said. Duncan said he didn't know who wrote the
material for the Lockview High School team but Brown was
responsible for proofreading it, The Province in Vancouver
reported. "It should never have been printed and in fact,
as an educator, I'm concerned that anyone would not see
clearly why this type of language is inappropriate,"
Duncan said. He said he was making arrangements for the
team members to receive training in "activities that are
designed to deepen their understanding of what it means
to be part of a respectful and inclusive school
environment, and the larger community as a whole," the
Global report said.
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---------- Bump in a road breaks man's dentures -----------
ENGERDAL, Norway, - Roads is Norway are at an all-time
maintenance low, says a 76-year-old man who says his
dentures broke as he drove over a big bump. Eindride
Edvang was on a road in Engerdal in Hedmark County when
his dentures were knocked around in his mouth as he drove
over a 4.7 inch bump, Aftenposten reported. "I've driven
cars, trucks, a taxi and even been a driving instructor
during the past 56 years, and I've never experienced
poorer roads than this year," Edvang said. It is reported
that a lack of highway maintenance has become a major
concern of Norwegian citizens this year. "Now we just
have to get better roads, so that we don't have to take
out our dentures when we take a car trip," Edvang ranted.
City officials promised to repair roads in the near future,
the report said.
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Let me know something... My blog postings on My MySpace page
have cobwebs. I repost everything you put out in my blog. My
friends love it. btw, do you have a myspace page? If not, It
sprobably a good idea to get one. -Marilyn In Mobile, AL
[No, actually I don't have a Myspace page. Correct me if I'm
wrong but I thought everyone on Myspace was either 13-years-
old or pretending to be 13-years-old so they can hit on 13-
year-olds. I'm not trying to offend anyone, it is just my
impression that this is the target audience.]
Lewis...best column ever, stories and weird coincidences
were great. -chris
[I still got it.]
Lewis, I know St. Patrick's Day is just around the corner
and all, but are you sure Barack Obama wants to pretend to
be Irish? You're the only one I've ever seen write his
name with an apostrophe. Did you research that, and every-
one else writes it wrong? Or are you just funnin'? -Anna
[I'm sorry. Is it supposed to be McBama?]
Lewis - As a long time Bizarre News subscriber and Florida
resident, I am appalled at how often good 'ol Floreedah
comes up in your newsletter. Though we have our fair share
of Darwin Award wannabees, I just wanted to let you know
we are not all incompetent. But I guess we'll know for
sure when it comes time to vote again. -Kort
I have a great slogan for you bikini-clad election poster:
"Vote for Lewis and Manny - Two Big Boobs on the Same Ticket"
[Catchy.]
So, O'Bama was pictured in "traditional terrorist attire"?
I'll have to re look at the airport security photos from
9/11, but I don't recall any of the terrorists wearing that
outfit. I guess they were non-traditional terrorists. -Pete
[I didn't write that. I wrote they look similar, not the
same. And the maniacs who conducted 9-11 are not the only
terrorists in the world.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
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