Publication: Bizarre News
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BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, Feb. 6, 2008
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Usually, when you see people standing on the side of the
highway they are looking for handouts, or they are selling
peanuts, or flowers or maybe just looking for a lift. This
woman had a different agenda.
Authorities in San Leandro, CA, said they received a string
of calls about a woman in belly dancing getup performing a
routine at the side of the highway.
The first 911 call reported a woman in a black halter top
and black pants dancing at the side of Interstate 880 at
3:07 p.m., and the second call -- which came only a minute
later -- reported the woman had begun using a light pole
and a highway sign as tools for a pole dance.
California Highway Patrol officer Oscar Johnson said the
woman went from a distraction to a hazard when she ran
across the highway, shouting obscenities at drivers who
nearly struck her with their vehicles.
He said the woman escaped through the brush surrounding a
homeless encampment before officers arrived.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
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+------------------- Bizarre Inventions -------------------+
In the 1980's, French women Dominique Peignoux, Yvette
Guys and Francoise Dekan marketed a musical napkin that
was placed inside a baby's diaper and played "When the
Saints Go Marching In" as soon as it became wet.
William A. Calderwood of Peoria, Arizona patented helium
filled furniture that would float to the ceiling when not
in use to allow extra floor space and be pulled back down
by a rope as needed.
It was in 1966 that America's Thomas J. Bayard invented a
vibrating toilet seat, acting on the belief that physical
stimulation of the buttocks is effective in relieving
constipation.
James Moreau developed a brassiere in 1988 which surrounds
the breasts with water, so that a buoyant force provides
improved and independent support for each breast. A
transparent version is suggested for those who wish to
make a fashion statement.
In 1984, Inventor Timothy Zell developed a method of
growing unicorns that are of higher intelligence and
physical attributes, They are also said to be useful as a
guard animal. What you may not want to know is the method
involves surgical alteration of a one-week old goat, so
that its two horn buds will grow together.
***
------- SpongeBob balloon causes blackout in Mass. --------
YARMOUTH, Mass. - About 4,000 customers lost electric power
in Yarmouth, Mass., after a metallic SpongeBob SquarePants
balloon got hung up in power lines. The balloon got caught
in high-tension wires behind the Yarmouth Police station,
resulting in a loud explosion and causing two of the three
wires to fall to the ground, said police and NStar spokes-
men, The Cape Cop (Mass.) Times reported. Nstar, which
transmits and delivers electricity and natural gas to
residential and business customers throughout eastern
Massachusetts, restored power to most customers within five
or six minutes, but some 235 customers were without power
from about two hours Sunday afternoon, reported Cape Cod
Today.
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------------ Canadian teen wins big at poker --------------
WATERLOO, Ontario - An 18-year-old Canadian man with just
six months background playing poker has earned $1.4 million
in a German tournament. Mike McDonald of Waterloo, Ontario,
northwest of Toronto, is too young to play legally in most
Canadian provinces and the United States, but since turning
18 in September, he has racked up some impressive wins in
London, Prague, Macau and Aruba, his mother told the
Waterloo Record. Saturday night was the biggest win for
McDonald, who saw through repeated bluffs by German poker
veteran Andreas Gulunay in Dortmund, the report said. Speak-
ing to the newspaper by telephone, the teenager said he'll
continue playing until he's had enough. "I see these guys
who are playing 60 hours a week when they're old, and none
of them seem very happy," McDonald said. "I don't want to
make this my long-term career... I might like to go back
to school and get a real job." He said he'd like to buy a
used car, although he hasn't got his drivers license yet,
the report said.
------- Police turn down drunken drug addict ---------
BURNLEY, England - A serial thief and drug addict in
northern England, allegedly called police to come and
arrest him, but was turned down. Liam Tomlinson, 21,
is said to have called police after breaking into the
Rossendale United FC clubhouse in Newham and stealing
two bottle of spirits, only to be told there were no
available patrol cars to come pick him up, the Daily
Mail reported Monday. Instead Tomlinson, a heroin addict
who had eight previous convictions for burglary, was
allowed to continue his crime spree, robbing two more
places before finally being brought into court, the
British newspaper said. Tomlinson pleaded guilty in
court in Burnley to two counts of burglary, one count
of burglary with intent to cause damage and failing to
surrender. But magistrates refused to send him to prison
and instead gave him an suspended eight-month jail
sentence. Lancashire County police Inspector Dave Hodson
claimed officers went to the scene almost immediately,
but Tomlinson had already fled and it wasn't until two
hours later that someone called in a drunken state trying
to turn himself in. By then officers were working on
another case, he added.
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---------- Pancake day falling flat in Britain -----------
LONDON - It appears Britons are on the road to abandoning
their centuries-old custom of flipping pancakes 47 days
before Easter Sunday. Only one in five people surveyed by
a firm that sells flour knew Feb. 5 is Shrove Tuesday,
when tradition calls for pancakes to be eaten, The Guardian
reported Monday. The observance gets its name from the
ritual of shriving or confessing and being forgiven for
sins. Flipping pancakes on Shrove Tuesday dates back to
the 17th century, while recipes for pancakes can be found
in cookbooks as early as the 15th century. The British
supermarket chain Morrisons estimates as many as 5 million
people in the United Kingdom have never made a pancake and
have no idea what ingredients to use. "Pancakes have been
part of our culinary and social history for half a
millennia," says Sandra Clegg of Morrisons, "It would be
a shame if making them was consigned to the history books."
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Seems all that we Southerners hear about is how men want to
marry men and women want to marry women up North. But I
guess that's too taboo to joke about. May be they should
try a sheep instead. After all if it's alright to marry
someone of the same sex why can't it be legal to marry any
lover? -Charles
[Are you trying to justify beastiality on the same grounds
as homosexuality?]
Lewis- how fat was the woman who delivered the twins? I mean
come on, if doctors and nurses look at her and can't tell
she's pregnant, then how big is she? And yes, for the record
I have made the mistake of asking a woman if she was pregnant
when she was not a few years ago. For some reason ever since
then she gives me a dirty look every time I see her. -Dave
[There was a comedian who said, 'Never give any hint that you
thing a woman might be pregnant unless you can see an actual
baby coming out of her at the time.]
MR. LEWIS, I USUALLY WOULD NEVER RESPOND TO THE WORDS OF SUCH
AN IDIOT AS YOURSELF BUT I FEEL FRISKY TONIGHT. LET ME ASSURE
YOU THAT OUR FARM ANIMALS, IN THE SOUTHERN STATES, HAVE MUCH
MORE BRAINS AND INTELLECT THAN YOU AND WOULD MAKE MUCH BETTER
COMPANY THAN YOU. I HAVE FOUND THROUGH THE YEARS THAT PEOPLE
LIKE YOU, THAT MAKE DISPARAGING REMARKS ABOUT THE SOUTHERN
STATES, ARE SO JEALOUS THEY CAN DO NOTHING ELSE.
[So basically, whether it is for sexual or social company you
still prefer livestock. I understand.]
You are an obnoxious yankee dickhead.
[Wasn't that written by George Cohan? "You're an obnoxious
yankee dickhead, an obnoxious yankee dickhead do or die."]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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