Publication: Bizarre News
Ridiculous, You Say? | |
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BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, March 12, 2008
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
I am going home tonight and I am going to give my wife a big,
sloppy kiss and take her out to dinner. Because not once,
in fifteen years of marriage, has the little woman run me
through with a broadsword, although she has made some extra-
ordinary threats.
Ridiculous, you say? Not to the late Li Weidong.
A woman in Beijing, China has been charged with accidentally
killing her husband with a sword after he refused to make
her dinner, the Shanghai Daily reported.
Police said Tang Xiaowan, 25, who has been practicing swords-
manship since she was young, had often forced her husband of
three years at sword point to carry out her demands.
Her husband, Li Weidong, refused to cook dinner because he
was late for work. Police said Tang picked up her sword and
put it on Li's chest when she apparently slipped, stabbing
Li by mistake. Li died in the hospital from loss of blood.
At least the police have ruled out some sort of bizarre sex
game. That sort of death only seems to happen in the American
south.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum
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+--------------------- Bizarre History --------------------+
FACTS
Beer was the first trademarked product - British beer Bass
Pale Ale received its trademark in 1876.
Playing-cards were known in Persia and India as far back
as the 12th century. A pack then consisted of 48 instead
of 52 cards.
Excavations from Egyptian tombs dating to 5,000 BC show
that the ancient Egyptian kids played with toy hedgehogs.
Accounts from Holland and Spain suggest that during the
1500s and 1600s urine was commonly used as a tooth-cleaning
agent.
In 1969 the US launched a male chimpanzee called Ham into
space.
In 1963 the French launched a cat called Feliette into
space.
The first written account of the Loch Ness Monster, or
Nessie, was made in 565AD.
***
-------------- Vatican: Polluting a sin ---------------
VATICAN CITY - The Vatican has included failing to recycle
and taking drugs on its new list of mortal sins. Monsignor
Gianfranco Girotti, head of the Apostolic Penitentiary and
close ally of Pope Benedict XVI, also included genetic
modification, carrying out experiments on humans, causing
social injustice, causing poverty and becoming obscenely
wealthy on his list of mortal sins, The Telegraph (Britain)
reported Monday. Girotti said the "sins of yesteryear" --
sloth, envy, gluttony, greed, lust, wrath and pride --
have a "rather individualistic dimension," while "the sins
of today have a social resonance as well as an individual
one," he said. "In effect, it is more important than ever
to pay attention to your sins."
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------------ Product tests dog intelligence ---------------
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. - PoochIQ.com of Beverly Hills,
Calif., is marketing a product it says can assess the
mental prowess of man's best friend. The company said
the Pooch IQ Kit includes 15 "mentally stimulating"
tasks designed to determine whether a dog's intelligence
is above, below or at the average, the New York Post
reported Monday. "We developed it in-house and we did a
ton of research on both human and dog intelligence," said
PoochIQ.com spokeswoman Stacy Stubblefield. One dog tested
by the Post scored a 121 IQ on the test, putting him in
the 91st percentile of dogs according to the company's
standards. Another scored 104 IQ, an average score, and
a third came in with just an 89 IQ, below average.
------ Institute offers March Madness vasectomies ------
EUGENE, Ore. - A Eugene, Ore., radio station and the
Oregon Urology Institute are encouraging men to have
vasectomies in time for the NCAA March Madness basketball
tournament. The institute's radio advertisements encourage
men to "lower your seed for the tournament," and KSCR, a
local sports talk station, sweetened the deal by promising
pizza delivery and frozen peas to ease the pain of any man
who undergoes the procedure the day before a game, The
(Portland) Oregonian reported Monday. The center's ad
campaign suggests having the birth-control surgery the
day before a game all but guarantees that clients' wives
will allow them to spend the day lounging in front of the
TV.
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-------- Wedding bells ring for no-show couples ----------
KALISPELL, Mont. - Two Montanans repeatedly take marriage
vows without the benefit of divorce, but they aren't
polygamists; they are proxies for absent brides and
grooms. Montana is the only state that allows a double-
proxy wedding, meaning both sides can be no-shows.
Kalispell, Mont., began taking advantage of this quirk
about five years ago, when a native son serving in Iraq
wanted to marry his pregnant girlfriend, The New York
Times reported. Some research by lawyer Dean Knapton and
-- viola! -- Friday afternoon nuptials were born. The law
had been on Montana's books for several decades, perhaps
to accommodate soldiers during World War II, some theorize.
The cost to the real, albeit absent, bride and groom:
$900, of which $50 apiece goes to the proxies, $100 to
the judge, $150 to the lawyer-witness; $53 for court
fees; $14 for two certified copies of the marriage
certificate. The rest goes to a Pennsylvania couple who
run a business facilitating proxy marriages.
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
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Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I think my comment has been massively misconstrued and/or
misinterpreted. I do not think Bush is the genius mastermind
behind 9-11 - no way in hell he could have engineered that.
After all, he can barely form a sentence without making up a
word or stuttering. Thats not to say that people in his ad-
ministration couldn't have done it... -Mathew
[Let the conspiracy theories fly!]
Wetumka still celebrates the day that the circus never came.
July 24th is celebrated annually as "Sucker Day" complete
with parade, street dance, and fun galore! -Mike
Hi, Lewis, I'm a grown-up with a place on "MySpace," and do
have a life beyond that. So what if a large percentage of
the population there is teens? Because of that, I've put
a blog in there against teen drunk driving. -Jane
[I'm sure they appreciate that.]
Lewis: I wish you would take those clips about cars that run
on water off of your video site. Us Men in Black are having
a hard time keeping up with all the publicity. With the high
cost of fuel for our Black Helicopters. Everytime you talk
about one of those cars it means we have to fly there, buy
it from the inventor and move it to that big warehouse near
Detroit where we also keep all the Clappers and Chia Pets
between Christmas seasons.
[I'll see what I can do. By the way, I've invented a Chia Pet
that grows marijuana if you want to buy it from me to keep it
off the market.]
I used to wonder why the world was so screwed up; then I ran
a Genealogy on my family history... did you know we all are
separated by only SIX genes! Solves that mystery! -Judy
[Are you telling me your family tree doesn't have a lot of
forks in it?]
Lewis, below are excerpts from a blog that I participate in.
This nut (sorry, person) truly believes terrorist get money
from everyone's 911 calls. Just thought you would enjoy this.
"Who really needs 911? Seriously, it only takes me accidentally
hitting the 9 button, the 1 button, and the 1 button again to
get in trouble for falsely reporting an emergency. I personally
don't own a phone because of this. What really gets under my
skin though is that they named it after a terrorist attack.
Just don't see how you guys can support that. Seems unpatriotic."
[I guess this is funny, but it is obviously a spoof. Nobody
can be this stupid and not be institutionalized.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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