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BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, March 5, 2008
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Usually, when you rent an apartment, you have to pay the
landlord the first and last month's rent. In the case of
this story the renting couple got a $12,000 signing bonus!
Police say a cash bundle discovered by a Wisconsin couple
in their refrigerator, an estimated $10,000 to $12,000, has
not been linked to a crime.
The cash, which will not have an accurate total until the
moldy bills are exchanged for new currency, will revert to
the ownership of James and Colleen Mesler if the owner is
not found within a month.
"The money has been determined to be 'found property' and
subject to applicable state finder statutes. The money has
been returned to the bank," police said in a statement.
An investigation found the money was not stolen or tied to
the drug trade, police said. However, the previous tenants
of the apartment occupied by the Meslers are currently
defendants in a cocaine-trafficking case.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum
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+--------------- Bizarre Political Insults ----------------+
"He makes George Bush seem like a personality" - Jackie
Mason on John Major.
"He is a sheep in sheep's clothing" - Winston Churchill on
Clement Attlee.
"Winston, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your
coffee." "Nancy, if I were your husband, I would drink it."
- A conversation between Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill.
"He could not see a belt without hitting below it." - Margot
Asquith on David Lloyd George.
"Richard Nixon impeached himself. He gave us Gerald Ford as
his revenge." - U.S. politician Bella Abzug on Tricky Dickie.
"Nixon's motto was, 'If two wrongs don't make a right, try
three." - U.S. writer Norman Cousins.
"Gerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at
the same time." - former U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson.
"I wouldn't say she is open-minded on the Middle East, so
much as empty-headed. She probably thinks Sinai is the
plural of sinus." - Jonathan Aitken on Margaret Hatcher.
"Harry Truman proves that old adage that any man can become
President of the United States." - U.S. politician Norman
Thomas.
"A shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Harold Wilson
on Edward Heath.
***
-------- Man falls into well while saving deaf dog --------
PAWNEE, Ill. - A man spent about 45 minutes stuck in a
well 15 feet beneath the kitchen of his Pawnee, Ill.,
home while trying to rescue his elderly dog. Jeff Puckett,
a husband and father of two who was a volunteer fire-
fighter for five years, was attempting to save his family's
14-year-old border collie, Bear, Sunday after the nearly
blind and deaf canine accidentally walked into a well, the
Springfield (Ill) State Journal-Register reported. "I just
had shoulder surgery in September, too, so I didn't have
enough strength in my right arm to do anything. I was at
least 15 feet down, and there was at least 20 feet of
water underneath me," Puckett said. Pawnee Fire Department
officials were able to get the man and his dog out of the
well safely, the Journal-Register reported.
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--------- Student protest 'cent'-sational lunch -----------
WHITEHOUSE STATION, N.J. - Students at a New Jersey middle
school were punished, then forgiven, for a protest that
included paying for their lunches with $2 in pennies.
Twenty-nine students paid for their $2 lunches last week
using pennies -- at first calling it a prank and then a
protest -- about having only 30 minutes for lunch, The
(Newark) Star-Ledger reported Monday. Administrators
called using the 5,800 coins disrespectful of cafeteria
personnel and fellow students, punishing the protesting
pranksters with two days of detention. Media scrutiny,
parental communications and student protests prompted a
change of heart. The offending seventh- and eighth-graders
later learned they wouldn't have to serve the detention,
as long as their parents approved, the newspaper reported.
"If we had knowledge of a protest, we would have reinforced
with the students the importance of not being disrespectful
and would have begun discussions about the issue," Super-
intendent Jorden Schiff said in a message posted on the
district's Web site. And, of course, pennies are accepted
as payment for lunches.
-------- Man, dog stuck in tree while paragliding ----------
WARBURTON, Australia - An Australian man said he and his
pet Chihuahua were stuck in a tree for five hours after
he lost control while paragliding near the town of
Warburton. Paul Hansen, 42, who has been on disability
since contracting pelvic cancer eight years ago, said he
lost control of his parachute, which also carried his dog,
Emma, in a harness, Friday afternoon and soon became lodged
in a tree, the Melbourne Herald Sun reported. "I was blow-
ing around like a leaf in the wind, upside down and around
and around. It was like I was in a corkscrew," he said.
"The only time I was scared was when I tried to get my dog
into a better position and she slipped out of the harness.
It took all my strength not to let her fall," Hansen said.
The daredevil said he was able to call emergency services
with his cell phone and provided them with coordinates
from his GPS device.
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--------- Reporter learns dangers of trespassing ----------
CRAWFORD, Texas - A Danish journalist learned why folks
"don't mess with Texas" when he found himself at the
business end of a gun after wandering onto a woman's yard.
Terkel Svensson, a writer for the Danish News Agency, was
part of the reporting pool covering a meeting between U.S.
President George Bush and Danish Prime Minister Anders
Fogh Rasmussen at the Bush ranch in Crawford, Texas, CNN
reported. Unable to get a wireless Internet connection,
Svensson began dictating his story to the newsroom in
Copenhagen. As he dictated, he wandered away from the press
area -- and onto a yard of an elderly woman who was none
too pleased to find a stranger walking on her yard. "I was
just so occupied dictating my story that I didn't really
see where I went," Svensson told CNN. Next thing, Svensson
says, the woman is yelling at him to get off her property
because he's trespassing. An international incident was
averted when Svensson was alerted and sprinted across the
street. He's taking photos of the incident back to Denmark
to show his wife. "They thought I was on a safe trip," he
said.
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
By "maniacs who conducted 9-11", I assume you're referring
to the Bush Administration? Besides, if things keep going
the way they are, your government will be the only terrorists
left, and thus, that statement would be untrue.
-Mathew Carley (Not an American)
[I won't say I'm amused, more bemused that people think the
federal government is capable of executing such a huge and
complicated long-term conspiracy. Consider that the Bush
administration had only been in office nine months by the
time 9-11 happened!]
Hi Lewis, Your information is sort of outdated with regards
to MySpace. It used to be for teenagers but now the target
audience is in the 25 to 40 range with middle aged people
much older than 40 starting to get some god representtion
as well. There are still teens on there but a person can
usually tell who they are. The teens have mostly moved over
to teen sites and Facebook. It would be fun to have
Bizarre News represented on the site officially. Even if
it wasn't and you just had regular person profile It would
be neat. -Fawn
[We already have representation on the web. It's called
www.bizarrenews.com. And if God wants representtion on the
web I'm sure he can find better people to take care of it.]
Lewis: You are wrong about the 13 year old target for
MySpace. In fact, the primary audience is about 15 years
old. Anyone else over that age who still hangs around the
site needs to get some real friends. Perhaps they can
invite some over the house for Dungeons and Dragons. -Komo
Too bad the Norwegian guy wasn't driving near an overpass
under construction when his dentures broke. The road crew
would have been expert at handling bridge work... Ed
Hello--I am trying desperately to locate a story about a
prostitute in Chicago that either had no arms or no legs
and was picked up by the police for prostitution. I am
positive that I read the article on your website. Thank
you in advance for any assistance. --Rachel
[Doesn't sound familiar...and if there were an armless and
legless hooker working in Chicago I think I'd know about it.
But if you find the story please forward it to me!]
Lewis, What exactly is the difference between 'socialism'
and 'communism'? --Don from Columbus
[Think of it this way. In Socialism you have to share your
wife with your neighbors. In Communism you have to go to a
state owned prostitute twice a month.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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